Yesterday I bought a green mushroom plush at Morning Glory. The Super Mario Brothers' green mushroom collectible. I bought it because 1) it was 50% off; 2) I've always wanted it. Actually, I first bought a red Mario plush. But I realized what I really wanted was the slightly more expensive mushroom, so I returned the Mario and purchased the mushroom.
Anyway, the point was I felt freakishly happy after I bought the mushroom. Normally I consider buying stuffed toys as retarded. It's not "cool." It's not something that nineteen-year-olds do. But then I thought--who cares--I like Super Mario Brothers, and I like mushroom. This is something that defines the quirkiness of me. I am childish, and I am proud.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Reality check.
Barnard--and just NYC in general--really has a way of getting to you. The pea coats, the boots, the makeup (which I don't do because I don't know how)--in a population as diverse as the one in Barnard/New York, these are the things that girls from all different cultures share. I certainly do not object to this new and higher level of aesthetic awareness; I expected it and looked for it. Besides, this isn't even the point. I just don't know if NYC/Barnard is bringing me happiness at all. I'm not miserable. I'm quite happy with spending most of the time by myself doing things I particularly like without outside influence. I just feel like I can't connect with the campus or the people on the campus and something that should give me the deep satisfaction of a college life is seriously missing in action.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Crossroad
It was not long ago. But I almost forgot about it. I may have done so deliberately, until reminded by Jonathan Safron Foer’s book Eating Animals.
Two years ago—maybe? My mom’s colleague gave her three little chicks. They were meant to be eaten, eventually. There is no doubt about that. The chicks, though, were too small to be eaten, so we kept them in a cardboard box and fed them for a while—how long was a while? A few weeks? Few months? I don’t remember. What I do remember is that my brother takes them out everyday to the backyard to play. Initially he just let them out of the box and wander on their own, but sometimes the chicks would wander off into someone else’s backyard across the street, causing the neighbors to complain. Since then my brother would watch them as they played, and put them back into the box in the end. He got pretty good at this—taking the chickens out and making them go back. I don’t know how much he enjoyed being a shepherd of the three chicks, but he would squat down and watch the chicks frolic for a long time, sometimes eve playing with them. The chicks grew slowly—perhaps too slowly. There was a point when we felt like it was just too much to feed three chicks in our garage (which was really smelly at that time because of those chicks) that grew at a glacier speed. We couldn’t keep them anymore. They were still small. We discussed the possibility of just letting them go, but for some reason it died down. Then we finally had to kill them. My mom killed all kinds of animals. For crabs, because they release toxins after they are dead, she would clean, brush, and cut off their tentacles while they are still alive and the butchering reached the climax when she stick chopsticks through their eyes. I don’t know if she still does it. Probably. But I don’t watch her kill crabs anymore because it’s too hard to watch. When she cut off the tentacles, I imagined my limbs being in chopped off like that. When she sticks the chopsticks through the crab’s eyes, I imagined my eyes being treated like that. It was just too much. But I still eat crabs.
The point is, she did not kill those chickens. My step-father, who grew up in a farm and had probably killed lots of chickens, did. My mother said she just couldn’t. But my brother watched as my step-father slit the chicks’ throat open. I didn’t. I ran upstairs because I couldn’t bear the shrieking. Nobody except my step-father ate the chicken meat that night.
I haven’t finished Eating Animals but it’s already influencing me little by little. I don’t order chicken at the pasta station anymore. I still eat meat, but I try to avoid it as much as possible. Foer described his status years after college, when he was not yet a firm vegetarian, as “a vegetarian who occasionally eat meat;” I’m an omnivore who eat vegetables and fruits most of the time.
I never liked animals. Not chickens, not crabs, not dogs, not cats. If I have the energy to love animals, I rather love human babies. I get angry every time I see commercials calling help for dogs because why would anyone be so concerned about dogs when there are millions of people in the world dying of hunger, disease, and all other problems? But that’s not to say that I’m not moved by Foer’s book. I don’t think animals are as important as human beings only because I’m a human being and I naturally put my species on a higher priority than other species. But I do believe that animals obviously can feel pain. Cutting of crabs’ tentacles hurt them as much as cutting off our legs hurt us (imagine that without anesthesia). In the past I avoided the question regarding the ethics of eating animals, telling myself that eating animals is just something that people do—it happens, people eat meat. But now I can’t tell myself this anymore. It just doesn’t cut it. I’m not even going to talk about the conditions at the factory farms—just what right do we have to enslave any animal for their meat? “Enslave” is actually not an accurate term. What we are doing to these animals is trillions times worse than what people did to slaves in the history.
I find myself at a crossroad, not knowing what to do.
Two years ago—maybe? My mom’s colleague gave her three little chicks. They were meant to be eaten, eventually. There is no doubt about that. The chicks, though, were too small to be eaten, so we kept them in a cardboard box and fed them for a while—how long was a while? A few weeks? Few months? I don’t remember. What I do remember is that my brother takes them out everyday to the backyard to play. Initially he just let them out of the box and wander on their own, but sometimes the chicks would wander off into someone else’s backyard across the street, causing the neighbors to complain. Since then my brother would watch them as they played, and put them back into the box in the end. He got pretty good at this—taking the chickens out and making them go back. I don’t know how much he enjoyed being a shepherd of the three chicks, but he would squat down and watch the chicks frolic for a long time, sometimes eve playing with them. The chicks grew slowly—perhaps too slowly. There was a point when we felt like it was just too much to feed three chicks in our garage (which was really smelly at that time because of those chicks) that grew at a glacier speed. We couldn’t keep them anymore. They were still small. We discussed the possibility of just letting them go, but for some reason it died down. Then we finally had to kill them. My mom killed all kinds of animals. For crabs, because they release toxins after they are dead, she would clean, brush, and cut off their tentacles while they are still alive and the butchering reached the climax when she stick chopsticks through their eyes. I don’t know if she still does it. Probably. But I don’t watch her kill crabs anymore because it’s too hard to watch. When she cut off the tentacles, I imagined my limbs being in chopped off like that. When she sticks the chopsticks through the crab’s eyes, I imagined my eyes being treated like that. It was just too much. But I still eat crabs.
The point is, she did not kill those chickens. My step-father, who grew up in a farm and had probably killed lots of chickens, did. My mother said she just couldn’t. But my brother watched as my step-father slit the chicks’ throat open. I didn’t. I ran upstairs because I couldn’t bear the shrieking. Nobody except my step-father ate the chicken meat that night.
I haven’t finished Eating Animals but it’s already influencing me little by little. I don’t order chicken at the pasta station anymore. I still eat meat, but I try to avoid it as much as possible. Foer described his status years after college, when he was not yet a firm vegetarian, as “a vegetarian who occasionally eat meat;” I’m an omnivore who eat vegetables and fruits most of the time.
I never liked animals. Not chickens, not crabs, not dogs, not cats. If I have the energy to love animals, I rather love human babies. I get angry every time I see commercials calling help for dogs because why would anyone be so concerned about dogs when there are millions of people in the world dying of hunger, disease, and all other problems? But that’s not to say that I’m not moved by Foer’s book. I don’t think animals are as important as human beings only because I’m a human being and I naturally put my species on a higher priority than other species. But I do believe that animals obviously can feel pain. Cutting of crabs’ tentacles hurt them as much as cutting off our legs hurt us (imagine that without anesthesia). In the past I avoided the question regarding the ethics of eating animals, telling myself that eating animals is just something that people do—it happens, people eat meat. But now I can’t tell myself this anymore. It just doesn’t cut it. I’m not even going to talk about the conditions at the factory farms—just what right do we have to enslave any animal for their meat? “Enslave” is actually not an accurate term. What we are doing to these animals is trillions times worse than what people did to slaves in the history.
I find myself at a crossroad, not knowing what to do.
6:51 AM 10-29-2010
Last night I volunteered at the men’s homeless shelter for the first time. I would actually say that I had a good time. Or at least, a worthwhile time. They slept in beds that can be pulled out from a large cabinet. There were ten cabinets in the room, a row of table and chairs around it, and plenty of space to walk about. It didn’t feel like a very different world, but it undoubtedly was. The things they talked about—-the other homeless shelters, subsidized housing, gifts that came from donations—-were so far away from my life that I had a hard time realizing that their words were, in fact, deeply, deeply real. They talked about the injustices in another large homeless shelter, how it has a really hostile and incompetent staff, how the only thing it provides them is a plastic chair to sleep in, how it treats people like animals, driving the sane to insanity, how it is keeping the insane because it can collect more money from the government.
"I will try to bring them down. What they are doing is not right." Chris, a big, well-spoken Black man, said.
They were seriously angry, but they also expressed their anger through jokes. The stories about the crazy homeless folks and their own “first nights” were just too funny and too sad. One anecdote that all of them cherished was about this man who left the shelter two weeks ago. He was the joker of the bunch. One night all of them received gifts from the shelter, mostly clothes, and the "joker" tried on his black, T-shirt-looking top in front of everyone—-except it wasn’t a T-shirt, it was a form-fitting, woman’s halter top. “What is this?” He looked down puzzled at his chest, which was so tight that a cleavage was clearly visible.
The rest cracked up all night long.
"So what are you doing right now?"
"I'm trying to get my GED."
"Woah, that's really nice. Do you know what you're going do with it?"
"Oh yes, of course. I'm going to be a judge. I know it."
“If they were walking on the streets would you ever think that they’re homeless?” Yuan Yuan, a friend who came with me, asked when we were on our way back.
“No. Never.”
“Me neither.”
The truth is that some of them certainly would make me suspect that their standards of living are not too good, but I would never even imagine that they are homeless—-this word is so distant from my own life that my mind does not even treat it as a possibility for the less fortunate others. But today in the subway, a big Black woman, dressed in an even bigger, oversized red jacket, walked out of door carrying a small luggage and a plastic bag sitting on top of it. Her expression was the same as the men in the shelter when they were not talking.
"I will try to bring them down. What they are doing is not right." Chris, a big, well-spoken Black man, said.
They were seriously angry, but they also expressed their anger through jokes. The stories about the crazy homeless folks and their own “first nights” were just too funny and too sad. One anecdote that all of them cherished was about this man who left the shelter two weeks ago. He was the joker of the bunch. One night all of them received gifts from the shelter, mostly clothes, and the "joker" tried on his black, T-shirt-looking top in front of everyone—-except it wasn’t a T-shirt, it was a form-fitting, woman’s halter top. “What is this?” He looked down puzzled at his chest, which was so tight that a cleavage was clearly visible.
The rest cracked up all night long.
"So what are you doing right now?"
"I'm trying to get my GED."
"Woah, that's really nice. Do you know what you're going do with it?"
"Oh yes, of course. I'm going to be a judge. I know it."
“If they were walking on the streets would you ever think that they’re homeless?” Yuan Yuan, a friend who came with me, asked when we were on our way back.
“No. Never.”
“Me neither.”
The truth is that some of them certainly would make me suspect that their standards of living are not too good, but I would never even imagine that they are homeless—-this word is so distant from my own life that my mind does not even treat it as a possibility for the less fortunate others. But today in the subway, a big Black woman, dressed in an even bigger, oversized red jacket, walked out of door carrying a small luggage and a plastic bag sitting on top of it. Her expression was the same as the men in the shelter when they were not talking.
Friday, August 20, 2010
return to the past, but still moving on
I've been meeting up with friends in the past couple of days, doing things that we used to do, hanging out at places we used to hang out. I really like that kind of feeling. It's as if time has stopped. It's always going to be this summer. Under the sun, we just talk, hang out, play with no stress, no worry of summer assignment or anything. At the same time, however, we are all obviously moving on. The things we talk about have changed. Will we still have things to talk about in another few months?
Monday, August 16, 2010
妈的，五点了。
倒时差计划第一天宣告失败。
八点多睡着，一点多醒来。。。午睡？
经过了不少于二十四小时的折磨之后，终于平安回家。多次搭乘飞机后，发现这回自己对颠簸习惯了许多。颠得最厉害的时候也没有怕得冒冷汗，一遍遍地摸着手上的木珠。
这次回国玩了很多，感触也很多。因为这次的许多经历，隐约之间我似乎做了很多决定。
二零一零年八月九日
这次九寨归来，我脑子里唯一的想法就是“我要回去”。那里的山和水就自然不用说了，我更怀念的是那里的人。我怀念我们的迷你五人团队。我怀念细心善良的小何导游。我怀念谈笑风生的殷师傅。我想就那样永远的继续下去，下车看美景，上车聊天地。我想要长住那里，亲身融入进他们纯朴的生活，大部分时间平淡如茶，却又偶尔热闹非凡。昨晚在黑暗中我终于明白了我想要的是什么。我哭了，为那离我越来越远的不贫困潦倒的一生。
八点多睡着，一点多醒来。。。午睡？
经过了不少于二十四小时的折磨之后，终于平安回家。多次搭乘飞机后，发现这回自己对颠簸习惯了许多。颠得最厉害的时候也没有怕得冒冷汗，一遍遍地摸着手上的木珠。
这次回国玩了很多，感触也很多。因为这次的许多经历，隐约之间我似乎做了很多决定。
二零一零年八月九日
这次九寨归来，我脑子里唯一的想法就是“我要回去”。那里的山和水就自然不用说了，我更怀念的是那里的人。我怀念我们的迷你五人团队。我怀念细心善良的小何导游。我怀念谈笑风生的殷师傅。我想就那样永远的继续下去，下车看美景，上车聊天地。我想要长住那里，亲身融入进他们纯朴的生活，大部分时间平淡如茶，却又偶尔热闹非凡。昨晚在黑暗中我终于明白了我想要的是什么。我哭了，为那离我越来越远的不贫困潦倒的一生。
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Travel Journal 07.08.10
After nineteen hours since I woke up this morning, I finally landed in Hong Kong, at which it’s still morning. A day had passed by inside the airplane and I felt like I wanted to die. This sixteen-hour trip was the longest plane ride ever for me. Sitting in front of two giddy and loquacious little kids who behaved as if they had never been in a plane before (and they probably never have been) wasn’t helpful either. I must admit Cathay Airline’s entertainment system is the best I’ve seen. The only good part of this plane ride was blasting K-pop and J-pop and watching Liar Game the movie (I didn’t even know that it was out). The collection was huge and I’d make sure to take full advantage of it on my way back to the U.S.
I have an active imagination especially when I exchange glances (coincidentally) with random handsome boys. There was one such boy in the plane and he looked like the Kevin Zhai of Columbia. I told myself that if he happened to transfer to Fuzhou then I’ll talk to him. It didn’t happen that way and I wouldn’t have spoken to him anyway.
Hong Kong is a strange place. I expected to see skyscrapers and such. And I did. I saw clusters of them. For some reason, perhaps the location, the area surrounding the airport has clusters of really (really) tall, identical buildings scattered throughout, amid really (really) short buildings, ports, and a greenish water body. This view certainly reminds me of my bacteria cultures. After applying antibiotics, only cells with a particular resistant gene survive and they form separate colonies. Each colony (cluster) is different. But every cell in the colony is identical.
Hong Kong is a confusing place. After landing, I asked an airport staff a question in Chinese. She told me she doesn’t speak English. Fine. Next time I asked another staff questions in English. She told me she doesn’t speak English. This pattern repeated several times and I just never seemed to get it right. Some people seemed to be fluent in English and some were obviously not so much so. Some speaks Mandarin perfectly whereas some speak Cantonese only. All these people work at the same place but I feel like I’m at a different place each time I talk to them.
One hour till the flight to Fuzhou departs and today’s journal ends here.
I have an active imagination especially when I exchange glances (coincidentally) with random handsome boys. There was one such boy in the plane and he looked like the Kevin Zhai of Columbia. I told myself that if he happened to transfer to Fuzhou then I’ll talk to him. It didn’t happen that way and I wouldn’t have spoken to him anyway.
Hong Kong is a strange place. I expected to see skyscrapers and such. And I did. I saw clusters of them. For some reason, perhaps the location, the area surrounding the airport has clusters of really (really) tall, identical buildings scattered throughout, amid really (really) short buildings, ports, and a greenish water body. This view certainly reminds me of my bacteria cultures. After applying antibiotics, only cells with a particular resistant gene survive and they form separate colonies. Each colony (cluster) is different. But every cell in the colony is identical.
Hong Kong is a confusing place. After landing, I asked an airport staff a question in Chinese. She told me she doesn’t speak English. Fine. Next time I asked another staff questions in English. She told me she doesn’t speak English. This pattern repeated several times and I just never seemed to get it right. Some people seemed to be fluent in English and some were obviously not so much so. Some speaks Mandarin perfectly whereas some speak Cantonese only. All these people work at the same place but I feel like I’m at a different place each time I talk to them.
One hour till the flight to Fuzhou departs and today’s journal ends here.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Travel Writing
A couple things happened recently that tipped the balance I had for considering my future. For one, I am reading Peter Hessler’s Oracle Bones, a book about his encounters in and reflections about China during his stay in the foreign land. This particular travel writing is incredibly fluid, observant, and thoughtful. It is a page-turner. There is nothing fancy about his style of writing. But I get a sense of earthliness from the words and sentences. He’s sincere. And he’s honest. He’s not only writing about China but also writing a “self-discovery essay” about himself. In the last blog post I mentioned I haven’t done any creative writing in quite a while. I feel like my “thing” with writing, if there is anything to begin with, is slipping away. After reading Peter Hessler’s book, however, I realize that this could be the type of writing I can do. Observing my surroundings and reflect upon it. I think that is what I’ve been doing, but what distinguishes Peter Hessler from me (haha, yes, me) is the details that he notices. The clothing of the people he interviews. The facial features. The way they talk. There is a story—there are stories—in everyone. Not just anyone can dig out these stories from any other person. But Peter Hessler can and he uses these personal tales and his own thoughts to weave together a moving image of a dynamic nation, giving us readers something to reflect upon even further. It’s amazing work.
This afternoon Nidhi sent me a text message saying that her mom came upon The Voice by chance and later told Nidhi that she read a story so good that she cried. It was my story about my grandmother, the last piece of writing in which I actually invested considerable energy and time. For a writer, I think there is nothing better than hearing that my own writing has stirred such intense emotions in my readers. It means I succeeded. It’s a huge encouragement. I just might be good at writing this type of things if I work hard on it.
I’m leaving for China in three days. This is a perfect opportunity for me to practice travel writing. But I have quite a few weaknesses that I must overcome. For one, I have to be more observant. I am a very self-centered person and I often have problem with noticing other people’s emotions and the more unnoticeable but no less important details of my surroundings. Secondly, I have to be present myself better and just be a more social amicable person. I am generally an awkward person but when one has to dig stories out of others he or she cannot be awkward. Lastly, I have to significantly improve my writing. Even after three years of honors and AP English classes and a Scholastic award, I still constantly feel frustrated because I just can’t seem to write down my thoughts in a natural way. I can sense the wall of language barrier every time I write these blog posts. There are just times when I can’t think of the right word or the perfect way to construct a particular sentence. This difficulty with language is a great obstacle standing between me and good writing.
Anyway—in conclusion, life is good and I look forward to more.
This afternoon Nidhi sent me a text message saying that her mom came upon The Voice by chance and later told Nidhi that she read a story so good that she cried. It was my story about my grandmother, the last piece of writing in which I actually invested considerable energy and time. For a writer, I think there is nothing better than hearing that my own writing has stirred such intense emotions in my readers. It means I succeeded. It’s a huge encouragement. I just might be good at writing this type of things if I work hard on it.
I’m leaving for China in three days. This is a perfect opportunity for me to practice travel writing. But I have quite a few weaknesses that I must overcome. For one, I have to be more observant. I am a very self-centered person and I often have problem with noticing other people’s emotions and the more unnoticeable but no less important details of my surroundings. Secondly, I have to be present myself better and just be a more social amicable person. I am generally an awkward person but when one has to dig stories out of others he or she cannot be awkward. Lastly, I have to significantly improve my writing. Even after three years of honors and AP English classes and a Scholastic award, I still constantly feel frustrated because I just can’t seem to write down my thoughts in a natural way. I can sense the wall of language barrier every time I write these blog posts. There are just times when I can’t think of the right word or the perfect way to construct a particular sentence. This difficulty with language is a great obstacle standing between me and good writing.
Anyway—in conclusion, life is good and I look forward to more.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Back.
I haven't posted for a while. But unlike previous times, I know this time it isn't because I've been "censoring" myself so much that I am left with nothing to write about. It's just that things are going on in my life, good or bad, and I just don't feel the need to tell my blog about it anymore. My discontents with life also seem so petty that they just perish minutes after the incidents that trigger them. I guess I'm just not so lonely anymore and able to deal with surroundings more easily.
Ugh, I made my inaction (not writing blogposts) sound so good when I really have not a clue why that is. Oh well.
There is one frustration though. I can't seem to write anything creative. Ever since The Figure on the Balcony I seemed to completely walked away from story-writing or writing things that are weird and descriptive. This is not a good sign...
Ugh, I made my inaction (not writing blogposts) sound so good when I really have not a clue why that is. Oh well.
There is one frustration though. I can't seem to write anything creative. Ever since The Figure on the Balcony I seemed to completely walked away from story-writing or writing things that are weird and descriptive. This is not a good sign...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Awards Dinner
So yeah, I haven't updated this blog in a while. Thank god the reason isn't what made me delete my previous blogs. I just have so many things going on and yet surprisingly not much to say. But today's the awards dinner. Despite the pre-ceremony anger with the traffic and driving in circles...I'm super happy that I brought home some money. The shocker was definitely the "Excellence in Spanish" because I know I don't deserve that award. All I know what to say in Spanish is "No hablo espanol." But I do have the highest average in class and I do have to pat myself on the back because like Jess Tu said, I don't even speak English. How ironic is it that I'm recognized for both my writing in English and my achievement in Spanish when I'm fluent in neither?
Monday, May 3, 2010
She doesn't understand.
I had a fight with my mom this afternoon. It started by me. A while ago my mom was describing to my Grandma what Barnard is. All the affiliation, sister school of columbia and stuff were probably too difficult for my Grandma to understand so she simplied it down to "the school Xinyi is going is basically like Beijing University," which is more like the Harvard or Princeton in China. I told my mom that she has always had a tendency to exaggerate like in this case and it's good that she was trying to simplify matters for my Grandma but it doesn't mean that she can just make up things like that. I don't want my Grandma going around and telling people that I got into a school that's just like the Beijing University in China, because it's really not like that University even remotely. I love Barnard. I don't like Columbia. I do like the benefits resulted from this relationship but I never wanted the name of my college to have anything to do with Columbia. Due to the special relationship between Barnard and Columbia, some people have problem with Barnard girls simply claiming them as from "Columbia," which I agree, albeit true to a certain extent, is a wrong thing to say. I am fully aware of the fact that Barnard is much less selective (but this does not mean that it admits dumber people) than Columbia or anything like the Beijing University and the many many other differences that exist between these two schools and so I really don't want to get involved with the whole claiming oneself as from Columbia thing especially when I don't even like Columbia College. But my mom just can't stop doing things like that. I would rather spend strenuous effort on explaining to people what Barnard is than merely saying
"it's basically Columbia," let alone Beijing University--because it's not.
My mom brought up a couple arguments: 1) Beijing University's ranking is actually pretty low; 2) Why am I so obsessed about things that are said to a family member when, she hints, I often say inappropriate things to people outside of our family?; 3) I get mad when she criticizes me and still am not satisfied when she tries to elevate me or “say good things” about me to other people? What do I want exactly?
My responses…that she would never even give a chance…are 1) Yes, Beijing University is ranked pretty low—in the world, relatively speaking. But it is one of the two most competitive college in China, so no, Barnard isn’t comparable to Beijing University and if Beijing University’s rank is considered low, then Barnard’s is probably down in the abyss. 2) Again, I don’t think just because the people you talk to are family members you can just say whatever you want. Plus, they are very likely to spread whatever information that is gotten from my mom to their relatives and such. If everyone thinks that I got into Columbia College, an equivalent of Beijing University, then they are dead wrong. I’m proud of Barnard and everything about it and I don’t want people to think that I’m going to Columbia. It’s not the same thing. Moreover, my mom basically accuses me of inappropriate telling other people private family matters without specifying. I asked what is she talking about and she replied angrily “seriously why do you always need people to explain to you everything? You need to know from listening carefully.” Well the only reason that I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about is that I really don’t. Whatever came out of my mouth I make sure it’s appropriate. If I don’t think something is proper to tell other people I wouldn’t. Sure I may complain to people about the many things that I don’t like about my mom, my dad, or my family or their views, but I can’t recall my telling people a family taboo or something…especially when there is none. 3) If I argue back when she criticizes me it is not because I want her praise but because I don’t agree with her assessment of me. For example, she often calls me psychotic, which I obviously disagree and would argue back fiercely. If she criticizes me with good reasoning, which she often does, I never talk back. I told her, I just want you to tell things truthfully, not exaggerated or negatively biased. So of course I get upset when she distorts and exaggerates things although her intention is to praise me. She just doesn’t understand. And I really don't know what is there to not understand.
"it's basically Columbia," let alone Beijing University--because it's not.
My mom brought up a couple arguments: 1) Beijing University's ranking is actually pretty low; 2) Why am I so obsessed about things that are said to a family member when, she hints, I often say inappropriate things to people outside of our family?; 3) I get mad when she criticizes me and still am not satisfied when she tries to elevate me or “say good things” about me to other people? What do I want exactly?
My responses…that she would never even give a chance…are 1) Yes, Beijing University is ranked pretty low—in the world, relatively speaking. But it is one of the two most competitive college in China, so no, Barnard isn’t comparable to Beijing University and if Beijing University’s rank is considered low, then Barnard’s is probably down in the abyss. 2) Again, I don’t think just because the people you talk to are family members you can just say whatever you want. Plus, they are very likely to spread whatever information that is gotten from my mom to their relatives and such. If everyone thinks that I got into Columbia College, an equivalent of Beijing University, then they are dead wrong. I’m proud of Barnard and everything about it and I don’t want people to think that I’m going to Columbia. It’s not the same thing. Moreover, my mom basically accuses me of inappropriate telling other people private family matters without specifying. I asked what is she talking about and she replied angrily “seriously why do you always need people to explain to you everything? You need to know from listening carefully.” Well the only reason that I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about is that I really don’t. Whatever came out of my mouth I make sure it’s appropriate. If I don’t think something is proper to tell other people I wouldn’t. Sure I may complain to people about the many things that I don’t like about my mom, my dad, or my family or their views, but I can’t recall my telling people a family taboo or something…especially when there is none. 3) If I argue back when she criticizes me it is not because I want her praise but because I don’t agree with her assessment of me. For example, she often calls me psychotic, which I obviously disagree and would argue back fiercely. If she criticizes me with good reasoning, which she often does, I never talk back. I told her, I just want you to tell things truthfully, not exaggerated or negatively biased. So of course I get upset when she distorts and exaggerates things although her intention is to praise me. She just doesn’t understand. And I really don't know what is there to not understand.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Realizations about My Studying Habits
Today's I've been studying whole day. It was the most productive day in the week. In fact, it's the only day with any productivity at all in this week. I think the reason I'm studying conscientiously today is that I have no urgent need to study today or for Monday. I have no paper to write. No project to finish. I have no immediate work to be done. When I do have a paper to write or a project to finish, though, my tendency is to not do anything at all and then cram the paper or project the night before it's due. The paper or project is usually so tedious and boring and time consuming that it requires a lot of effort to sort out a general idea of what I'm going to do. I hate to do the sorting out so I procrastinate and procrastinate. And because this paper or project is due the day after I don't feel like I can start doing other not so urgent work before this urgent one is finished. So procrastination plus this strange feeling equals a day of nothingness and a night of torture. Today, on the other hand, there is nothing urgent to be done. So I picked the Princeton Review book for AP Calc, and just studied and studied. That feels great.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Growing up.
I’ve always wanted to be mature. You know, mature. It’s such an attractive term. But a lot of things happened in the past few days, and now I’m scared to grow up. It seems that growing up takes something out of you. It smothers the youthfulness in you. Well, duh, you’d say. Growing up means you’re become less youthful. But what I mean is that growing up takes away the youthful energy that drives you to believe that YOU matter in this world. YOU can change things. You can right the wrongs. I don’t see that in Mr. Gibney. I don’t see that in Chris Christie. I don’t even see that in Leke. The three people I mentioned share one characteristic—they are all disillusioned. They seem so well-acquainted with reality that they are all so ready to give in and concede that: “There is simply nothing that we can do. And thus is life.” Perhaps that is true. Perhaps certain situation cannot be fixed. Perhaps by growing up—experiencing things, coming to realize the many obstacles of life—one like Leke learns that in real life, especially when you’re in a leadership position, you don’t always get to do things out of free will. Perhaps when they give up they are really speaking from past experience and profound insight. But I don’t think growing up should be an experience that wears you out and beats you down. If something is not right, we should never concede. It’s never too late to right the wrongs. We should never betray our own beliefs to conform to the hefty reality of life.
What’s worse about growing up is that it makes you forget that you were once young. When I was in fourth grade, I thought I was mature and those first and second graders were little kids. When I was in middle school, I thought all those elementary kids had the mental capacity of infants. Even now, when I’m about to graduate from high school and leave for college, I still don’t really consider my twelve-year-old brother having any sophisticated reasoning skills. I forgot how I thought I was smart and intelligent when I was his age. And actually I think my moral and ethical view of the nature is still pretty much the same as the one I had when I was twelve. But growing up makes me look down on the people younger than me as if I am more mature than they are—even though to people like Chris Christie my brother and I don’t really have any difference when it comes to politics and the “serious stuff.”
The press release from Christie’s office bothers me immensely: “It is also our firm hope that the students were motivated by youthful rebellion or spring fever – and not by encouragement from any one-sided view of the current budget crisis in New Jersey.” Not only are we not being taken seriously, there are people who would rather see teenagers acting out of pure “spring fever” than soliciting advices and opinions from people. Let alone the fact that they don’t even believe that teenagers have the ability to assess and judge facts and opinions concerning an event like this budget crisis. Such profound distrust in the reasoning ability of students is in fact a curious contradiction to Christie’s policy. Isn’t one of primary goals of education to develop students’ critical thinking skills? If even high school students are considered so dumb by Christie, why is he cutting eighty something percent of the budget for public schools (and also the library)? Oh I get it. We’re just not dumb enough. When we are, we will stop questioning Christie. And peace follows.
It scares me. Christie, Gibney, and Leke remind me of an episode from the Japanese Drama Great Teacher Onizuka, in which a high school girl was appalled at her father’s corruption but was reprimanded by her teacher Onizuka said: “Don’t be so fast in judging your father. He was once just like you. Young and righteous. You’re job is not to become the type of adult that you appall.” I don’t want to be disillusioned through the process of growing up. I don’t want to be like these “mature” adults who feel so powerless about the things around them that they can only resort to hypocrisy and defeat. I don’t want to be jaded by life. I want to stay forever youthful.
What’s worse about growing up is that it makes you forget that you were once young. When I was in fourth grade, I thought I was mature and those first and second graders were little kids. When I was in middle school, I thought all those elementary kids had the mental capacity of infants. Even now, when I’m about to graduate from high school and leave for college, I still don’t really consider my twelve-year-old brother having any sophisticated reasoning skills. I forgot how I thought I was smart and intelligent when I was his age. And actually I think my moral and ethical view of the nature is still pretty much the same as the one I had when I was twelve. But growing up makes me look down on the people younger than me as if I am more mature than they are—even though to people like Chris Christie my brother and I don’t really have any difference when it comes to politics and the “serious stuff.”
The press release from Christie’s office bothers me immensely: “It is also our firm hope that the students were motivated by youthful rebellion or spring fever – and not by encouragement from any one-sided view of the current budget crisis in New Jersey.” Not only are we not being taken seriously, there are people who would rather see teenagers acting out of pure “spring fever” than soliciting advices and opinions from people. Let alone the fact that they don’t even believe that teenagers have the ability to assess and judge facts and opinions concerning an event like this budget crisis. Such profound distrust in the reasoning ability of students is in fact a curious contradiction to Christie’s policy. Isn’t one of primary goals of education to develop students’ critical thinking skills? If even high school students are considered so dumb by Christie, why is he cutting eighty something percent of the budget for public schools (and also the library)? Oh I get it. We’re just not dumb enough. When we are, we will stop questioning Christie. And peace follows.
It scares me. Christie, Gibney, and Leke remind me of an episode from the Japanese Drama Great Teacher Onizuka, in which a high school girl was appalled at her father’s corruption but was reprimanded by her teacher Onizuka said: “Don’t be so fast in judging your father. He was once just like you. Young and righteous. You’re job is not to become the type of adult that you appall.” I don’t want to be disillusioned through the process of growing up. I don’t want to be like these “mature” adults who feel so powerless about the things around them that they can only resort to hypocrisy and defeat. I don’t want to be jaded by life. I want to stay forever youthful.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Voted
I just voted for the first time in my life.
I voted for the budget and Alex Fidelman only...well, for two reasons:
1) Yusang Park didn't even bother to submit a platform on Suburbanite. Arthur Levine 2) is fat; 2) wrote a "platform" full of bullshit; 2) asked people to vote for his running mates Park, Luppino, and himself. LOL. Luppino's "platform" is lukewarm and his reasons are not solid.
2) Twenty years later, I want to be able to tell my kids that:"hey, when your mom cast her first vote when she was 18, she voted for her classmate." instead of "oh..a fat guy, a rich guy, and a Korean guy whom I know nothing of."
I voted for the budget and Alex Fidelman only...well, for two reasons:
1) Yusang Park didn't even bother to submit a platform on Suburbanite. Arthur Levine 2) is fat; 2) wrote a "platform" full of bullshit; 2) asked people to vote for his running mates Park, Luppino, and himself. LOL. Luppino's "platform" is lukewarm and his reasons are not solid.
2) Twenty years later, I want to be able to tell my kids that:"hey, when your mom cast her first vote when she was 18, she voted for her classmate." instead of "oh..a fat guy, a rich guy, and a Korean guy whom I know nothing of."
Friday, April 16, 2010
Two Cold.
I like Han Han. I really do like this man. If he were my peer, I would have LOVED to be his friend. I'm sure most people would too. I firmly believe that you can get to know a person through his or her writing. And that's how I become acquainted with him, THE most popular blogger in China and the author of quite a number of UBER-popular novels and essay collections. I've always thought what attracted me to him was his thoughtfulness. But the more I read his writing, the more I feel that he's just like any of us. He's not an impressive thinker, since the things he write about do not necessarily entail novel ideas that "inspire" me or give me the "wow I've never thought of that" feeling, but rather, more often than not, it feels as if he is simply articulating my thoughts. Moreover, I thought he is one of the few writers that dare to speak about things that the governments don't like, but no, the reality is that a lot of people, especially the "netizens" talk about the things that he talks about ALL the time, with more or less no fear of being punished by government. Sure, the fact that he is not one of the anonymous posters make him seem more courageous, but again, government can easily identify us--none of us is entirely anonymous. So, what attracted me to Han Han? I think ultimately it comes down to his mastery of writing and his cleverness. Note cleverness, not thoughtfulness. I think although many do not think about the big ideas, many many more do. We see something bad happen and we think. The problem is not everyone of us could think as rationally as Han Han does and see the pros and cons of both sides and then articulate his point so well in an essay written colloquially. He can totally write in the research paper style but he chose to write plainly, once in a while glamorize his essay with a few clever remarks, often involving wordplay. I love this man. And I can't ask for more. He is not an unique or indispensable man to the larger flow of history, but in this time and day that he lives, he represent the voice of the people. He represents logic and reason. And I truly appreciate his presence.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A Different Life.
The past seven days or so were the most chaotic/busy time I had in months. But it felt great. No, not the English project and the drama. That wasn't too fun. But first of all, I went to a U.S. Immigration Debate forum at Barnard because I am working on a documentary project on immigration policy for polisci. The forum itself painfully dragged on for three hours but the end result was I got two professors to agree to have video interviews with my group. And then today I attended this Asian American awareness (sort of) "conference" hosted by a student organization at Columbia. I wouldn't say the content of the forum was productive but I truly truly enjoyed the socializing process. So many things happened. Met some interesting people. Learned about some cool things. And had a lot of fun. No, again, the "conference" itself was not fun. But the interaction with other people was so exciting. Now I finally understand why some people love partying. It's fun to know new people. It's fun to have surprises and excitement literally every day. What a stupid realization. But it's something new for me. It's a different life that I readily embrace.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
To Conclude
Last night Jack said: "We're done with research!"
This morning I woke up feeling relieved, open, and just incredible grateful for everything--the research class, the experience, and most importantly, the classmates. Although till last night I was still a bit upset and embarrassed about the fact that I did not win any award, this morning I just can't stop thinking about what a incredible weekend I just had--what a incredible three years that just passed. On NJRSF, I got to see some truly insane (insanely smart) people, some really quirky people, some really nice people. And that just reignited my faith in our generation. And then I looked back on the past three years. The seven people in our class would have been good friends anyway but science research brought us together like a family. We genuinely support and appreciate each other and that is just so precious.
Ah, I'm getting so Xinyi style cheesy (as opposed to Jack's style). Buh anyway, to conclude, I wish all seven of us, Jackie, Robert, Christine, Bahar, Gene, Jaimes, and me keep in contact with one another and be friends for life!
This morning I woke up feeling relieved, open, and just incredible grateful for everything--the research class, the experience, and most importantly, the classmates. Although till last night I was still a bit upset and embarrassed about the fact that I did not win any award, this morning I just can't stop thinking about what a incredible weekend I just had--what a incredible three years that just passed. On NJRSF, I got to see some truly insane (insanely smart) people, some really quirky people, some really nice people. And that just reignited my faith in our generation. And then I looked back on the past three years. The seven people in our class would have been good friends anyway but science research brought us together like a family. We genuinely support and appreciate each other and that is just so precious.
Ah, I'm getting so Xinyi style cheesy (as opposed to Jack's style). Buh anyway, to conclude, I wish all seven of us, Jackie, Robert, Christine, Bahar, Gene, Jaimes, and me keep in contact with one another and be friends for life!
Friday, March 12, 2010
亲爱的反面教材
亲爱的反面教材,
首先，只有幼稚的人在争辩最后才会总想让自己成为说最后一句话的人，好像就因为他说了这最后一句话他就胜了一样。通常我不会跟这一类无聊的傻子一般见识，但是介于你每次说的那最后一句话都是一样的—— 一样的话，一样的错误，我觉得我有必要来回应一下：
请您不要动不动 就说什么我小时候没有管教，有的只是溺爱。跟你这个脑子不正常，情绪动荡不定的人在一起的这几年对我精神上没有半点帮助。我从你身上学不到如何处事待人。 我看到的只有对外人和善，对家人高高在上，暴躁易怒。我从你身上学不到如何面对成功挫折。我看到的只有一个自以为事，对已见万分执着，对异见一概否定，对 成功高傲自满，对失败。。。啊，你没有失败。你永远是对的。幸好我的童年赋予了我智慧，所以对你这些违反常理的行为我只看不学。每次我想到万一我的童年接 受的是你的“教育”我就感到异常的可怕。是这样的话，我现在早就会是一个像你一样阴阳不定，是非不分，高傲自负，心胸狭窄，心理幼稚的变态。我不是在说你 是一个不称职的父亲，我说的是你是一个不称职的“大”人。你肯定认为没必要，因为你认为你的人格是完美的。但是我认为你有必要尽快做一些心理咨询，因为任 何人用脚都能看得出你全身上下，从里到外都充满了问题。
所以，我很欣慰我有一段被懂得如何做人的人围绕着的，充满爱的童年。至于你？我真的真的很感谢你一直以来作为反面教材的存在。
:),
一个正常人
首先，只有幼稚的人在争辩最后才会总想让自己成为说最后一句话的人，好像就因为他说了这最后一句话他就胜了一样。通常我不会跟这一类无聊的傻子一般见识，但是介于你每次说的那最后一句话都是一样的—— 一样的话，一样的错误，我觉得我有必要来回应一下：
请您不要动不动 就说什么我小时候没有管教，有的只是溺爱。跟你这个脑子不正常，情绪动荡不定的人在一起的这几年对我精神上没有半点帮助。我从你身上学不到如何处事待人。 我看到的只有对外人和善，对家人高高在上，暴躁易怒。我从你身上学不到如何面对成功挫折。我看到的只有一个自以为事，对已见万分执着，对异见一概否定，对 成功高傲自满，对失败。。。啊，你没有失败。你永远是对的。幸好我的童年赋予了我智慧，所以对你这些违反常理的行为我只看不学。每次我想到万一我的童年接 受的是你的“教育”我就感到异常的可怕。是这样的话，我现在早就会是一个像你一样阴阳不定，是非不分，高傲自负，心胸狭窄，心理幼稚的变态。我不是在说你 是一个不称职的父亲，我说的是你是一个不称职的“大”人。你肯定认为没必要，因为你认为你的人格是完美的。但是我认为你有必要尽快做一些心理咨询，因为任 何人用脚都能看得出你全身上下，从里到外都充满了问题。
所以，我很欣慰我有一段被懂得如何做人的人围绕着的，充满爱的童年。至于你？我真的真的很感谢你一直以来作为反面教材的存在。
:),
一个正常人
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Scholastic.
"first of all, for the category of personal essay and memoir...Stephen Kim."
We clapped. We smiled. We waited for our names to come up.
"second person, also in the personal essay/memoir category..."
Now I think of it, it was pretty surprising that my mind wasn't "formatted" at that moment. I did have a strong feeling that the next name could be me. Nonetheless, I was stupefied when my name, in the distorted form of "Gin Yi Lin," was actually pronounced aloud. I must have looked really dumb. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in situations like this--what facial expressions I was supposed to have, what emotions I was supposed to show. My face might have shown no emotion, but my mind was hyperactive at that moment: "wow, of all people, I won? But I can barely speak proper English. All these people here are much better writers than I am...Chris, Jess, Jack, and Reem who wasn't present. What am I supposed to do? Show signs of joy? How?"
When I get high scores for science league and things like that, I always show signs of joy. For some reason it was really hard for me to show sign of joy when I just heard my name. I guess deep inside I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't enter the competition with the intention to win. I wasn't even planning to enter before Big A asked me because I've always felt very, very inferior when it comes to English, or just language arts in general.
Anyway, I guess what happened yesterday was a huge confidence booster--plus, the sense of inferiority is probably a good thing because it keeps that confidence in check.
We clapped. We smiled. We waited for our names to come up.
"second person, also in the personal essay/memoir category..."
Now I think of it, it was pretty surprising that my mind wasn't "formatted" at that moment. I did have a strong feeling that the next name could be me. Nonetheless, I was stupefied when my name, in the distorted form of "Gin Yi Lin," was actually pronounced aloud. I must have looked really dumb. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in situations like this--what facial expressions I was supposed to have, what emotions I was supposed to show. My face might have shown no emotion, but my mind was hyperactive at that moment: "wow, of all people, I won? But I can barely speak proper English. All these people here are much better writers than I am...Chris, Jess, Jack, and Reem who wasn't present. What am I supposed to do? Show signs of joy? How?"
When I get high scores for science league and things like that, I always show signs of joy. For some reason it was really hard for me to show sign of joy when I just heard my name. I guess deep inside I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't enter the competition with the intention to win. I wasn't even planning to enter before Big A asked me because I've always felt very, very inferior when it comes to English, or just language arts in general.
Anyway, I guess what happened yesterday was a huge confidence booster--plus, the sense of inferiority is probably a good thing because it keeps that confidence in check.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
No Love for Psych
Before I learned about psychology, I had "fantasies" about it. It seemed so amazing that human personality can be dissected, analyzed, and predicted. But after I start taking the Saturday course on Psychology, for some reason, I grow more and more disgusted by the whole idea, or purpose, of psychology, to say the least. Perhaps my disgust roots partly in the uninspiring teacher we have for the course; perhaps it is the very same idea that human personality can be dissected, analyzed, and predicted disturbed me. Almost every class, the teacher (ugh, I just can't bring myself to call her a professor for 1)she's probably just a graduate student; 2) she's too boring and dull to deserve such a title) would let us do one or two psychological "quizzes" and then, no matter what the turnout is, always conclude with "well, the majority tends to do this and not that because of this and that" as if she personally knows what we think. I mean, I know this is not her problem--if I were to teach the class I probably would have done the same, and that's why I said I am opposed to the idea of PSYCHOLOGY and psychology alone.
Psychology loves to give names to all these miscellaneous humanly processes as if humanly emotions can be categorized that easily. Psychology loves to group people and call them X if they exhibit A, B, C, D, and E. I can't stand that. When the teacher talked about superstitions and the like, she denounced them all so "scientifically" and unemotionally that she seemed like a soulless robot reading off of the textbook. I think studying psychology makes people think that they can analyze the composition of human mind; it's like taking apart a complicated gadget (brain) and lays all its individual parts (cerebrum, medulla, etc.) in front you. The mystery is gone.
I believe in two things: 1) everyone is special in their own ways; it's not possible to categorize a person under a label; 2) when a person believes wholly in science and rejects all the unexplainable mysteries of nature and human mind, then he or she is also rejecting human creativity and imagination. I think that makes him or her not "human".
Although I begin to hate psychology since the very class, I did not have the motive to write a blog entry until I read a comment for a Japanese novel that I just read. The English translation of the book's title is something like "losing the qualifications to live/no longer deserved to live." The main character is really weird young man who basically thinks very differently from "normal" people. His mind is incomprehensible by others just like others' minds are to him. As you can imagine, living on this world is very hard for a weird but very sensitive person like him.
One of the comments said that in modern terms, the main character is severely depressed and autistic. Well, the commenter is probably right but I just don't feel you can characterize all his peculiarities, idiosyncrasies into two words: depressed and autistic. I rather use the term "weird" (for the third time) than "depressed and autistic." Beneath the depressed and autistic external body, the main character is incredibly expressive and thoughtful. It's true that he perceives the world in a rather depressing and gloomy way (he considers "living" a tragic term whereas "death" a comedic one) but that's because he thinks differently. He was born thinking differently, perceiving the world differently.
Why do we always like to use simple terms to describe people? In this case scientific terms like depressed and autistic, in other cases statistic numbers like test scores. Men are not simple beings. Judgment of men is supposed to be subjective and descriptive (but, of course, not in the scientific sense of descriptive). Is it too hard of a task?
Psychology loves to give names to all these miscellaneous humanly processes as if humanly emotions can be categorized that easily. Psychology loves to group people and call them X if they exhibit A, B, C, D, and E. I can't stand that. When the teacher talked about superstitions and the like, she denounced them all so "scientifically" and unemotionally that she seemed like a soulless robot reading off of the textbook. I think studying psychology makes people think that they can analyze the composition of human mind; it's like taking apart a complicated gadget (brain) and lays all its individual parts (cerebrum, medulla, etc.) in front you. The mystery is gone.
I believe in two things: 1) everyone is special in their own ways; it's not possible to categorize a person under a label; 2) when a person believes wholly in science and rejects all the unexplainable mysteries of nature and human mind, then he or she is also rejecting human creativity and imagination. I think that makes him or her not "human".
Although I begin to hate psychology since the very class, I did not have the motive to write a blog entry until I read a comment for a Japanese novel that I just read. The English translation of the book's title is something like "losing the qualifications to live/no longer deserved to live." The main character is really weird young man who basically thinks very differently from "normal" people. His mind is incomprehensible by others just like others' minds are to him. As you can imagine, living on this world is very hard for a weird but very sensitive person like him.
One of the comments said that in modern terms, the main character is severely depressed and autistic. Well, the commenter is probably right but I just don't feel you can characterize all his peculiarities, idiosyncrasies into two words: depressed and autistic. I rather use the term "weird" (for the third time) than "depressed and autistic." Beneath the depressed and autistic external body, the main character is incredibly expressive and thoughtful. It's true that he perceives the world in a rather depressing and gloomy way (he considers "living" a tragic term whereas "death" a comedic one) but that's because he thinks differently. He was born thinking differently, perceiving the world differently.
Why do we always like to use simple terms to describe people? In this case scientific terms like depressed and autistic, in other cases statistic numbers like test scores. Men are not simple beings. Judgment of men is supposed to be subjective and descriptive (but, of course, not in the scientific sense of descriptive). Is it too hard of a task?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
黑白。
在某些方面我很极端。比如说，我认为在这世上人做的事情无非分两种：一种是对的，另一种是错的。你做/说得对，很好；做/说错了，接受批评并立即改正。判断对错的标准是逻辑。对就是对，错就是错，最大的问题就是谁能证明谁是对谁是错。总而言之，就是就这么简单。而如今的人，长得越大的人就越喜欢抛弃逻辑，就越无法接受批评，爱上了用像礼貌，“尊重”，甚至道德这样的借口将批评者的嘴给堵上。我并不是说人与人之间不该互相尊重。那是当然。双方面的礼貌的尊重是在社会上存活而必须的。但是我实在是受不了那些每当受到对于自己人格上的批评时就说对方粗鲁，不尊重/敬你，没礼貌等等而以此借口忽略对方所提的正当，在理的意见的人。如果我说的错了，请告诉我哪里错了，但是别跟我说什么“闭嘴！天天就知道狡辩还嘴，没大没小。” 我看还是您闭嘴回屋好好反省您自己吧。这种无理取闹的俗套只有我在无理可说时才会故意拿出来。。。虽然这种情况我还从来没遇见过。
Friday, February 26, 2010
Reading
As I said before, I'm an impulsive person.
I used to hate reading, especially English, especially novels. But for some strange reason I started reading quite frequently recently...in the beginning it's just maybe 20-30 min before sleep, but now I often put off school work for the morning next day and instead read for hours. English, Chinese, Japanese literature, whatever. And it's really fun and exciting. This is sort of an embarrassing announcement to make. I should not be realizing the joy of literature at the age of 18. But anyway, it's good that I realized it. The end justifies the means, yeh?
I used to hate reading, especially English, especially novels. But for some strange reason I started reading quite frequently recently...in the beginning it's just maybe 20-30 min before sleep, but now I often put off school work for the morning next day and instead read for hours. English, Chinese, Japanese literature, whatever. And it's really fun and exciting. This is sort of an embarrassing announcement to make. I should not be realizing the joy of literature at the age of 18. But anyway, it's good that I realized it. The end justifies the means, yeh?
Hubris.
Every time before or after an argument that I have with other people I like to go to Jackie for her opinion. I rarely concede during a fight and tend to think absolutely that I am right and the other is wrong. I know that is ridiculous. I know I am not always right and in fact, often wrong. So I go to Jackie and more often than not she patiently gives her opinion: where I did wrong, where the other side was wrong. True or not, for some reason I always end up conceding to Jackie that I'm wrong, if not totally. So, if Jack you're reading this, I just want to say that you're a great friend because you truly listens to other people--this is very rare nowadays. Anyway, the reason this entry is titled hubris is that I do feel I might suffer from hubris if it weren't for someone like Jack to dump cold water on me once in a while.
I don't want to be Oedipus. T_T
So thanks, and, hi Jack :)
I don't want to be Oedipus. T_T
So thanks, and, hi Jack :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Change of Name
I'm an impulsive person.
Suddenly I realized that I really like the phrase Carpe Diem, especially its Chinese version: 活在当下。 Although I don't always following it, out of fear, shame, whatever, I do appreciate the message very much and I do keep it in mind, always. Another thing is, the former name "A Lonely Eagle's Lonely Nest" sounds way too depressing to me, now I think of it. Carpe Diem has a much more positive, hopeful tone and I hope it will make me more positive as well.
Suddenly I realized that I really like the phrase Carpe Diem, especially its Chinese version: 活在当下。 Although I don't always following it, out of fear, shame, whatever, I do appreciate the message very much and I do keep it in mind, always. Another thing is, the former name "A Lonely Eagle's Lonely Nest" sounds way too depressing to me, now I think of it. Carpe Diem has a much more positive, hopeful tone and I hope it will make me more positive as well.
Friday, February 19, 2010
XX后
不知不觉间——不对，也许是我后知后觉——70后，80后，90后这样的字眼渗透了网络文化。一瞬间，千千万万人被盖上了XX后的帽子，有的人感到自豪，有的人感到不满。一瞬间，我已经不是一个十八岁的成年人；我只不过是众多脑残，非主流，不懂人间苦的小屁孩之一。我觉得这现象很可笑，却怎么也笑不出来。韩寒说，“作为我本人，非常讨厌以年代划分作者，每个优秀作者都是个性鲜明的人，哪能分类。”我是读了他的这句话，才真正喜欢上他的文字。不仅仅是作者，每个人都是个性鲜明的人，怎么能以年代给一群的人贴标签。哪个年龄段的人里没有脑残，非主流，不懂人间苦的？这世上什么人都有，有因为生活艰苦而异常早熟的小学生，也有到四十不惑还不明事非的“成年人”。将人以出生年代分类不但没有逻辑，也很不尊重人——是的，人。我是理解的，我经常也有想说“啊，如今的小学生如何如何”的冲动。我觉得我是成熟的，而比我年龄小的人是幼稚的，不开窍的。但我会控制这种话的不成熟，不理智的冲动。我的原则是只针对个人，不针对群体。我希望人与人在还未与对方接触前（通过面对面接触，文字，影像，或其他媒体），能假设对方是像你一样有逻辑，有思想的人。如果在接触后你发现这个人连傻子都不如，那是这个人的问题。但是如果在完全不知道这个人的情况下，就因为你看见这个人的个别同龄人做过的一些事，就认为这个人无药可救，那么真正无药可救的其实是你。
如果你津津有味地用着像“70后，80后，90后”这样充满偏见与无知的字眼的原因不是以偏概全，而仅仅是因为你属于某“XX后”群体的话，那你同样也是可悲的。其实，“XX后”给我带来的感觉不是偏见与无知，更确切地说是“傲慢与偏见”。我觉得每当一个人不加思索地将自己称为XX后时，他就像豆瓣上网友逗逗豆豆给我的回复里写到那般：“从批评别人中，我们获得的不仅仅是口舌的快感，还能强化在一个群体的身份认同感和归属感，强化作为一个个体的生存体验。而且，如果你站在道德的制高点上对别人指手划脚，确实能获得高高在上的优越感。”我对自己的期望是可以从自身的努力来找到归属感，优越感，成就感等等（当然，认同感需帮助）。我实在不明白，以年代将自己或他人盲目地归类对自己或是对他人究竟有什么用处。偶尔说说也罢了，但是总是看到听到就有点不正常。我希望这世界还没无聊到这种任何人都能被轻易贴标签的地步。我希望我是Leila，而不是XX后。
如果你津津有味地用着像“70后，80后，90后”这样充满偏见与无知的字眼的原因不是以偏概全，而仅仅是因为你属于某“XX后”群体的话，那你同样也是可悲的。其实，“XX后”给我带来的感觉不是偏见与无知，更确切地说是“傲慢与偏见”。我觉得每当一个人不加思索地将自己称为XX后时，他就像豆瓣上网友逗逗豆豆给我的回复里写到那般：“从批评别人中，我们获得的不仅仅是口舌的快感，还能强化在一个群体的身份认同感和归属感，强化作为一个个体的生存体验。而且，如果你站在道德的制高点上对别人指手划脚，确实能获得高高在上的优越感。”我对自己的期望是可以从自身的努力来找到归属感，优越感，成就感等等（当然，认同感需帮助）。我实在不明白，以年代将自己或他人盲目地归类对自己或是对他人究竟有什么用处。偶尔说说也罢了，但是总是看到听到就有点不正常。我希望这世界还没无聊到这种任何人都能被轻易贴标签的地步。我希望我是Leila，而不是XX后。
Thursday, February 11, 2010
.
Death is easy, living is a lot of responsibilities. If I can, I really don't want to live. I'm not saying that I intend to commit suicide or anything; that is not the case at all. I just wish that I hadn't existed at all. Every time I think of the burdens lying ahead me--only because I was born as the result of some random coincidence--all I can feel is despair. For some reason, I know there is a reason that I must continue to "pleasure the body"--I just don't know what it is. I'm certainly not buying the religious bullshit though. I prefer things based on actual logic and reason.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I have learned my lesson.
This is really not something that I'm proud to blog about. But I need to blog about it otherwise I would never get over it.
Everything began with my noticing my 90 for the Lit MP1 grade is somehow lowered to an 89. Seriously, I'm not even kidding, if I were not a senior I would have never cared about this because 1) 89 and 90 numerically does not make any difference; 2) quarter grades won't show on transcript anyway and an one point really isn't going to affect my final grade that much--so if I were not a senior, I would have never cared to bother Mrs. Etra for some trivial stupid thing like this. But I did, because I'm a senior and I want to have a presentable midyear report, after all, 89 and 90 IS a matter of difference between an B+ and a A-. So I emailed her quite a while ago, she said she made a mistake and changed it. But I just found out recently that the grade change is not reflected in the "grading", which is what is going to be sent out as report cards and what is going to count for the GPA. So I emailed her a few days ago, asking her to fix it again. But, what happened is that, when I check it again, I realized that my MP2 (previously seen as B+ because I got an 88) became an A- as well. I considered the possibility that it was just her being nice but I mean, if there had been so many "mistakes", or whatever, it's totally possible that this is just another one. So I asked her to fix it again, and the main reason is that I don't want to be hypocritical--I've been bothering her all these times about a one point difference I don't want to all of a sudden be quiet when a "mistake" is favorable to me. But it turns out that it WAS her being nice and she wrote the longest email I've ever seen her write and ended that email with "Please trust me and stop giving me reminders." I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm kind of scarred for life. I can understand that I was being annoying (because it's senior year) and I show a general distrust of her ability, but all I have done was acting on my conscience and principles. Besides, I didn't know that she does subjective grading like Arod as well considering that my first marking period grade was strictly following the genesis grade. So this is another misunderstanding due to lack of information. Anyway, I can't believe my uprightness is actually seen as an annoyance, although I can see how the process of being so is indeed annoying. I try to put myself into her shoes and I still can't figure out why she would ever find it annoying so explicitly. If I were her and she were me, I would have just laughed it off and explained it without that last line. Actually, I wouldn't know. So never mind. My point is, I've learned my lesson:
I will never question the authority unless it is unfavorable to me to not do so.
When money suddenly falls down from the sky, take it, do not care about who it belongs or whether or not you deserve it.
Everything began with my noticing my 90 for the Lit MP1 grade is somehow lowered to an 89. Seriously, I'm not even kidding, if I were not a senior I would have never cared about this because 1) 89 and 90 numerically does not make any difference; 2) quarter grades won't show on transcript anyway and an one point really isn't going to affect my final grade that much--so if I were not a senior, I would have never cared to bother Mrs. Etra for some trivial stupid thing like this. But I did, because I'm a senior and I want to have a presentable midyear report, after all, 89 and 90 IS a matter of difference between an B+ and a A-. So I emailed her quite a while ago, she said she made a mistake and changed it. But I just found out recently that the grade change is not reflected in the "grading", which is what is going to be sent out as report cards and what is going to count for the GPA. So I emailed her a few days ago, asking her to fix it again. But, what happened is that, when I check it again, I realized that my MP2 (previously seen as B+ because I got an 88) became an A- as well. I considered the possibility that it was just her being nice but I mean, if there had been so many "mistakes", or whatever, it's totally possible that this is just another one. So I asked her to fix it again, and the main reason is that I don't want to be hypocritical--I've been bothering her all these times about a one point difference I don't want to all of a sudden be quiet when a "mistake" is favorable to me. But it turns out that it WAS her being nice and she wrote the longest email I've ever seen her write and ended that email with "Please trust me and stop giving me reminders." I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm kind of scarred for life. I can understand that I was being annoying (because it's senior year) and I show a general distrust of her ability, but all I have done was acting on my conscience and principles. Besides, I didn't know that she does subjective grading like Arod as well considering that my first marking period grade was strictly following the genesis grade. So this is another misunderstanding due to lack of information. Anyway, I can't believe my uprightness is actually seen as an annoyance, although I can see how the process of being so is indeed annoying. I try to put myself into her shoes and I still can't figure out why she would ever find it annoying so explicitly. If I were her and she were me, I would have just laughed it off and explained it without that last line. Actually, I wouldn't know. So never mind. My point is, I've learned my lesson:
I will never question the authority unless it is unfavorable to me to not do so.
When money suddenly falls down from the sky, take it, do not care about who it belongs or whether or not you deserve it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
An Excerpt
"对于五毛党，我有着不同的见解。首先，我认为我们要允许五毛党的存在，每个人都有权利雇佣别人为自己说话，每个被雇佣者都有权利在任何地方说话。你如果能够把小明打一顿，然后用从小明身上搜刮来的钱雇个人再把小明骂一顿，这也算是你的本事。任何一个政府，都有为他宣传的机构,这是情有可原的。但是五毛党完全是政府的败笔，我以前以为五毛党的出现是为了引导舆论，现在想来我错了，因为你不会因为看见一堆人围着在吃屎而挤进去吃一口。五毛党本是中高层麻痹讨好最高层的产物，但随着五毛党的横行，很多光辉正确的人士只要一开口，明明是免费的，结果全都变成了五毛党，这严重打击了他们的积极性。本来进酒店开个房间一夜情，完事了出门全世界都说你是鸡，这种打击不言而喻。你一旦设立了五毛党，除了国内外舆论影响不好以外，所有你原本的拥护者都有了五毛党的嫌疑。我为什么很少赞美政府，一来是因为我怕别人说我是五毛党，二来若批评无自由，则赞美无意义，三来我已经纳了税，人民纳的税被用于五毛党活动经费，也等于是我间接赞美了政府。" -韩寒
哈哈
哈哈
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Fight Club and more
So today I watched Alejandro's favorite movie Fight Club and had an extended conversation with him afterward, as usual. I must admit that he noticed a lot more substance in the movie than I did. For example, the big thing we talked about was Project Mayhem. AT first I viewed it as merely organized acts to release pressure accumulated in daily, boring life. But only after his kind reminder did I remember hearing something about the Project Mayhem's objective being "destroy the beautiful and restart the world."
Okay.
I paused for a moment because 1) I did not see it coming and almost believed for a second that this objective is kind of beautiful in itself; 2) something just sounds intrinsically wrong to me and I could not point it out at that very moment. And then I realized what it was. I've seen this before. I've seen lines like that before. Notably, in Death Note. Raito is this teenager who by accident gets this death notebook that by writing down names of people he can kill them any way he wants. Raito begins using it extensively when he decided to kill prisoners who he deems undeserving of life. He called himself Killer, and gradually more people began to worship him, making him feel like god. After a while, to evade prosecution, he began killing non-prisoners...and then entirely innocent people...
Yes, the Noah's Ark idea of the world being so dirty and ugly that it has to be rebuilt is not a novel one. But the problem is, who determines that? I think the only person that knows whether the entity "world" is ugly is God, and I doubt anyone in the mundane world has the omnipotence of "God." Of course, people are entitled to their opinions but it becomes dangerous when one (this can be individual or a collective group) begin to thinks that his opinion constitutes the ultimate truth and everyone else must follow his through whatever means possible. Seriously? How do you know your opinion is any more true or right than mine? Plus, how can anyone claim to be so knowledgeable that he knows what the entity "society/world" is like exactly in his limited lifespan? I bet some of those people who literally traveled everywhere around the world and met more kinds of people than any of us had cannot even make a definite claim about whether the world is good or bad. In fact, I believe that the more you see or experience, the more you'll realize the complexity and multiplicity of life and "society."
Anyway, going back to Alejandro's argument. He believes that life should be a simple, uncomplicated connection to nature, without the influence of technology, extraneous material, etc. Okay, that's fine. But what is not fine is that he believe EVERYONE's life should be like that and the world is ugly because everyone's life is NOT like that (and therefore world is better off being "rebooted"). A beautiful vision suddenly turns into a ridiculous presumption. What if my belief is that our lives have become so much better off with all the technology...for example, technology exempts many of us from spending the majority of time working for subsistence and liberates many of us to do things that we like. Without technology, we will all have to work our ass off to just produce merely enough to eat, let alone pondering about whether or not the world is beautiful. So, is Alej's or my vision the "right" one? Who can tell? God can. But does God exist? No. So no one can.
Just like what I said to Alej, the only person you can change is yourself. You can advise, convince, or even force other people to do certain things, but you can't CHANGE them. If there is a particular style that one is so fond of, then make conscious efforts to change yourself and live that lifestyle. Mr. Rogoff had a huge impact on me. He once asked the class, how can you be both pro-life and pro-choice? The answer is: refrain from abortion yourself, but accept others' decision to do whatever they want with their body.
I think if someone neglects the effort to change on his own part, then it is easy for that person to fall into the vicious cycle of useless whining about others while not doing anything constructive himself. I don't remember if I had mentioned this before, but my utopia is called a world of "mutual understanding." The mutual understanding includes respecting others' opinions and cultural differences while holding onto your own beliefs. Leke and I once had a debate over something that I don't even remember, but I remember I said that America proves that at least some people can live harmoniously while have differing opinions about almost everything. Everyone need NOT to think the same to live together harmoniously. You don't have to lose your own identity to live in peace with a group of people who all hold the same belief that's a direct opposite of yours. Understanding, sympathy, and compassion--these are all we need to live peaceably in this world. After all, we're all citizens of the Earth.
Okay.
I paused for a moment because 1) I did not see it coming and almost believed for a second that this objective is kind of beautiful in itself; 2) something just sounds intrinsically wrong to me and I could not point it out at that very moment. And then I realized what it was. I've seen this before. I've seen lines like that before. Notably, in Death Note. Raito is this teenager who by accident gets this death notebook that by writing down names of people he can kill them any way he wants. Raito begins using it extensively when he decided to kill prisoners who he deems undeserving of life. He called himself Killer, and gradually more people began to worship him, making him feel like god. After a while, to evade prosecution, he began killing non-prisoners...and then entirely innocent people...
Yes, the Noah's Ark idea of the world being so dirty and ugly that it has to be rebuilt is not a novel one. But the problem is, who determines that? I think the only person that knows whether the entity "world" is ugly is God, and I doubt anyone in the mundane world has the omnipotence of "God." Of course, people are entitled to their opinions but it becomes dangerous when one (this can be individual or a collective group) begin to thinks that his opinion constitutes the ultimate truth and everyone else must follow his through whatever means possible. Seriously? How do you know your opinion is any more true or right than mine? Plus, how can anyone claim to be so knowledgeable that he knows what the entity "society/world" is like exactly in his limited lifespan? I bet some of those people who literally traveled everywhere around the world and met more kinds of people than any of us had cannot even make a definite claim about whether the world is good or bad. In fact, I believe that the more you see or experience, the more you'll realize the complexity and multiplicity of life and "society."
Anyway, going back to Alejandro's argument. He believes that life should be a simple, uncomplicated connection to nature, without the influence of technology, extraneous material, etc. Okay, that's fine. But what is not fine is that he believe EVERYONE's life should be like that and the world is ugly because everyone's life is NOT like that (and therefore world is better off being "rebooted"). A beautiful vision suddenly turns into a ridiculous presumption. What if my belief is that our lives have become so much better off with all the technology...for example, technology exempts many of us from spending the majority of time working for subsistence and liberates many of us to do things that we like. Without technology, we will all have to work our ass off to just produce merely enough to eat, let alone pondering about whether or not the world is beautiful. So, is Alej's or my vision the "right" one? Who can tell? God can. But does God exist? No. So no one can.
Just like what I said to Alej, the only person you can change is yourself. You can advise, convince, or even force other people to do certain things, but you can't CHANGE them. If there is a particular style that one is so fond of, then make conscious efforts to change yourself and live that lifestyle. Mr. Rogoff had a huge impact on me. He once asked the class, how can you be both pro-life and pro-choice? The answer is: refrain from abortion yourself, but accept others' decision to do whatever they want with their body.
I think if someone neglects the effort to change on his own part, then it is easy for that person to fall into the vicious cycle of useless whining about others while not doing anything constructive himself. I don't remember if I had mentioned this before, but my utopia is called a world of "mutual understanding." The mutual understanding includes respecting others' opinions and cultural differences while holding onto your own beliefs. Leke and I once had a debate over something that I don't even remember, but I remember I said that America proves that at least some people can live harmoniously while have differing opinions about almost everything. Everyone need NOT to think the same to live together harmoniously. You don't have to lose your own identity to live in peace with a group of people who all hold the same belief that's a direct opposite of yours. Understanding, sympathy, and compassion--these are all we need to live peaceably in this world. After all, we're all citizens of the Earth.
Monday, February 1, 2010
再谈韩寒。
有人说韩寒应该来美国这类的地方来开开眼。我曾经也这么想过。但是很显然他并不是对什么自由国家的理论不了解，正是因为他很清楚自由是什么，他在中国的存在才显得更有意义。时代造就人，有的人生不逢时，有的人就像韩寒一样被时代造就了。确实，韩寒的那一套要是放在美国的话基本就是COMMON SENSE， 但韩寒所竭力提倡的那些事，如果不在中国说，就没有意义了，而正是因为他在中国勇敢地说出了这些早就该有人说的话，他才会被这么多人追随。韩寒不需要去美国等地开眼，他就属于中国。
韩寒厦大演讲：所谓文化大国
第二次来到厦门，然后这里的空气很好，难怪大家都喜欢散步啊。嗯。。。刚才我听邓老师说了一些，然后关于爱国主义的一些东西，那我想到了两句话，我是之前看到的，但是别人说的，不是我说的。第一句话是---爱国主义是流氓最后的庇护所。第二句话是---真正的爱国主义就是要保护这个国家，让这个国家不受到任何的迫害。
呃。。。然后今天我也准备了一些说的内容，带了一个稿纸，这是为了约束我自己，不要大家受到什么迫害，我怕我满嘴跑火车，开始了啊：
各位领导，各位老师，各位同学大家好！大家知道中国为什么一直成不了一个文化大国吗？因为在我们大部分的讲话的时候，各位领导永远是放在第一位的，而各位领导都是没有文化的。他们是惧怕文化的是审查文化，但是呢，他们又能够控制文化，所以说这个国家怎么够成为文化大国呢？各位领导，你们说呢。
其实中国是有成为一个文化大国的潜力的。我给大家讲一个故事。我主编一本杂志，那么现在都没有出版。然后呢，宪法上有规定啊，每个公民都拥有出版的自由，但是呢我们的王法又有规定，就是领导有不让你出版的自由。
这个杂志呢很多地方在审查上遇到了很多问题，里面有一副漫画，漫画里面是一张图，主人公是个男的，他没有穿衣服。当然这就是不可以的嘛，因为相关的法律法规规定就不能露出那个阴部，在那个公开的出版物上。但这是我认可了，我觉得没有问题。所以特地把那个杂志特别大的一个LOGO啊，就放在它那个不合法的那个部位。然后突然之间就是出版社的审查人员就告诉我说，诶，这个不可以，你把这个人的中间这个地方挡住了，说你这是在暗喻"党中央"。
我的反应和大家一样啊，我被雷到了。我当时脑子里就在想，朋友，把你这个惊天地泣鬼神的想象力啊用在文艺创作上，然后而是用在文艺审查上那该有多好。通过这个故事我想告诉大家，其实大家都是可有想象力的啊，但是很多事情我们只能想，我们不能，不能去做，不能写，甚至有的场合不能说啊。呃。。。我们的限制太多了，这是一个限制级的国家。在限制级的国家里怎么可能产生非常丰富的文化呢。是吧。我已经算是一个自我限制很少的一个同志了，但是在我落笔的时候呢，我就会情不自禁地想，这个警察不能写，领导不能写，政策不能写，制度不能写，司法不能写，奴隶制不能写，西藏不能写，新疆不能写，集会不能写，游行不能写，黄色不能写，封杀不能写，艺术不能写，啊，高雅我也写不出。谢谢，我真的写不出高雅，我又不是余秋雨。
在网路上发表的一些文章啊，尺度已经算是比较大的。有很多写剧本的朋友，比如张爱玲这些写剧本的朋友，包括象类似宁财神啊写一些话剧，拍一些电影剧本和电视剧，他们非常的痛苦。在这样的一个文化环境下，就我一直在想，如何去成为一个文化大国，除非全世界就只剩下中国、朝鲜还有阿富汗。朝鲜是文化禁地，大家都知道。然后阿富汗是因为国内的局势还搞不清楚，他还顾不上，但纵然这样，他们都已经有作家写出了《追风筝的人》。当然比较遗憾的是这也不是在阿富汗出版的，但我想，一旦阿富汗搞清楚了，也不是没有可能去超过中国。
呃。。。我们所谓的在国际交流上不能赞扬一些四大名著和孔孟之道，说穿了，这样就像相亲的时候女方问你有没有钱，你说你祖宗十八辈上有钱。这是没用的。这个悲剧的造成，我觉得，和大家没有任何的关系。虽然说，通往朝鲜的道路，是由每一个沉默的人铺就的。但是，这一方面，我们当然要比朝鲜强很多啊。因为大家也都知道朝鲜是什么样子的。另外一方面呢，我相信在座的大家，其实很多人，大家并不沉默啊，大家只是被和谐了。
呃。。。在中国的这个扫黄史上，我们很多同学，我想大家应该都知道绿爸啊。大家都知道。他们会告诉你，我们这么做是为了保护青少年，是为了射会的稳定，文化是自| 油的。所以他们有权平蔽任何危害青少年，破坏射会稳定的资讯和文化。但是如果你认同呢，迟早有一天你会发现，你在空诉你的遭遇的时候，他们会将你平蔽，最名是破坏射会稳定。到了最后，凡是不利于党志阶层的，不利于他们获得利义的言论，都是破坏射会的稳定，都是危害青少年。如果我们当时容忍了绿八花季护航的话，@#$%^&，到那个时候就不光是文化的东西了，所以同学们，我们不能让这一片的XX，否则在以后，在若干年以后，在你的孙子，通过卫星接收到的电子课本的历史书上，我们都会是笑料。
所以。。。谢谢大家。
本文由本人完全根据视频中的声音资料整理，未删任何东西，有些地方可能猜测有误。
为防止该文不能发出或其他一些事故，对某些关键字词进行了火星化，如有阅读困难，十分抱歉。
如果对在下信任的话，这里还有一份出去语音助词以及个人觉得不影响表达后整理出来的整理版：
http://www.douban.com/note/58956774/
视频来源：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQ5NTQ1OTU2.html（第一部分，包括本文除最后两段外的内容）
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQ5NTQ4MTI4.html（第二部分，本文最后两段以及韩寒同易中天的谈话）
第二次来到厦门，然后这里的空气很好，难怪大家都喜欢散步啊。呃……（笑、掌声）嗯，刚才我听邓老师说了一些然后关于一些爱国主义的一些东西，那我想到了两句话，我是之前看到的，那是别人写的不是我说的：第一句话是“爱国主义是流氓最后的庇护所”；第二句话是“真正的爱国主义就是要保护这个国家，让这个国家不受到任何的廹嗐”。（掌声）
呃……然后今天我为准备了一些说的内容，带了一个稿纸，是为了约束我自己。（笑）不要大家受到什么廹嗐，我怕我满嘴跑火车。好，开始了啊。
各位領導、（大笑）各位老师、各位同学，大家好！大家知道中国为什么一直成为不了一个文化大国吗？因为在我们大部分的讲话的时候，“各位領導”永远是放在第一位的，而“各位領導”都是没有文化的。（大笑、掌声）不光是这样，他们还是惧怕文化的、是讅査文化，但是呢，他们又能够控製文化，所以说这个国家怎么能够成为文化大国呢？各位領導你们说呢？（笑、掌声）
呃，其实中国是有成为一个文化大国的潜力的。我给大家讲个故事：我主编一本杂志，到现在都没有出版。然后呢，宪法上有规定啊，每个肱泯都拥有出版的洎鮋。但是呢我们的王法又有规定，就是領導有不让你出版的洎鮋。（笑）这个杂志呢很多地方在讅査上遇到了一些问题。呃，里面有一副漫画，漫画是一张图，主人公是个男的，他没有穿衣服。当然这是不可以的，因为相关的法律法规规定就不能露出那个阴部在那个公开的出版物上。那这个我认可，我觉得……所以我特地把那个杂志特别大的一个LOGO啊就挡在它那个不合法的那个部位。（笑）然后突然之间这间出版社的讅査人员就告诉我说：呃，这个不可以，你把这个人的中间这个地方啊挡住了，说你这是在暗寓“黨祌央”。（大笑、掌声）嗯，我反应和大家一样啊——我被雷到了。（大笑）我当时脑子里就在想，朋友，我说把你这个惊天地泣鬼神的想象力啊用在文艺创作上，而不是用在文艺讅査上那该有多好？通过这个故事我想告诉大家，其实大家都是很有想象力的，但是很多事情我们只能想，我们不能，不能做、不能写，甚至很多场合不能说啊。
呃……我们的硍製太多了，成为了一个硍製级的国家，（窃笑）在硍製级的国家里怎么可能产生非常丰富的文化？我已经算是一个硍製，自我硍製很少的一个哃誌了，但是在我落笔的时候呢，我又会情不自禁地想这个：警詧不能写、領導不能写、政筴不能写、製渡不能写、司法不能写、革掵史不能写、徆鑶不能写、噺疆不能写、集薈不能写、蝣荇不能写、鱑脃不能写、謀殺不能写、艺术不能写……
啊！高雅我也写不出。（笑）那么，我还会写的，但是我真的写不出高雅，我又不是余秋雨。（笑、掌声）
在网络上发表的一些文章啊，这个尺度已经算是非常大的。有很多写剧本的朋友，比如张爱玲这些写剧本的朋友，包括像这次宁财神啊写一些话剧，还有电影剧、电视剧，他们非常的痛苦，在这样的一个文化环境下。我就，我一直在想，如果你成为一个文化大国，除非全世界都只剩下中国、嘲尠和阿富汗。（笑）呃，嘲尠是文化禁地，大家都知道，然后阿富汗呢是因为国内的局势实在搞不清楚他还顾不上的话。但纵然这样，他们都已经有作家写出了《The Kite Runner》（即《追风筝的孩子》，有可能是这一本，本人目前也只找到这一本的英文名发音同韩寒当时演讲里的发音比较接近）。当然比较遗憾的是这也不是在阿富汗出版的。我想，一旦阿富汗搞清楚了，也不是没有可能去超过英国。
呃……我们所谓的在国际交流上啊不能赞扬一些斯汏啉之路和孔孟之道是不是？这样就像相亲的时候女方问你有没有钱，你说你祖宗十八辈很有钱，（笑）这是没用的。这个悲剧的造成啊，我觉得，这个和大家没有任何的关系。虽然说，通往嘲尠的道路是由每一个沉默的人铺就的。但是，某一方面当然要比嘲尠强很多啊，因为大家也都知道嘲尠是什么样子的。另外一方面呢，我相信在座的大家，其实很多人，大家并不沉默啊，大家只是被龢諧了。（笑）
呃……在中国的这个掃鱑史上，呃我们很多同学，我想大家应该都知道因为毕竟是大学生，呃像大家都知道綠垻啊。他们会告诉你，他们这么做是为了保护青少年、是为了社澮的穩啶，文化是洎鮋的。所以他们有权幈蔽任何危害青少年、破坏社澮穩啶的资讯和文化。但是如果你认同呢，迟早有一天你会发现，你在控诉你的遭遇的时候，他们会将你幈蔽，罪名是破坏社澮穩啶……到了最后，凡是不利于統治阶层的、不利他们获得利益的言论，都是破坏社澮的穩啶、都是危害青少年。如果我们当时容忍了綠垻花季护航的话，然后我们就会看到綠垻花甲护航，到那个时候就不光是文化的东西了。所以同学们，我们不能让这一天的到来。否则在以后、在若干年以后，在你的孙子的，通过卫星接收到的电子课本的历史书上，我们都会是笑料。
所以……谢谢大家！（掌声）
呃。。。然后今天我也准备了一些说的内容，带了一个稿纸，这是为了约束我自己，不要大家受到什么迫害，我怕我满嘴跑火车，开始了啊：
各位领导，各位老师，各位同学大家好！大家知道中国为什么一直成不了一个文化大国吗？因为在我们大部分的讲话的时候，各位领导永远是放在第一位的，而各位领导都是没有文化的。他们是惧怕文化的是审查文化，但是呢，他们又能够控制文化，所以说这个国家怎么够成为文化大国呢？各位领导，你们说呢。
其实中国是有成为一个文化大国的潜力的。我给大家讲一个故事。我主编一本杂志，那么现在都没有出版。然后呢，宪法上有规定啊，每个公民都拥有出版的自由，但是呢我们的王法又有规定，就是领导有不让你出版的自由。
这个杂志呢很多地方在审查上遇到了很多问题，里面有一副漫画，漫画里面是一张图，主人公是个男的，他没有穿衣服。当然这就是不可以的嘛，因为相关的法律法规规定就不能露出那个阴部，在那个公开的出版物上。但这是我认可了，我觉得没有问题。所以特地把那个杂志特别大的一个LOGO啊，就放在它那个不合法的那个部位。然后突然之间就是出版社的审查人员就告诉我说，诶，这个不可以，你把这个人的中间这个地方挡住了，说你这是在暗喻"党中央"。
我的反应和大家一样啊，我被雷到了。我当时脑子里就在想，朋友，把你这个惊天地泣鬼神的想象力啊用在文艺创作上，然后而是用在文艺审查上那该有多好。通过这个故事我想告诉大家，其实大家都是可有想象力的啊，但是很多事情我们只能想，我们不能，不能去做，不能写，甚至有的场合不能说啊。呃。。。我们的限制太多了，这是一个限制级的国家。在限制级的国家里怎么可能产生非常丰富的文化呢。是吧。我已经算是一个自我限制很少的一个同志了，但是在我落笔的时候呢，我就会情不自禁地想，这个警察不能写，领导不能写，政策不能写，制度不能写，司法不能写，奴隶制不能写，西藏不能写，新疆不能写，集会不能写，游行不能写，黄色不能写，封杀不能写，艺术不能写，啊，高雅我也写不出。谢谢，我真的写不出高雅，我又不是余秋雨。
在网路上发表的一些文章啊，尺度已经算是比较大的。有很多写剧本的朋友，比如张爱玲这些写剧本的朋友，包括象类似宁财神啊写一些话剧，拍一些电影剧本和电视剧，他们非常的痛苦。在这样的一个文化环境下，就我一直在想，如何去成为一个文化大国，除非全世界就只剩下中国、朝鲜还有阿富汗。朝鲜是文化禁地，大家都知道。然后阿富汗是因为国内的局势还搞不清楚，他还顾不上，但纵然这样，他们都已经有作家写出了《追风筝的人》。当然比较遗憾的是这也不是在阿富汗出版的，但我想，一旦阿富汗搞清楚了，也不是没有可能去超过中国。
呃。。。我们所谓的在国际交流上不能赞扬一些四大名著和孔孟之道，说穿了，这样就像相亲的时候女方问你有没有钱，你说你祖宗十八辈上有钱。这是没用的。这个悲剧的造成，我觉得，和大家没有任何的关系。虽然说，通往朝鲜的道路，是由每一个沉默的人铺就的。但是，这一方面，我们当然要比朝鲜强很多啊。因为大家也都知道朝鲜是什么样子的。另外一方面呢，我相信在座的大家，其实很多人，大家并不沉默啊，大家只是被和谐了。
呃。。。在中国的这个扫黄史上，我们很多同学，我想大家应该都知道绿爸啊。大家都知道。他们会告诉你，我们这么做是为了保护青少年，是为了射会的稳定，文化是自| 油的。所以他们有权平蔽任何危害青少年，破坏射会稳定的资讯和文化。但是如果你认同呢，迟早有一天你会发现，你在空诉你的遭遇的时候，他们会将你平蔽，最名是破坏射会稳定。到了最后，凡是不利于党志阶层的，不利于他们获得利义的言论，都是破坏射会的稳定，都是危害青少年。如果我们当时容忍了绿八花季护航的话，@#$%^&，到那个时候就不光是文化的东西了，所以同学们，我们不能让这一片的XX，否则在以后，在若干年以后，在你的孙子，通过卫星接收到的电子课本的历史书上，我们都会是笑料。
所以。。。谢谢大家。
本文由本人完全根据视频中的声音资料整理，未删任何东西，有些地方可能猜测有误。
为防止该文不能发出或其他一些事故，对某些关键字词进行了火星化，如有阅读困难，十分抱歉。
如果对在下信任的话，这里还有一份出去语音助词以及个人觉得不影响表达后整理出来的整理版：
http://www.douban.com/note/58956774/
视频来源：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQ5NTQ1OTU2.html（第一部分，包括本文除最后两段外的内容）
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTQ5NTQ4MTI4.html（第二部分，本文最后两段以及韩寒同易中天的谈话）
第二次来到厦门，然后这里的空气很好，难怪大家都喜欢散步啊。呃……（笑、掌声）嗯，刚才我听邓老师说了一些然后关于一些爱国主义的一些东西，那我想到了两句话，我是之前看到的，那是别人写的不是我说的：第一句话是“爱国主义是流氓最后的庇护所”；第二句话是“真正的爱国主义就是要保护这个国家，让这个国家不受到任何的廹嗐”。（掌声）
呃……然后今天我为准备了一些说的内容，带了一个稿纸，是为了约束我自己。（笑）不要大家受到什么廹嗐，我怕我满嘴跑火车。好，开始了啊。
各位領導、（大笑）各位老师、各位同学，大家好！大家知道中国为什么一直成为不了一个文化大国吗？因为在我们大部分的讲话的时候，“各位領導”永远是放在第一位的，而“各位領導”都是没有文化的。（大笑、掌声）不光是这样，他们还是惧怕文化的、是讅査文化，但是呢，他们又能够控製文化，所以说这个国家怎么能够成为文化大国呢？各位領導你们说呢？（笑、掌声）
呃，其实中国是有成为一个文化大国的潜力的。我给大家讲个故事：我主编一本杂志，到现在都没有出版。然后呢，宪法上有规定啊，每个肱泯都拥有出版的洎鮋。但是呢我们的王法又有规定，就是領導有不让你出版的洎鮋。（笑）这个杂志呢很多地方在讅査上遇到了一些问题。呃，里面有一副漫画，漫画是一张图，主人公是个男的，他没有穿衣服。当然这是不可以的，因为相关的法律法规规定就不能露出那个阴部在那个公开的出版物上。那这个我认可，我觉得……所以我特地把那个杂志特别大的一个LOGO啊就挡在它那个不合法的那个部位。（笑）然后突然之间这间出版社的讅査人员就告诉我说：呃，这个不可以，你把这个人的中间这个地方啊挡住了，说你这是在暗寓“黨祌央”。（大笑、掌声）嗯，我反应和大家一样啊——我被雷到了。（大笑）我当时脑子里就在想，朋友，我说把你这个惊天地泣鬼神的想象力啊用在文艺创作上，而不是用在文艺讅査上那该有多好？通过这个故事我想告诉大家，其实大家都是很有想象力的，但是很多事情我们只能想，我们不能，不能做、不能写，甚至很多场合不能说啊。
呃……我们的硍製太多了，成为了一个硍製级的国家，（窃笑）在硍製级的国家里怎么可能产生非常丰富的文化？我已经算是一个硍製，自我硍製很少的一个哃誌了，但是在我落笔的时候呢，我又会情不自禁地想这个：警詧不能写、領導不能写、政筴不能写、製渡不能写、司法不能写、革掵史不能写、徆鑶不能写、噺疆不能写、集薈不能写、蝣荇不能写、鱑脃不能写、謀殺不能写、艺术不能写……
啊！高雅我也写不出。（笑）那么，我还会写的，但是我真的写不出高雅，我又不是余秋雨。（笑、掌声）
在网络上发表的一些文章啊，这个尺度已经算是非常大的。有很多写剧本的朋友，比如张爱玲这些写剧本的朋友，包括像这次宁财神啊写一些话剧，还有电影剧、电视剧，他们非常的痛苦，在这样的一个文化环境下。我就，我一直在想，如果你成为一个文化大国，除非全世界都只剩下中国、嘲尠和阿富汗。（笑）呃，嘲尠是文化禁地，大家都知道，然后阿富汗呢是因为国内的局势实在搞不清楚他还顾不上的话。但纵然这样，他们都已经有作家写出了《The Kite Runner》（即《追风筝的孩子》，有可能是这一本，本人目前也只找到这一本的英文名发音同韩寒当时演讲里的发音比较接近）。当然比较遗憾的是这也不是在阿富汗出版的。我想，一旦阿富汗搞清楚了，也不是没有可能去超过英国。
呃……我们所谓的在国际交流上啊不能赞扬一些斯汏啉之路和孔孟之道是不是？这样就像相亲的时候女方问你有没有钱，你说你祖宗十八辈很有钱，（笑）这是没用的。这个悲剧的造成啊，我觉得，这个和大家没有任何的关系。虽然说，通往嘲尠的道路是由每一个沉默的人铺就的。但是，某一方面当然要比嘲尠强很多啊，因为大家也都知道嘲尠是什么样子的。另外一方面呢，我相信在座的大家，其实很多人，大家并不沉默啊，大家只是被龢諧了。（笑）
呃……在中国的这个掃鱑史上，呃我们很多同学，我想大家应该都知道因为毕竟是大学生，呃像大家都知道綠垻啊。他们会告诉你，他们这么做是为了保护青少年、是为了社澮的穩啶，文化是洎鮋的。所以他们有权幈蔽任何危害青少年、破坏社澮穩啶的资讯和文化。但是如果你认同呢，迟早有一天你会发现，你在控诉你的遭遇的时候，他们会将你幈蔽，罪名是破坏社澮穩啶……到了最后，凡是不利于統治阶层的、不利他们获得利益的言论，都是破坏社澮的穩啶、都是危害青少年。如果我们当时容忍了綠垻花季护航的话，然后我们就会看到綠垻花甲护航，到那个时候就不光是文化的东西了。所以同学们，我们不能让这一天的到来。否则在以后、在若干年以后，在你的孙子的，通过卫星接收到的电子课本的历史书上，我们都会是笑料。
所以……谢谢大家！（掌声）
Sunday, January 31, 2010
重要和不重要的事
正准备开始为明天的期中考复习时，看到了李开复的这两段话：
“1. 不要成为“紧急”的奴隶。事分轻重缓急，这里面的“重”和“急”是不一样的。“准备明天的考试”是“急事”，而“培养自己的积极性”是“重要事”。人的惯性是先做最紧急的事，但往往因为这么做而致使重要的事被荒废。大部分紧急的事情其实是并不重要的，而许多重要的事情并不紧急。因此，不要把全部的时间都去做那些看起来“紧急”的事情，一定要留一些时间做那些真正“重要”的事情，比如打好知识基础，学习做人等等。每天管理时间的一种方法是早上立定今天要做的紧急事和重要事，睡前回顾这一天有没有做到两者的平衡。
2. 分清楚“必须做”的事和“不必须做”的事，做到“足够好就好”的事和“足够好仍不够好”的事。有那么多的“紧急事”和“重要事”，想把每件都做到最好是不实际的。“足够好仍不够好”的事要做到最好，但是“足够好就好”的事尽力而为就可。建议你用良好的态度和胸怀接受那些你不能改变的事情，多关注那些你能够改变的事情。虽然我提倡“追随我心”，但是在追随你的兴趣的同时，一定要把必须做的事做好。这是一种基本的责任心。”
首先，我相信没有人认为就因为他成功了他所有说的都是对的。。只不过他的话让我想到我花在复习考试的无数没有必要的时间。。我本可以用这些时间来读有意义的东西，却不知道为了什么我拿它来复习，好像非得考个A+不可。考试这种东西，过得去就行（“足够好”）。虽然我的标准是“A”，但是我很清楚很多时候我不花那么多时间复习也会得A，却仍然花了这些时间。读书，探索知识才是真正的“重要事”。当然，这不过是在学校里。我觉得如果是进入了社会，开始工作后，你的工作就是“必须做的事”。比如明天要交一个项目，而如果你花这时间来读柏拉图，那是不负责任的做法。不过对于我来说，我还是不复习了，读书去了（是的，两者不同）。
“1. 不要成为“紧急”的奴隶。事分轻重缓急，这里面的“重”和“急”是不一样的。“准备明天的考试”是“急事”，而“培养自己的积极性”是“重要事”。人的惯性是先做最紧急的事，但往往因为这么做而致使重要的事被荒废。大部分紧急的事情其实是并不重要的，而许多重要的事情并不紧急。因此，不要把全部的时间都去做那些看起来“紧急”的事情，一定要留一些时间做那些真正“重要”的事情，比如打好知识基础，学习做人等等。每天管理时间的一种方法是早上立定今天要做的紧急事和重要事，睡前回顾这一天有没有做到两者的平衡。
2. 分清楚“必须做”的事和“不必须做”的事，做到“足够好就好”的事和“足够好仍不够好”的事。有那么多的“紧急事”和“重要事”，想把每件都做到最好是不实际的。“足够好仍不够好”的事要做到最好，但是“足够好就好”的事尽力而为就可。建议你用良好的态度和胸怀接受那些你不能改变的事情，多关注那些你能够改变的事情。虽然我提倡“追随我心”，但是在追随你的兴趣的同时，一定要把必须做的事做好。这是一种基本的责任心。”
首先，我相信没有人认为就因为他成功了他所有说的都是对的。。只不过他的话让我想到我花在复习考试的无数没有必要的时间。。我本可以用这些时间来读有意义的东西，却不知道为了什么我拿它来复习，好像非得考个A+不可。考试这种东西，过得去就行（“足够好”）。虽然我的标准是“A”，但是我很清楚很多时候我不花那么多时间复习也会得A，却仍然花了这些时间。读书，探索知识才是真正的“重要事”。当然，这不过是在学校里。我觉得如果是进入了社会，开始工作后，你的工作就是“必须做的事”。比如明天要交一个项目，而如果你花这时间来读柏拉图，那是不负责任的做法。不过对于我来说，我还是不复习了，读书去了（是的，两者不同）。
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Twilight...the Movie
I used to tell myself a book series that can become SO popular among teenage girls is definitely not an nutritious one. And I believe I was right. The thing is, I eventually gave in to my temptation and watched the first movie...even better...immediately after the first movie, I watched the second one New Moon. Not that I think it's a good series. In fact, nothing--acting, plot, dialogue--is even near well-done. But, I guess it was the wish to witness this kind of, literally, "I-can't-live-without-you love" that led me to open up the link for New Moon after finishing Twilight amidst a sea of criticisms, from myself.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
书单。
刚刚收到了四本近日在红螺中文书店(www.bookseed.com)订购的中文书。。。是时候温习一下中日文学经典了：
1）《放学后》东野圭吾 $6.60
2）《围城&人兽鬼》钱钟书 $9.74
3）《斜阳》太宰治 $7.85
4）《呐喊》鲁迅 $2.78
Shipping: $3.99
Total: $30.96！！
以前总觉得在美国买中文书太贵了，那价格简直就是把中文标签上的￥换成$，还有运费也好贵。但是要回中国搬运的话，有非常重，搬不了几本。红螺中文书店大部分书都相对的便宜，而且运费是统一3.99！好开心！
1）《放学后》东野圭吾 $6.60
2）《围城&人兽鬼》钱钟书 $9.74
3）《斜阳》太宰治 $7.85
4）《呐喊》鲁迅 $2.78
Shipping: $3.99
Total: $30.96！！
以前总觉得在美国买中文书太贵了，那价格简直就是把中文标签上的￥换成$，还有运费也好贵。但是要回中国搬运的话，有非常重，搬不了几本。红螺中文书店大部分书都相对的便宜，而且运费是统一3.99！好开心！
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
恶习。
不看美国总统的演讲不知其实美国也有像类似中国那样的恶心。比如现在正在进行的奥巴马的State of Union Address——奥巴马每讲十个字就有十秒钟的掌声。我到底是听奥巴马的演讲还是给他的掌声？不能歇着点吗？我已经记得不大清楚了，不过去年奥巴马的另一个演讲更夸张，每讲十字全体人（除了老弱病残）就会起立鼓掌十秒钟。真是烦死我了。我相信鼓掌的本意是为了表示自己1）对演讲者的赞同2）对演讲者的钦佩。如果鼓掌，甚至起立鼓掌只不过是一个机械性的运动，那鼓掌与不鼓掌还有什么分别？真是莫名其妙。但是不需要看太久就可以看出来这些有规律的起立鼓掌不是因为这些议员饿赞同或发自内心的敬佩，而仅仅是因为某种无聊的传统。这让我想到十二国记里阳子说的一段我非常非常喜欢的话：
“人，当真正感谢和尊敬对方时会自然而然地低下头，那种用地位来强迫别人低头以维持自己尊严的事是错误的......以适度的礼仪对待他人，那是理所当然的事，是否这样做，取决于个人的品质，这并非什么严重的事！”
“人，当真正感谢和尊敬对方时会自然而然地低下头，那种用地位来强迫别人低头以维持自己尊严的事是错误的......以适度的礼仪对待他人，那是理所当然的事，是否这样做，取决于个人的品质，这并非什么严重的事！”
Hmm...the "Type" of Songs I Like...
People like to ask this type of questions. But it has always been difficult for me to answer. Just like how I said before (perhaps in Chinese), I don't like to criticize an entire group, but I have no problem with criticizing one individual person after I get to know him or her. I don't like songs by genres or artists or albums or whatever, I like songs. Why would you do that anyway? Sometimes I would find a song that I really like, and then start searching for similar ones, but usually I end up still only liking the first one I found. So anyway, I could like any type of songs. I'm open to all genres. But if you must solicit a general answer from me, I guess I like songs with a distinctive melody and an actual rhythm to it...for example, I wouldn't even consider "screamo" as a type of song. They are just screams...not even rhythmic screams. I don't like those slow, usually melancholy songs either--the ones that are so slow that you can't really figure out what the main melody is.
So yeah, that's my answer.
P.S. Wow, this would make a perfect video if I were vlogging for Travis' antsonaVlog thingy. XD
So yeah, that's my answer.
P.S. Wow, this would make a perfect video if I were vlogging for Travis' antsonaVlog thingy. XD
Sunday, January 24, 2010
[转载]大学的无用之用
大学的无用之用
日期：2005-07-22 16:16:37 作者：吴澧 来源：东方早报
http://www.univs.cn/newweb/news/news/culture/2005-07-22/91092.html
当今对大学的批评，不但在中国，在美国也一样，主要有两派：一派认为大学过分注重实用技能，教出的学生缺乏人文修养；还有一派则批评大学脱离实际，所颁发的学位证书，唯一能证明的，只是持有人在无数学生磨过屁股的凳子上又白白磨了四年。这后一派批评者主要来自工商界，微软的比尔。盖茨也是带头人之一。企业的心理都一样，恨不得招进来的大学生，一分钱培训费都不用花，马上就能顶班上岗。
敝人一贯认为大学要教外语、文史哲、基础科学和“绅士风度”等“无用”的知识，有用的技能都是可以工作后再学的。恩格斯曾经说过：“社会一旦有技术上的需要，这种需要就会比十所大学更能把科学推向前进。”这是对社会而言，但对个人也一样，一旦你的“衣食父母”有技能上的要求，这种要求就会比十所大学更能推动你的学习。
1950年代还没有“软件工程 ”这一名称更没有这一专业时，刚刚开始生产通用计算机的IBM急需大量程序员，只要你肯干，他们就培训。不少学语言、艺术、历史等科目的毕业生，为了吃饭，也进了IBM写程序。多年以后，公司发现，他们的总体表现并不比数学和工科毕业生差，因为在某些设计上———比如，如何让使用者易于理解机器的指令，这些文科生有优势。直到今天，IBM每年仍然会招收一些文科生从事技术工作。这些文科生就是在工作中学了有用的知识，又在大学里读了自己喜欢的科目。
其实，真正决定你踏上社会后能走多远的关键因素是性格，而性格恰恰是无用的东西陶冶出来的。一个反证是，我们大概都有体会，读不读大学，对收入和生活状况影响很大。很多工作，没有大学学位，根本不让申请。但大学里成绩好不好，似乎与毕业后的成就关系不大。说明起关键作用的并不是大学里学到的那些所谓的有用知识。
医生算是非常专业化的、没有学位证书绝对不得入其门的行业，但美国现在很多医学院开设一门叫作“叙述医学 ”（narrativemadicine）的课。比如哥伦比亚大学医学院规定，学生在第二年必须修习这门课一学期，其内容就是通过研读小说，让学生了解如何从病人的主诉里获取所需信息。病人对医生的最大意见之一，就是医生常常用权威的口吻呛得他们不敢畅所欲言。分析文学作品的修辞手段，这一似乎非常无用的知识，却可以改善学生的风度，帮助他们成为更好的医生。虽然，笔者有点自己的怀疑。常用教材是毛姆的《人性枷锁》，这部小说里的学医男主角，被女人骗了一次又一次，长辈留下的遗产都被骗光，差点毕不了业。男学生读了这本书，将来会不会给女病人乱开病假单？
庄子曰：“人皆知有用之用，而莫知无用之用也。”有用技能的用途早已被规定；而无用的知识，正因为其无用，才能有无法预测的大用。
日期：2005-07-22 16:16:37 作者：吴澧 来源：东方早报
http://www.univs.cn/newweb/news/news/culture/2005-07-22/91092.html
当今对大学的批评，不但在中国，在美国也一样，主要有两派：一派认为大学过分注重实用技能，教出的学生缺乏人文修养；还有一派则批评大学脱离实际，所颁发的学位证书，唯一能证明的，只是持有人在无数学生磨过屁股的凳子上又白白磨了四年。这后一派批评者主要来自工商界，微软的比尔。盖茨也是带头人之一。企业的心理都一样，恨不得招进来的大学生，一分钱培训费都不用花，马上就能顶班上岗。
敝人一贯认为大学要教外语、文史哲、基础科学和“绅士风度”等“无用”的知识，有用的技能都是可以工作后再学的。恩格斯曾经说过：“社会一旦有技术上的需要，这种需要就会比十所大学更能把科学推向前进。”这是对社会而言，但对个人也一样，一旦你的“衣食父母”有技能上的要求，这种要求就会比十所大学更能推动你的学习。
1950年代还没有“软件工程 ”这一名称更没有这一专业时，刚刚开始生产通用计算机的IBM急需大量程序员，只要你肯干，他们就培训。不少学语言、艺术、历史等科目的毕业生，为了吃饭，也进了IBM写程序。多年以后，公司发现，他们的总体表现并不比数学和工科毕业生差，因为在某些设计上———比如，如何让使用者易于理解机器的指令，这些文科生有优势。直到今天，IBM每年仍然会招收一些文科生从事技术工作。这些文科生就是在工作中学了有用的知识，又在大学里读了自己喜欢的科目。
其实，真正决定你踏上社会后能走多远的关键因素是性格，而性格恰恰是无用的东西陶冶出来的。一个反证是，我们大概都有体会，读不读大学，对收入和生活状况影响很大。很多工作，没有大学学位，根本不让申请。但大学里成绩好不好，似乎与毕业后的成就关系不大。说明起关键作用的并不是大学里学到的那些所谓的有用知识。
医生算是非常专业化的、没有学位证书绝对不得入其门的行业，但美国现在很多医学院开设一门叫作“叙述医学 ”（narrativemadicine）的课。比如哥伦比亚大学医学院规定，学生在第二年必须修习这门课一学期，其内容就是通过研读小说，让学生了解如何从病人的主诉里获取所需信息。病人对医生的最大意见之一，就是医生常常用权威的口吻呛得他们不敢畅所欲言。分析文学作品的修辞手段，这一似乎非常无用的知识，却可以改善学生的风度，帮助他们成为更好的医生。虽然，笔者有点自己的怀疑。常用教材是毛姆的《人性枷锁》，这部小说里的学医男主角，被女人骗了一次又一次，长辈留下的遗产都被骗光，差点毕不了业。男学生读了这本书，将来会不会给女病人乱开病假单？
庄子曰：“人皆知有用之用，而莫知无用之用也。”有用技能的用途早已被规定；而无用的知识，正因为其无用，才能有无法预测的大用。
The Fifty-Cents Party
Before going into the actual subject, please allow me to reminisce a bit.
I moved to New York from China shortly after my birthday in 2003. The time I spent in New York was not a pleasant one. I was the only Chinese person in the entire sixth grade, and the few friends/people-I-know were upperclassmen so we didn't get to know each other that well anyway. I didn't really speak English so I didn't really make any non-Chinese friends. In addition to that, there were bullying (which I bet every new Chinese and even non-Hispanic/White student went through) and cockroaches in the kitchen. I was very lonely. The only thing I have was internet and the few friends that I made over the internet not long before. I was losing contact with my elementary school friends primarily because we all moved on. There was nothing to talk about between us anymore.
I remember during that time my mom used to hide the laptop...I don't remember for what reason...but I found the laptop and everyday after school, I would take it out and go on the internet, and then just before mom came home, I would put it back exactly the way it was, as if nothing had happened. Although I stopped playing online games during that period, I had nothing to do but surfing on the net (I don't really have real homework, and I barely study for anything; once, I even brought home a test because I didn't know what it was) I felt like if my life were deprived of internet at that time, I would have had absolutely nothing to do. My pastime was centered around 163's online community; I had no where to go or socialize in the real world.
So one day, I asked 一龙, one of my friends I made over the internet, something like what does he do when he's not on the internet. He said: "I hang out with friends." I was shocked. I could not imagine what it was like to have friends to "hang out with." In fact, before I came to America, I only went shopping (for my farewell gift) with my friends only once. I never hang out. Now I think about it, I never had real friends. I was shocked. I was shocked at how lonely and pathetic I was.
And then everything changed as I moved to Fort Lee. I began making friends. Real friends with whom I talked about things and go to places with (although usually just the library and its surroundings). My English was improving so I actually began studying and working for classes. I stopped going on QQ (Chinese equivalent of AIM) as often and then gradually I stopped paying attention to Chinese affairs. I don't remember what I devoted most of my time to during that time (7th and 8th grade)probably because it was nothing important. But I think I missed a lot. I missed the emergence of Hanhan, the coinage of new terms like the Fifty-cents Party, and so many other things that people are so familiar today but I only recently got to know what they are. Things I should have known long time ago but did not know until now. I was out of touch with both Chinese popular culture and the American.
I don't know exactly what brought me back to the Chinese internet community...probably douban.com, a website for book, movie, drama, and music reviews. I read other people's reviews from which I get learn about things. And then, the first time in quite a while, I logged on to QQ again, and began chatting with the same old friends again (the internet ones). I am still not completely satisfied. I still feel something is missing. But I don't know what it is. Relatively speaking, my life right now is good. At least I handn't gotten the feeling of constant loneliness in quite a while. I'm glad.
Now, the Fifty-cents Party. This is a nickname for a group of people who are hired by the government as "internet commenters." Basically, they go on various news websites and popular forums and comment in support of the government or the government's policy. For each comment they get fifty cents Yuan, hence the name. This is supposed to be an "underground" organization that the commoners should not know, but everyone knows (interestingly a local government once publicized a news that they just hired 600 internet commenters as if trying to brag about their feat to the higher administration; that news was immediately spread to major news websites but its links were shortly made invalid. Haha.) I just learned about this recently from Hanhan's blog although I should have known that long time ago.
Anyway, I finally understood why the tone of some "netizen"'s comments on particular issues are so inconsistent with the usual tone and position. For example, regarding the Google's threat to withdraw from China, the opinions I saw when the news just got out were rage--the netizens' comments I saw on various forums were generally more mocking and sarcastic of the government and more sympathetic toward Google. The majority of them seem to prefer Google to Baidu (the Chinese search engine); in fact, some of them seem to detest Baidu. Just a day or two ago, the official Chinese statement came out, condemning the US for hinting that its internet isn't open and such. And the comments of this news in 163.com were mostly things along the lines of: "Get the hell out of China, Google! We don't want you here! I always use Baidu." And pages after pages of comments were filled by words like these. After a while, I read so many that I really don't know which are the true supporters of China's policy and which are just the hired internet commenters' talking.
A popular Chinese blogger wrote that hiring internet commenters (in the name of directing public opinion in the right way) is a bad strategy because government isn't able to see what the real public opinion is anymore. It's fine to monitor public opinion, but it's harmful to the stability of the government if the government is ignorant of what the people really think. I can't agree with him more because I am already feeling this frustration. What percent of the public is truly in support of Chinese government and what percent wants China to negotiate with Google so that Google stays? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
I moved to New York from China shortly after my birthday in 2003. The time I spent in New York was not a pleasant one. I was the only Chinese person in the entire sixth grade, and the few friends/people-I-know were upperclassmen so we didn't get to know each other that well anyway. I didn't really speak English so I didn't really make any non-Chinese friends. In addition to that, there were bullying (which I bet every new Chinese and even non-Hispanic/White student went through) and cockroaches in the kitchen. I was very lonely. The only thing I have was internet and the few friends that I made over the internet not long before. I was losing contact with my elementary school friends primarily because we all moved on. There was nothing to talk about between us anymore.
I remember during that time my mom used to hide the laptop...I don't remember for what reason...but I found the laptop and everyday after school, I would take it out and go on the internet, and then just before mom came home, I would put it back exactly the way it was, as if nothing had happened. Although I stopped playing online games during that period, I had nothing to do but surfing on the net (I don't really have real homework, and I barely study for anything; once, I even brought home a test because I didn't know what it was) I felt like if my life were deprived of internet at that time, I would have had absolutely nothing to do. My pastime was centered around 163's online community; I had no where to go or socialize in the real world.
So one day, I asked 一龙, one of my friends I made over the internet, something like what does he do when he's not on the internet. He said: "I hang out with friends." I was shocked. I could not imagine what it was like to have friends to "hang out with." In fact, before I came to America, I only went shopping (for my farewell gift) with my friends only once. I never hang out. Now I think about it, I never had real friends. I was shocked. I was shocked at how lonely and pathetic I was.
And then everything changed as I moved to Fort Lee. I began making friends. Real friends with whom I talked about things and go to places with (although usually just the library and its surroundings). My English was improving so I actually began studying and working for classes. I stopped going on QQ (Chinese equivalent of AIM) as often and then gradually I stopped paying attention to Chinese affairs. I don't remember what I devoted most of my time to during that time (7th and 8th grade)probably because it was nothing important. But I think I missed a lot. I missed the emergence of Hanhan, the coinage of new terms like the Fifty-cents Party, and so many other things that people are so familiar today but I only recently got to know what they are. Things I should have known long time ago but did not know until now. I was out of touch with both Chinese popular culture and the American.
I don't know exactly what brought me back to the Chinese internet community...probably douban.com, a website for book, movie, drama, and music reviews. I read other people's reviews from which I get learn about things. And then, the first time in quite a while, I logged on to QQ again, and began chatting with the same old friends again (the internet ones). I am still not completely satisfied. I still feel something is missing. But I don't know what it is. Relatively speaking, my life right now is good. At least I handn't gotten the feeling of constant loneliness in quite a while. I'm glad.
Now, the Fifty-cents Party. This is a nickname for a group of people who are hired by the government as "internet commenters." Basically, they go on various news websites and popular forums and comment in support of the government or the government's policy. For each comment they get fifty cents Yuan, hence the name. This is supposed to be an "underground" organization that the commoners should not know, but everyone knows (interestingly a local government once publicized a news that they just hired 600 internet commenters as if trying to brag about their feat to the higher administration; that news was immediately spread to major news websites but its links were shortly made invalid. Haha.) I just learned about this recently from Hanhan's blog although I should have known that long time ago.
Anyway, I finally understood why the tone of some "netizen"'s comments on particular issues are so inconsistent with the usual tone and position. For example, regarding the Google's threat to withdraw from China, the opinions I saw when the news just got out were rage--the netizens' comments I saw on various forums were generally more mocking and sarcastic of the government and more sympathetic toward Google. The majority of them seem to prefer Google to Baidu (the Chinese search engine); in fact, some of them seem to detest Baidu. Just a day or two ago, the official Chinese statement came out, condemning the US for hinting that its internet isn't open and such. And the comments of this news in 163.com were mostly things along the lines of: "Get the hell out of China, Google! We don't want you here! I always use Baidu." And pages after pages of comments were filled by words like these. After a while, I read so many that I really don't know which are the true supporters of China's policy and which are just the hired internet commenters' talking.
A popular Chinese blogger wrote that hiring internet commenters (in the name of directing public opinion in the right way) is a bad strategy because government isn't able to see what the real public opinion is anymore. It's fine to monitor public opinion, but it's harmful to the stability of the government if the government is ignorant of what the people really think. I can't agree with him more because I am already feeling this frustration. What percent of the public is truly in support of Chinese government and what percent wants China to negotiate with Google so that Google stays? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Give Me Education or Give Me Death!
This is something that I wrote half an hour ago for the newspaper...it doesn't have EVERYTHING I think about education...but yeah..it's a piece of writing whatever..
----------------------
Give Me Education or Give Me Death!
By Xinyi Lin
Recalling from personal experience, it seems that everyone has something to complain about the American education system: “students nowadays are only concerned with pop culture,” “we need to have better teachers,” and “the education system is too test-oriented.” More than once have I heard people comment that the American high school graduates are underperforming in colleges and the students from our public schooling system are far behind in academics than those from other nations, namely China, Korea, and Japan. I am not here to refute or affirm any of these specific assertions. For simplicity’s sake, let’s just skip the cause(s) and jump to the conclusion that our education system is not perfect.
The presence of a problem obviously calls for a solution. Although the problem with our education (that I purposefully skipped) is numerous and diverse, there seems to exist a tendency in the reactions of the leaders of the nation: from Bush’s No Child Left Behind policy to Obama’s Race to the Top, these education “reforms” all place an heavy emphasis on measuring student performance in standardized tests. Recently, Randi Weingarten, the president of the American Federation of Teachers, says that she will urge her members to adopt a form of teacher evaluation partly based on students’ achievement on standardized tests. HOLD ON! Are we looking for a magical cure for a problem far too complex? Has the “administration” run out of imaginative ideas so that the only thing it can think of is to demote students to numbers? To demote education to statistics?
Well, if education is not statistics then what is it? I believe that education is an unending process toward achieving enlightenment. It is not merely the procurement of knowledge (let alone getting an A on math tests) although knowledge is probably necessary to most human beings engaged in this process. In those rare occasions during schooldays when I remotely feel I am being educated, my entire world seems to open up, revealing a vast, unexplored terrain of thoughts to which I so eagerly embrace. This type of feeling usually doesn’t surface at all during testing days. In fact, I believe that when one considers the essence of education, the term “testing” should be the last to come to mind.
I am not supporting the eradication of “testing” in schools; actually, I am pretty good at unimaginative things like that and without it I would have never been inducted into the National Honors Society considering that I am a fairly unimaginative, poorly educated person. Instead, my solution to the education problem is a cliché that I mentioned in the beginning of this article: we need better good teachers. Good teachers are like catalysts in chemical reactions, shortening our path to enlightenment instead of lowering activation energy. I expect a good teacher to inspire, not instruct. I expect him to teach from his heart, not from his books. A good teacher goes beyond the curriculum and teaches his students what it takes to be a thinking human being, not a test-taking machine. But I also understand the difficulty on the part of the teachers because we live in a society that makes a fetish of protocols, guidelines, and other “objective measures” such as standardized testing scores. So yes, we need better teachers, but I don’t blame the teachers because they are chained to the current rigid, bureaucratic schooling system as much as we are.
Now, please allow me to express my most sincere optimism regarding education in my typically unoriginal way:
God bless America.
----------------------
Give Me Education or Give Me Death!
By Xinyi Lin
Recalling from personal experience, it seems that everyone has something to complain about the American education system: “students nowadays are only concerned with pop culture,” “we need to have better teachers,” and “the education system is too test-oriented.” More than once have I heard people comment that the American high school graduates are underperforming in colleges and the students from our public schooling system are far behind in academics than those from other nations, namely China, Korea, and Japan. I am not here to refute or affirm any of these specific assertions. For simplicity’s sake, let’s just skip the cause(s) and jump to the conclusion that our education system is not perfect.
The presence of a problem obviously calls for a solution. Although the problem with our education (that I purposefully skipped) is numerous and diverse, there seems to exist a tendency in the reactions of the leaders of the nation: from Bush’s No Child Left Behind policy to Obama’s Race to the Top, these education “reforms” all place an heavy emphasis on measuring student performance in standardized tests. Recently, Randi Weingarten, the president of the American Federation of Teachers, says that she will urge her members to adopt a form of teacher evaluation partly based on students’ achievement on standardized tests. HOLD ON! Are we looking for a magical cure for a problem far too complex? Has the “administration” run out of imaginative ideas so that the only thing it can think of is to demote students to numbers? To demote education to statistics?
Well, if education is not statistics then what is it? I believe that education is an unending process toward achieving enlightenment. It is not merely the procurement of knowledge (let alone getting an A on math tests) although knowledge is probably necessary to most human beings engaged in this process. In those rare occasions during schooldays when I remotely feel I am being educated, my entire world seems to open up, revealing a vast, unexplored terrain of thoughts to which I so eagerly embrace. This type of feeling usually doesn’t surface at all during testing days. In fact, I believe that when one considers the essence of education, the term “testing” should be the last to come to mind.
I am not supporting the eradication of “testing” in schools; actually, I am pretty good at unimaginative things like that and without it I would have never been inducted into the National Honors Society considering that I am a fairly unimaginative, poorly educated person. Instead, my solution to the education problem is a cliché that I mentioned in the beginning of this article: we need better good teachers. Good teachers are like catalysts in chemical reactions, shortening our path to enlightenment instead of lowering activation energy. I expect a good teacher to inspire, not instruct. I expect him to teach from his heart, not from his books. A good teacher goes beyond the curriculum and teaches his students what it takes to be a thinking human being, not a test-taking machine. But I also understand the difficulty on the part of the teachers because we live in a society that makes a fetish of protocols, guidelines, and other “objective measures” such as standardized testing scores. So yes, we need better teachers, but I don’t blame the teachers because they are chained to the current rigid, bureaucratic schooling system as much as we are.
Now, please allow me to express my most sincere optimism regarding education in my typically unoriginal way:
God bless America.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tumblr is a really confusing place.
For some reason tumblr has become very popular recently...the available designs ARE really chic and modern but more often than not they are very very confusing.
And it's more like a teenager's diary than a BLOG blog (I don't know what I mean by blog either...it could be just a diary...but I prefer reading introspective things than reading personal ramblings...but again...if it's a PERSONAL blog...i guess personal ramblings are fine...like what I'm doing right now...)
Anyway...I don't like tumblr.
And it's more like a teenager's diary than a BLOG blog (I don't know what I mean by blog either...it could be just a diary...but I prefer reading introspective things than reading personal ramblings...but again...if it's a PERSONAL blog...i guess personal ramblings are fine...like what I'm doing right now...)
Anyway...I don't like tumblr.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I'm such a retard.
Even though Chris refused to admit, he did asked me to prom. And about an hour ago, I said I will go if he does not go back to being an asshole before prom. And suddenly it dawned me: the kind of words Chris used to say to me and how Hanah was even pissed at him. How I swore that I would never talk to him again because he was such a shitty friend and etc. and etc. And how I kept making the same mistake and I would never make it again.
I made it again. It's not that I'm mad at him at this moment. I am not. I think recently he has been behaving quite normally (relative to his standard). At this moment I really wouldn't mind going to prom with him because we're the kind of friends that know each other very well (Chris will argue that I don't KNOW him but I DO) but we also know that we are definitely not for each other (regarding this aspect we hate each other). I almost forgot about how upset he made me feel in the not so distant past. I don't know why I forget about things like this so quickly. I can be arguing like crazy with daddy today and be the best friends tomorrow morning.
I made the same mistake again. And I can't take it back.
I made it again. It's not that I'm mad at him at this moment. I am not. I think recently he has been behaving quite normally (relative to his standard). At this moment I really wouldn't mind going to prom with him because we're the kind of friends that know each other very well (Chris will argue that I don't KNOW him but I DO) but we also know that we are definitely not for each other (regarding this aspect we hate each other). I almost forgot about how upset he made me feel in the not so distant past. I don't know why I forget about things like this so quickly. I can be arguing like crazy with daddy today and be the best friends tomorrow morning.
I made the same mistake again. And I can't take it back.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
批评：个人 vs 群体
在豆瓣上看见了叫做逗逗豆豆的人对于坂上之云的评论后产生的一个讨论。。。我觉得也是对我关于8090还有群体vs个人等的想法的一个很好的summary。
---------------------------
逗逗豆豆，
“在娱乐化的节目影响下，我总觉得，青少年会变得不会思考，懒于思考，不能严肃，爱好粗浅。以娱乐为导向的电视和网络宣传，型塑建构一种思维方式和生 活习惯，就是追求刺激与快感，对深入思考与人类的终极问题不以为然，道德底线沦为比基尼，羞耻这个词最终会被清除出人类语言。 ”
不管是小孩，青少年，成年人，还是老年人--人都喜欢以高高在上的方式批评不是属于自己那一类的人。成年人喜欢说青少年怎样怎样。。老年人喜欢说成年人怎样怎样。。。思想上的成熟性是不分年龄的。你就像那些钟情于将人分为70后，80后，90后等的人一样愚蠢和肤浅。
----
@葱头鹰
您说的现象是存在的，
确实很多人喜欢批评不是属于自己那一类的人。但是否高高在上，不能一概而论。因为每一类人都有自己的立场和思维方式么，批评不同意见不同行为 者很正常很普遍。从批评别人中，我们获得的不仅仅是口舌的快感，还能强化在一个群体的身份认同感和归属感，强化作为一个个体的生存体验。而且，如果你站在 道德的制高点上对别人指手划脚，确实能获得高高在上的优越感。
至于我，你引用的话中，我无意于批评别的群体，只是陈述一种看法--青少年是民族的未来，在铺天盖地的娱乐化节目包围下，非常不利于他们的成长。
将人分为70后，80后，90后等说法和做法我也是很不舒服，以前我是很抵制这种说法的，因为我就是80年代生人，80年代的人千奇百怪，所以有人把我归在80后一类，让我很不舒服。但是日久，也就不想辩白了。
愚蠢和肤浅的确是我的缺点，但是我勤于思考，希望能有所改观。
---
逗逗豆豆，
谢谢你非常诚恳的回复。我还真是没想过从批评它人中一个人得到的不仅是自我满足感还有“身份认同感和归属感”。。。
我并不是反对批评。我也并不否定娱乐化节目在青少年身上的影响。也许是我的意见有些偏激，但第一，我觉得批评个人是合情合理的，批评一个“群体”则是件很不公平的事情，第二，将所谓的恶性”成长“完全归咎于外来因素也是不公平的。
你也是同意”人千奇百怪“的，所以如果就因为个别--甚至很多属于某”群体“的人--做一件事而就将那一整群的人（青少年，比如）给骂了，是完全不符合逻辑的事。所以我对于将人划分成70后80后等感到非常的不舒服。比如，你怎么就能确定“娱乐化节目”没有带给任何“青少年”一点好的影响？其次，你怎么就能确定青少年就是唯一的受害群？难道青年，成年，老年人里就没有因为娱乐化文化而变得低俗的吗？逗逗豆豆你又是怎样免俗的？因为你比“青少年”们年长吗？我想你也不会否认这世上有在思想上非常成熟的小孩，也有在思想上非常像小孩的成人。
所以，我的第二点的意思就是，我认为一个人是否低俗没思想是完全取决于个人的。如果你对低俗的“娱乐化节目”感到津津有味，每分每秒都想看，每分每秒都不想做其它的事情，这完全是你个人的原因。没有人逼你。就算你看某低俗节目的原因是整个学校都在看某低俗节目，而如果你不看你会跟他人没话说，那还是你的问题。青少年不是婴儿，他们是有自主意识的。我认为是否看低俗节目，是否被那节目所影响是完全在一个人掌控之中的。总而言之，最重要的一点就是，一个人低俗没关系，但是说自己低俗是因为别人或者什么铺天盖地的低俗节目影响了你是很不负责任的。再来，只要勇于承认缺陷并加以改正。。。甚至不改正都没关系。。。我觉得只要是敢于面对自己的缺点，敢于说“这是我自身的问题”，不将问题推给他人的人都是值得欣赏的，但我没看见过几个会诚心说这些话的人。
---------------------------
逗逗豆豆，
“在娱乐化的节目影响下，我总觉得，青少年会变得不会思考，懒于思考，不能严肃，爱好粗浅。以娱乐为导向的电视和网络宣传，型塑建构一种思维方式和生 活习惯，就是追求刺激与快感，对深入思考与人类的终极问题不以为然，道德底线沦为比基尼，羞耻这个词最终会被清除出人类语言。 ”
不管是小孩，青少年，成年人，还是老年人--人都喜欢以高高在上的方式批评不是属于自己那一类的人。成年人喜欢说青少年怎样怎样。。老年人喜欢说成年人怎样怎样。。。思想上的成熟性是不分年龄的。你就像那些钟情于将人分为70后，80后，90后等的人一样愚蠢和肤浅。
----
@葱头鹰
您说的现象是存在的，
确实很多人喜欢批评不是属于自己那一类的人。但是否高高在上，不能一概而论。因为每一类人都有自己的立场和思维方式么，批评不同意见不同行为 者很正常很普遍。从批评别人中，我们获得的不仅仅是口舌的快感，还能强化在一个群体的身份认同感和归属感，强化作为一个个体的生存体验。而且，如果你站在 道德的制高点上对别人指手划脚，确实能获得高高在上的优越感。
至于我，你引用的话中，我无意于批评别的群体，只是陈述一种看法--青少年是民族的未来，在铺天盖地的娱乐化节目包围下，非常不利于他们的成长。
将人分为70后，80后，90后等说法和做法我也是很不舒服，以前我是很抵制这种说法的，因为我就是80年代生人，80年代的人千奇百怪，所以有人把我归在80后一类，让我很不舒服。但是日久，也就不想辩白了。
愚蠢和肤浅的确是我的缺点，但是我勤于思考，希望能有所改观。
---
逗逗豆豆，
谢谢你非常诚恳的回复。我还真是没想过从批评它人中一个人得到的不仅是自我满足感还有“身份认同感和归属感”。。。
我并不是反对批评。我也并不否定娱乐化节目在青少年身上的影响。也许是我的意见有些偏激，但第一，我觉得批评个人是合情合理的，批评一个“群体”则是件很不公平的事情，第二，将所谓的恶性”成长“完全归咎于外来因素也是不公平的。
你也是同意”人千奇百怪“的，所以如果就因为个别--甚至很多属于某”群体“的人--做一件事而就将那一整群的人（青少年，比如）给骂了，是完全不符合逻辑的事。所以我对于将人划分成70后80后等感到非常的不舒服。比如，你怎么就能确定“娱乐化节目”没有带给任何“青少年”一点好的影响？其次，你怎么就能确定青少年就是唯一的受害群？难道青年，成年，老年人里就没有因为娱乐化文化而变得低俗的吗？逗逗豆豆你又是怎样免俗的？因为你比“青少年”们年长吗？我想你也不会否认这世上有在思想上非常成熟的小孩，也有在思想上非常像小孩的成人。
所以，我的第二点的意思就是，我认为一个人是否低俗没思想是完全取决于个人的。如果你对低俗的“娱乐化节目”感到津津有味，每分每秒都想看，每分每秒都不想做其它的事情，这完全是你个人的原因。没有人逼你。就算你看某低俗节目的原因是整个学校都在看某低俗节目，而如果你不看你会跟他人没话说，那还是你的问题。青少年不是婴儿，他们是有自主意识的。我认为是否看低俗节目，是否被那节目所影响是完全在一个人掌控之中的。总而言之，最重要的一点就是，一个人低俗没关系，但是说自己低俗是因为别人或者什么铺天盖地的低俗节目影响了你是很不负责任的。再来，只要勇于承认缺陷并加以改正。。。甚至不改正都没关系。。。我觉得只要是敢于面对自己的缺点，敢于说“这是我自身的问题”，不将问题推给他人的人都是值得欣赏的，但我没看见过几个会诚心说这些话的人。
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Conforming to Jack's World
Here is a quote that I noticed because of Jack but stole from Hanah.
“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no --I want magenta!"” -John Mayer
If 韩寒 is the 64-color box then I would like to fancy myself as the 32-color one. Does it exist? And I will be adding new colors as time goes by and one day, hopefully, my box will match his 64 colors.
“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no --I want magenta!"” -John Mayer
If 韩寒 is the 64-color box then I would like to fancy myself as the 32-color one. Does it exist? And I will be adding new colors as time goes by and one day, hopefully, my box will match his 64 colors.
Enigma.
这是在豆瓣发的关于ENIGMA的随笔
---------------------------
我不得不承认，我自己对音乐的理解估计是非常肤浅的。我将这问题归咎于我对诗词的无知。除非你清楚的写你究竟是什么意思（像讲故事一样），我是绝对不会读/听出个所依然的（比如我就从来不知道飞儿乐队的歌的歌词究竟是什么意思）。所以我个人对音乐的欣赏和标准就是：只要哪首歌或者曲子的旋律/整体感觉能不但让我的耳朵舒服还能让我浮想联翩，哪首就是好样的。
第一次接触ENIGMA是在我爸的车里。在开远路时，他喜欢一遍又一遍地放着ENIGMA的音乐。在夜晚的山区里，这样的场景显得异常美丽：躺在黑暗的后车座上注视着窗外不断一闪而过的高耸大树，耳边则是一刻不停地被环ENIGMA空灵的音乐环绕着。
ENIGMA的音乐能把我带到另一个空间去。或是另一个世界。我喜欢把灯关了，门锁上，一人独自在夜晚躺在床上，放着ENIGMA的音乐。然后渐渐的，我可能会突然发现自己正站在黄昏下一片看不见边的金黄色大草原，独自享受着不知从哪吹来的温暖微风。我又有可能会游戏于深蓝的海底，安静地占有那个世界。
直到在第一次听到ENIGMA之后很久才看过他们的MV，结果惊讶地发现原制作者们的想法原来是和我完全不同的。比如GRAVITY OF LOVE的MV---有点颓废，有点阴暗，甚至有点变态--不过ENIGMA的音乐世界跟我的相同的一点是：它们都像一场神奇的梦。
---------------------------
我不得不承认，我自己对音乐的理解估计是非常肤浅的。我将这问题归咎于我对诗词的无知。除非你清楚的写你究竟是什么意思（像讲故事一样），我是绝对不会读/听出个所依然的（比如我就从来不知道飞儿乐队的歌的歌词究竟是什么意思）。所以我个人对音乐的欣赏和标准就是：只要哪首歌或者曲子的旋律/整体感觉能不但让我的耳朵舒服还能让我浮想联翩，哪首就是好样的。
第一次接触ENIGMA是在我爸的车里。在开远路时，他喜欢一遍又一遍地放着ENIGMA的音乐。在夜晚的山区里，这样的场景显得异常美丽：躺在黑暗的后车座上注视着窗外不断一闪而过的高耸大树，耳边则是一刻不停地被环ENIGMA空灵的音乐环绕着。
ENIGMA的音乐能把我带到另一个空间去。或是另一个世界。我喜欢把灯关了，门锁上，一人独自在夜晚躺在床上，放着ENIGMA的音乐。然后渐渐的，我可能会突然发现自己正站在黄昏下一片看不见边的金黄色大草原，独自享受着不知从哪吹来的温暖微风。我又有可能会游戏于深蓝的海底，安静地占有那个世界。
直到在第一次听到ENIGMA之后很久才看过他们的MV，结果惊讶地发现原制作者们的想法原来是和我完全不同的。比如GRAVITY OF LOVE的MV---有点颓废，有点阴暗，甚至有点变态--不过ENIGMA的音乐世界跟我的相同的一点是：它们都像一场神奇的梦。
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
College Essay
I should have posted it earlier but I kept forgetting until I read this amazing book today. So, anyway, here it is.
------------
Blogging and Writing
By Xinyi Lin
Although I can’t say for sure whether such a thing exists, I am not a “born writer.” I’ve always struggled with writing, even in my native language Chinese. For some reason, the clever metaphors and perfect adjectives just don’t flow onto the paper naturally. As a student and a writer, I have always been encouraged by the teachers to keep a “writer’s journal,” but it wasn’t until my junior year when I began to seriously consider having—well—a digital journal.
So I started blogging.
In fact, I’ve had several blogs in the past, though none remained active for more than a month. I was clueless. After a while, there was just nothing to blog about anymore. One day, (and this could sound ridiculous) I had an epiphany. While writing an entry for my blog, I noticed I was editing, deleting, and fretting over the contents that could present me negatively. Although I started blogging because I wanted to record my memories and beliefs, I ended up ironically censoring my ideas because I did not want my writing, and me, to be perceived as immature or naïve. All this time, I had tried to use my words to convince people that I was “perfect.”
At the end of eleventh grade I was assigned an essay on the topic of writing. I had to discuss what I learned or thought about writing in general at that point of life. My mind wandered to the names of Hemingway, Tim O’Brien, Raymond Carver, and all those writers who have simple and yet profound styles of writing. I realized that there is no need for me to be someone I’m not—a linguistic virtuoso full of poetic expressions and ornate vocabulary. But I do have to be myself, not a persona. I have to be sincere and honest—with myself and my words.
With this exhilarating realization, I started anew with blogging. I filled my blog with candid thoughts without filtering out ideas here and there. Some posts are whiny; some are childish. But it’s okay. I think they represent different phases of my journey to adulthood, and one thing about adulthood that I must learn is how to confront and deal directly with my intrinsic weaknesses and flaws. At times I should even appreciate these imperfections, because they are exactly what make each of us interesting and unique.
That’s what my blog is about: a direct confrontation with my inner self, and an open conversation with my own mind. I hope, by writing down my thoughts in words, I can develop a more comprehensive view of the world, formulate a more cohesive set of beliefs, and, most importantly, acquire a better understanding of my true self.
So in my junior year, I opened a blog of words, composing a chronicle of my mind. And in that same year, I learned to write with honesty and plainness, for that is who I am.
------------
Blogging and Writing
By Xinyi Lin
Although I can’t say for sure whether such a thing exists, I am not a “born writer.” I’ve always struggled with writing, even in my native language Chinese. For some reason, the clever metaphors and perfect adjectives just don’t flow onto the paper naturally. As a student and a writer, I have always been encouraged by the teachers to keep a “writer’s journal,” but it wasn’t until my junior year when I began to seriously consider having—well—a digital journal.
So I started blogging.
In fact, I’ve had several blogs in the past, though none remained active for more than a month. I was clueless. After a while, there was just nothing to blog about anymore. One day, (and this could sound ridiculous) I had an epiphany. While writing an entry for my blog, I noticed I was editing, deleting, and fretting over the contents that could present me negatively. Although I started blogging because I wanted to record my memories and beliefs, I ended up ironically censoring my ideas because I did not want my writing, and me, to be perceived as immature or naïve. All this time, I had tried to use my words to convince people that I was “perfect.”
At the end of eleventh grade I was assigned an essay on the topic of writing. I had to discuss what I learned or thought about writing in general at that point of life. My mind wandered to the names of Hemingway, Tim O’Brien, Raymond Carver, and all those writers who have simple and yet profound styles of writing. I realized that there is no need for me to be someone I’m not—a linguistic virtuoso full of poetic expressions and ornate vocabulary. But I do have to be myself, not a persona. I have to be sincere and honest—with myself and my words.
With this exhilarating realization, I started anew with blogging. I filled my blog with candid thoughts without filtering out ideas here and there. Some posts are whiny; some are childish. But it’s okay. I think they represent different phases of my journey to adulthood, and one thing about adulthood that I must learn is how to confront and deal directly with my intrinsic weaknesses and flaws. At times I should even appreciate these imperfections, because they are exactly what make each of us interesting and unique.
That’s what my blog is about: a direct confrontation with my inner self, and an open conversation with my own mind. I hope, by writing down my thoughts in words, I can develop a more comprehensive view of the world, formulate a more cohesive set of beliefs, and, most importantly, acquire a better understanding of my true self.
So in my junior year, I opened a blog of words, composing a chronicle of my mind. And in that same year, I learned to write with honesty and plainness, for that is who I am.
第二次启蒙
发在豆瓣上关于韩寒的《通稿2003》的随笔
-----------------------------------
去年，我的世界历史老师给我们的第一堂课便是关于John Taylor Gatto的散文 “Against School” 以及Mortimer J. Adler的 “Invitation to the Pain of Learning.” 我们用了至少两个星期的时间讨论public schooling和education的区别，以及如今的教育是如何的 “frothy and vapid”。当时我写的关于这个问题的文章是支持schooling的，但是我已经不记得我写得究竟是什么了。我只知道在上了一年这位老师的课之后，我的想法已经大大的改变了。我是会继续上学的，因为我期望我能在大学里遇见更多像我历史老师这样的人。但是我也认为学习与上学是不能轻易划上等号的。
在《通稿2003》的序言里韩寒写道：
“中国人首先就没有彻底明白，学习和上学，教育和教材完全是两个概念。学习未必要在学校里学，而在学校里往往不是学习。”
在序言里便读到这一番话时我即刻明白了--我遇见知音了。
今天下午，我用本应该复习生物和数学的时间读完了韩寒的《通稿2003》。这不是一本文字优美的书。它不会让你感到心旷神怡。韩寒在这本书里写作的方式与他在博客上的基本没什么两样。但是他语言犀利，时不时地还会使我轰然大笑，并且字字说到当今这些其实庸俗不堪却装作“诲人不倦”的“教育者”的痛处。有人说到韩寒叛逆乖张什么的，但是读完书后我最佩服的就是他显然是个非常理智的人。他的想法完全没有我想象中的不偏激，他也不会因为什么小事就一棍子把一船人打翻。相反，不像某些就算不读对方作品也能滔滔不绝批评那作品的人，韩寒的批评都是有根有据。总的来说，韩寒写的真实。我在我报考大学的Personal Statement里这样写到：
At the end of eleventh grade I was assigned an essay on the topic of writing. I had to discuss what I learned or thought about writing in general at that point of life. My mind wandered to the names of Hemingway, Tim O’Brien, Raymond Carver, and all those writers who have simple and yet profound styles of writing. I realized that there is no need for me to be someone I’m not—a linguistic virtuoso full of poetic expressions and ornate vocabulary. But I do have to be myself, not a persona. I have to be sincere and honest—with myself and my words.
在韩寒的文字里到处都能找到honesty和plainness（也许后者少一点，因为只有像我这样无才之人才会把“没有文采”美化成“write with plainness”；韩寒却是个非常有才的人）。
但其实，我并不完全赞成韩寒的想法。其实我也没有权利说赞同还是不赞同。只在中国上到小学六年级的我除了对国内初中与高中的残酷略有所闻之外，我是一无所知。我相信韩寒也只到，他批评的只是一个普遍现象。例外总是存在的。如果所有的老师与学校都是一成不变的话那就太可怕了。比如，在湖南台的8090节目里（我也是通过搜索关于嘉宾陈胜的资料时知道韩寒的，总觉得相识太晚），田卉群教授就说到她如何在高中是遇见了一位好老师，让她知道了她虚有的自大和真实的渺小。这在一次让我认识到了老师的重要性。我不知道韩寒是否曾经遇见过一个像我历史老师，像田卉群教授，或是像田卉群教授的老师一般的老师。我估计是没有，要不他/她一定会在《通稿2003》里提到的。但是只要一个好老师，便能完全颠覆一个人的人生观。如果当初我没有上过那堂关于schooling and education的课，我也许会完全同意韩寒，但是如今的我对在校园里教育还是存有些许希望的。
还有一点就是，因为我是在美国念的书，虽然可以理解，但是无法感同身受韩寒所说的“重要与不重要。”要是韩寒是在美国念书，像他这样的运动健将，文字高手，设计达人，加上悟性高，外行还过得去的人会是非常令人崇拜的。在这里，只要你学业过得去（有点谦虚了但是确实是不能跟中国的紧张程度比），你只要有一两项特别特别出众的特长的话，无数的好大学都会争着要你，而你则会是被众人嫉妒的对象。至少我很嫉妒韩寒的全能。
如果我一直都是在中国受着儒家文化的熏陶的话，我可能会觉得韩寒有点飞扬跋扈，因为他在书中多次公然的肯定自己。但是现在的我真的很羡慕这些有自信—也有本钱去自信的人。韩寒清楚地知道自己是优秀的。自我肯定是理所当然。受不了他这一点而拐弯抹脚地去找茬的人自身绝对是有问题的。
-----------------------------------
去年，我的世界历史老师给我们的第一堂课便是关于John Taylor Gatto的散文 “Against School” 以及Mortimer J. Adler的 “Invitation to the Pain of Learning.” 我们用了至少两个星期的时间讨论public schooling和education的区别，以及如今的教育是如何的 “frothy and vapid”。当时我写的关于这个问题的文章是支持schooling的，但是我已经不记得我写得究竟是什么了。我只知道在上了一年这位老师的课之后，我的想法已经大大的改变了。我是会继续上学的，因为我期望我能在大学里遇见更多像我历史老师这样的人。但是我也认为学习与上学是不能轻易划上等号的。
在《通稿2003》的序言里韩寒写道：
“中国人首先就没有彻底明白，学习和上学，教育和教材完全是两个概念。学习未必要在学校里学，而在学校里往往不是学习。”
在序言里便读到这一番话时我即刻明白了--我遇见知音了。
今天下午，我用本应该复习生物和数学的时间读完了韩寒的《通稿2003》。这不是一本文字优美的书。它不会让你感到心旷神怡。韩寒在这本书里写作的方式与他在博客上的基本没什么两样。但是他语言犀利，时不时地还会使我轰然大笑，并且字字说到当今这些其实庸俗不堪却装作“诲人不倦”的“教育者”的痛处。有人说到韩寒叛逆乖张什么的，但是读完书后我最佩服的就是他显然是个非常理智的人。他的想法完全没有我想象中的不偏激，他也不会因为什么小事就一棍子把一船人打翻。相反，不像某些就算不读对方作品也能滔滔不绝批评那作品的人，韩寒的批评都是有根有据。总的来说，韩寒写的真实。我在我报考大学的Personal Statement里这样写到：
At the end of eleventh grade I was assigned an essay on the topic of writing. I had to discuss what I learned or thought about writing in general at that point of life. My mind wandered to the names of Hemingway, Tim O’Brien, Raymond Carver, and all those writers who have simple and yet profound styles of writing. I realized that there is no need for me to be someone I’m not—a linguistic virtuoso full of poetic expressions and ornate vocabulary. But I do have to be myself, not a persona. I have to be sincere and honest—with myself and my words.
在韩寒的文字里到处都能找到honesty和plainness（也许后者少一点，因为只有像我这样无才之人才会把“没有文采”美化成“write with plainness”；韩寒却是个非常有才的人）。
但其实，我并不完全赞成韩寒的想法。其实我也没有权利说赞同还是不赞同。只在中国上到小学六年级的我除了对国内初中与高中的残酷略有所闻之外，我是一无所知。我相信韩寒也只到，他批评的只是一个普遍现象。例外总是存在的。如果所有的老师与学校都是一成不变的话那就太可怕了。比如，在湖南台的8090节目里（我也是通过搜索关于嘉宾陈胜的资料时知道韩寒的，总觉得相识太晚），田卉群教授就说到她如何在高中是遇见了一位好老师，让她知道了她虚有的自大和真实的渺小。这在一次让我认识到了老师的重要性。我不知道韩寒是否曾经遇见过一个像我历史老师，像田卉群教授，或是像田卉群教授的老师一般的老师。我估计是没有，要不他/她一定会在《通稿2003》里提到的。但是只要一个好老师，便能完全颠覆一个人的人生观。如果当初我没有上过那堂关于schooling and education的课，我也许会完全同意韩寒，但是如今的我对在校园里教育还是存有些许希望的。
还有一点就是，因为我是在美国念的书，虽然可以理解，但是无法感同身受韩寒所说的“重要与不重要。”要是韩寒是在美国念书，像他这样的运动健将，文字高手，设计达人，加上悟性高，外行还过得去的人会是非常令人崇拜的。在这里，只要你学业过得去（有点谦虚了但是确实是不能跟中国的紧张程度比），你只要有一两项特别特别出众的特长的话，无数的好大学都会争着要你，而你则会是被众人嫉妒的对象。至少我很嫉妒韩寒的全能。
如果我一直都是在中国受着儒家文化的熏陶的话，我可能会觉得韩寒有点飞扬跋扈，因为他在书中多次公然的肯定自己。但是现在的我真的很羡慕这些有自信—也有本钱去自信的人。韩寒清楚地知道自己是优秀的。自我肯定是理所当然。受不了他这一点而拐弯抹脚地去找茬的人自身绝对是有问题的。
8090的田教授
我自己也没有想到会喜欢上看像芒果台的8090这样的情感类节目。我以前总觉得这类节目说教氛为很重，但是看了一两期曹颖主持的《真情》之后，变得万分佩服她的口才。当两方剧烈争吵时，她能说出对两方都相当理解的话。。。却又不会冒犯任何一方。我真喜欢我也有这样的口才，这样讨人喜欢的性格。所以我就继续看了她的新节目8090，发现这节目虽然偶尔也会让我感到反感。。。但大多时候我认为那什么8899观察团，甚至妈妈观察团的人说的话都是很客观的。最近一期关于陈胜，一个年轻有为前途无量的17岁作家。陈胜对国内教育制度非常反感，初中高中时就不断出现问题，然后他就决定不上大学，独自开始自己的生活。我一开始也没有什么想法。这是个很复杂的问题。个性不是错，就像DICKINSON的那首诗一样，Much madness is divinest sense。我们不能因为某人个性突出就将他拒绝于社会之外。然后听了北京师范大学的田卉群教授的一番话之后，真是恍然大悟。希望有一天我也能成为像她一样聪明才智，言语犀利的女性。
“反叛是青春最美丽的姿态，但是你要用你的后半生去买单。你有可能买得起，你有可能买不起。而母亲就是那个希望你买的起的人。我希望你学学贾宝玉，贾宝玉真是把个世界看透了，对不对？落了一片白茫茫，大地真干净。但他最后的选择是什么呢？他看透所有这一切，看不起科举制度，看不起这些仕途的一切，但是他考试，还结婚，还生子。就是我把我对于父母对于社会该做的一切事我都做了，而且我做得不比任何一个人差。但是我有兰桂齐芳，我金榜题名，我飘然而去。因为我知道这一切不是因为我得不到而放弃它，也不是说我顽固的追求这一切。我是有能力得到，我有能力看透，最后我放弃它。但是你不能对一个你没有得到的东西去反叛。不是因为你说的没道理，而是因为你没有进入它，没有了解他，引起你做的判断对于我没有说服力。你不能像那个电影，去做无因的反叛，你要做明白透彻有因的反叛。这就是我的建议。”
-- 田卉群教授
“反叛是青春最美丽的姿态，但是你要用你的后半生去买单。你有可能买得起，你有可能买不起。而母亲就是那个希望你买的起的人。我希望你学学贾宝玉，贾宝玉真是把个世界看透了，对不对？落了一片白茫茫，大地真干净。但他最后的选择是什么呢？他看透所有这一切，看不起科举制度，看不起这些仕途的一切，但是他考试，还结婚，还生子。就是我把我对于父母对于社会该做的一切事我都做了，而且我做得不比任何一个人差。但是我有兰桂齐芳，我金榜题名，我飘然而去。因为我知道这一切不是因为我得不到而放弃它，也不是说我顽固的追求这一切。我是有能力得到，我有能力看透，最后我放弃它。但是你不能对一个你没有得到的东西去反叛。不是因为你说的没道理，而是因为你没有进入它，没有了解他，引起你做的判断对于我没有说服力。你不能像那个电影，去做无因的反叛，你要做明白透彻有因的反叛。这就是我的建议。”
-- 田卉群教授
Monday, January 4, 2010
Saw some hurtful words that I do not wish to remember again but feel compelled to write something about it....
By chance I read one of my previous posts about "a letter to mom"...at first I couldn't recall why I was writing one to my mom...because she's usually a much more reasonable person to my dad...my complaints are almost always about my dad. And as I read that "letter" (of course never sent to my mom), I remembered that it was because during a fight that day, she called me so many things including a psycho...and my dad was like "you should really consult a psychiatric doctor" when he's the most psychotic, unreasonable person I've ever met. I still remember how much those words hurt especially because that was not the first time they say it. And it's not uncommon that when someone repeats something so many times you begin to accept whatever they say as the truth. I don't exactly feel this way now but I remember there was a period during which I truly felt really bad about myself and was convinced that I'm a psycho who is constantly suspecting the worse of everyone around me. Now I had learn to be stronger and be less influenced by what OTHERS think of me. I know who I am and what my values are--I may be flawed, just like everyone else, but I am not mentally ill. But I still hold on firmly to the belief that my dad is extremely immature and knows nothing about how to treat his family members with reason and respect. I don't expect kindness. I just don't want random insults and scolding at every little thing I do. He demands too much of others and too little of himself. No one is perfect and he should know that--so when we complain about something reasonable (this is kind of related to the last post I wrote) he should openly assess the validity of our complaints and change as necessary...but he never does. How can I look up to him as a role model? Neither of my dads are role models. And I think I've said this before. They are models though--who-not-to-marry models.
Stupid Mistakes.
I think most people (myself included) think way too highly of themselves. And what I mean by highly is that they think they are someone who are more capable than they really are. This is evident in the overwhelming number of students planning to follow the pre-med path and become a doctor--students ranging from people who can't even manage pre-calc in their senior year to ones who are so talented or whatever that they really should be in grad school right now as a high school student (like the Siemens Science Competition Grand Prize winner a couple of years ago, she's just amazing.)
Ok, allow me to digress. Doctor is an very important job. A tiny mistake could take away someone's life. This is about one's life and death, and I think only the most talented person--not necessarily a super genius but someone who is the most fitting for this job: (for surgeons esp.) have deft hands and fingers, fast-thinking, capable of working under extreme pressure (of course, for those who just want to be a dermatologist or whatever most stress-free profession these do not apply =.=), and brain capable of storing A LOT of information and continue to process and integrate new information as technology and science advances. Looking from all of above, doctor is obviously not a job that anyone can just do. And I'm sure most people agree with that too--but they themselves are always the exceptions. Not anyone can be a docotr, but they can.
And besides, what's this obsession with doctor anyway? Medicine is not the only way to save people's lives. And I believe at this point international relations, domestic concerns, climatic concerns are more urgent things that are definitely taking away and harming people's lives faster than anything. But of course, "most" people won't consider to become a civic worker or whatever scientist because it's hard to have a specific goal when you don't even know what options are available...a diplomat? a office worker who works at certain government agency? a consultant? well...these are just not as easy to think about as one general title--doctor--and they don't sound as cool either...of course...the money is the least that people are concern with but still...these "miscellaneous" jobs do not earn as much money and do not have as much reputation as being doctor.
(And since this is a blog of my honest conversation with myself, I have to admit that all my bitching above could just be my perverted competitive instincts--that just because I had given up on the pre-med track, realizing that this might be too arduous for me, I don't want to see anyone that think they have the capability to go through it. Ugh..this really sounds disgusting...I'm such a horrible person...but oh well, I believe at least 50% of my bitching is genuine concerns and not motivated by selfish private interest.)
Ok...let's go back to the main road...(no, not referring to the road to learning here.) So why is this post titled stupid mistakes? Just like I said in the beginning, I think most people...especially those who are even slightly competitive (those who see that they are faring better than the "average" American students)...think that they are someone better, more capable than who they really are. Record every time you get a math or science test back--there are almost always constant moanings along the lines of "OMG, I made SO many STUPID mistakes!! I could have gotten an XX!" I never did it--but every time I hear this type of talking, I get a strong urge to tell them "No, you DID NOT make a STUPID mistake. You made a MISTAKE. And it's not the mistake that's stupid. YOU are STUPID." So basically, when these over-confident people (but usually this won't be conspicuous at all...it's a very subtle mental message) are actually forced to face their own failure--the proof that they are not as great as they think they are, they make up these kinds of retarded excuses like "I made so many stupid mistakes" and to lesson the fault of own stupidity and make themselves feel better. Seriously? Is that necessary? Just admit that you made a mistake--not a stupid mistake, smart mistake or whatever, just a MISTAKE because you're stupid--and study harder and try to take off this stupid label the next time. But of course, we're such coddled children that we can't face our own failures (like my brother, so pathetic, he just stops playing at all when he sees that he's losing) and admit it with straightforward honesty.
To sum this up...my advice for the kinds of people that I addressed in this post..those who would never read this post...is: Get real, and grow up.
Ok, allow me to digress. Doctor is an very important job. A tiny mistake could take away someone's life. This is about one's life and death, and I think only the most talented person--not necessarily a super genius but someone who is the most fitting for this job: (for surgeons esp.) have deft hands and fingers, fast-thinking, capable of working under extreme pressure (of course, for those who just want to be a dermatologist or whatever most stress-free profession these do not apply =.=), and brain capable of storing A LOT of information and continue to process and integrate new information as technology and science advances. Looking from all of above, doctor is obviously not a job that anyone can just do. And I'm sure most people agree with that too--but they themselves are always the exceptions. Not anyone can be a docotr, but they can.
And besides, what's this obsession with doctor anyway? Medicine is not the only way to save people's lives. And I believe at this point international relations, domestic concerns, climatic concerns are more urgent things that are definitely taking away and harming people's lives faster than anything. But of course, "most" people won't consider to become a civic worker or whatever scientist because it's hard to have a specific goal when you don't even know what options are available...a diplomat? a office worker who works at certain government agency? a consultant? well...these are just not as easy to think about as one general title--doctor--and they don't sound as cool either...of course...the money is the least that people are concern with but still...these "miscellaneous" jobs do not earn as much money and do not have as much reputation as being doctor.
(And since this is a blog of my honest conversation with myself, I have to admit that all my bitching above could just be my perverted competitive instincts--that just because I had given up on the pre-med track, realizing that this might be too arduous for me, I don't want to see anyone that think they have the capability to go through it. Ugh..this really sounds disgusting...I'm such a horrible person...but oh well, I believe at least 50% of my bitching is genuine concerns and not motivated by selfish private interest.)
Ok...let's go back to the main road...(no, not referring to the road to learning here.) So why is this post titled stupid mistakes? Just like I said in the beginning, I think most people...especially those who are even slightly competitive (those who see that they are faring better than the "average" American students)...think that they are someone better, more capable than who they really are. Record every time you get a math or science test back--there are almost always constant moanings along the lines of "OMG, I made SO many STUPID mistakes!! I could have gotten an XX!" I never did it--but every time I hear this type of talking, I get a strong urge to tell them "No, you DID NOT make a STUPID mistake. You made a MISTAKE. And it's not the mistake that's stupid. YOU are STUPID." So basically, when these over-confident people (but usually this won't be conspicuous at all...it's a very subtle mental message) are actually forced to face their own failure--the proof that they are not as great as they think they are, they make up these kinds of retarded excuses like "I made so many stupid mistakes" and to lesson the fault of own stupidity and make themselves feel better. Seriously? Is that necessary? Just admit that you made a mistake--not a stupid mistake, smart mistake or whatever, just a MISTAKE because you're stupid--and study harder and try to take off this stupid label the next time. But of course, we're such coddled children that we can't face our own failures (like my brother, so pathetic, he just stops playing at all when he sees that he's losing) and admit it with straightforward honesty.
To sum this up...my advice for the kinds of people that I addressed in this post..those who would never read this post...is: Get real, and grow up.
Friday, January 1, 2010
给一龙的新年祝福
写给一龙的新年祝福。。。是一些我很久很久以来都想说的话。
--------------------------------------------------
一龙~！就把这个当作新年贺卡里的东西吧。。。我一般写的都是平时说不出来的话，还有平时说不出的感谢之类的：
真的很庆幸认识你！最初是上初中的时候。。。当时被牛肉抓到WAAU的群时觉得自己实在太小，怕你们不会理我，不把我当回事。不过立刻就发现你们是一群非常热情，有意思的人。你更是一直以来不厌其烦地听小你九岁的我唠叨生活中的琐碎事，疏导我。我为你做的远远没有你对我的帮助多。我也一直为此苦恼。我希望我也能想一个正常朋友一样帮助你解忧，但是我明白你就好像是领先甚多的马拉松运动员一样，你踏过的路我只踏过一部分，我踏过的你却都踏过了。我无法理解你在现在进行时的生活，因为我对这生活毫不了解。我们的共同点只有动漫日剧加上我们都踏过的这段路，所以一直以来我都是在讲我自己的事。。。在寻求对自己的帮助。我觉得友情本质上是个互利互惠的联系，所以我的担心是我没有任何的付出。一直都是你帮助我，我却是一无是处。这个互利互惠的理论估计是错误的吧；我不知道像这样一边倒的联系是怎么维持近六年的。无论如何，我很高兴我们是朋友，希望永远如此！XD
新年快乐！！！！
鹰
--------------------------------------------------
一龙~！就把这个当作新年贺卡里的东西吧。。。我一般写的都是平时说不出来的话，还有平时说不出的感谢之类的：
真的很庆幸认识你！最初是上初中的时候。。。当时被牛肉抓到WAAU的群时觉得自己实在太小，怕你们不会理我，不把我当回事。不过立刻就发现你们是一群非常热情，有意思的人。你更是一直以来不厌其烦地听小你九岁的我唠叨生活中的琐碎事，疏导我。我为你做的远远没有你对我的帮助多。我也一直为此苦恼。我希望我也能想一个正常朋友一样帮助你解忧，但是我明白你就好像是领先甚多的马拉松运动员一样，你踏过的路我只踏过一部分，我踏过的你却都踏过了。我无法理解你在现在进行时的生活，因为我对这生活毫不了解。我们的共同点只有动漫日剧加上我们都踏过的这段路，所以一直以来我都是在讲我自己的事。。。在寻求对自己的帮助。我觉得友情本质上是个互利互惠的联系，所以我的担心是我没有任何的付出。一直都是你帮助我，我却是一无是处。这个互利互惠的理论估计是错误的吧；我不知道像这样一边倒的联系是怎么维持近六年的。无论如何，我很高兴我们是朋友，希望永远如此！XD
新年快乐！！！！
鹰
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)