She doesn't understand.

I had a fight with my mom this afternoon. It started by me. A while ago my mom was describing to my Grandma what Barnard is. All the affiliation, sister school of columbia and stuff were probably too difficult for my Grandma to understand so she simplied it down to "the school Xinyi is going is basically like Beijing University," which is more like the Harvard or Princeton in China. I told my mom that she has always had a tendency to exaggerate like in this case and it's good that she was trying to simplify matters for my Grandma but it doesn't mean that she can just make up things like that. I don't want my Grandma going around and telling people that I got into a school that's just like the Beijing University in China, because it's really not like that University even remotely. I love Barnard. I don't like Columbia. I do like the benefits resulted from this relationship but I never wanted the name of my college to have anything to do with Columbia. Due to the special relationship between Barnard and Columbia, some people have problem with Barnard girls simply claiming them as from "Columbia," which I agree, albeit true to a certain extent, is a wrong thing to say. I am fully aware of the fact that Barnard is much less selective (but this does not mean that it admits dumber people) than Columbia or anything like the Beijing University and the many many other differences that exist between these two schools and so I really don't want to get involved with the whole claiming oneself as from Columbia thing especially when I don't even like Columbia College. But my mom just can't stop doing things like that. I would rather spend strenuous effort on explaining to people what Barnard is than merely saying
"it's basically Columbia," let alone Beijing University--because it's not.

My mom brought up a couple arguments: 1) Beijing University's ranking is actually pretty low; 2) Why am I so obsessed about things that are said to a family member when, she hints, I often say inappropriate things to people outside of our family?; 3) I get mad when she criticizes me and still am not satisfied when she tries to elevate me or “say good things” about me to other people? What do I want exactly?

My responses…that she would never even give a chance…are 1) Yes, Beijing University is ranked pretty low—in the world, relatively speaking. But it is one of the two most competitive college in China, so no, Barnard isn’t comparable to Beijing University and if Beijing University’s rank is considered low, then Barnard’s is probably down in the abyss. 2) Again, I don’t think just because the people you talk to are family members you can just say whatever you want. Plus, they are very likely to spread whatever information that is gotten from my mom to their relatives and such. If everyone thinks that I got into Columbia College, an equivalent of Beijing University, then they are dead wrong. I’m proud of Barnard and everything about it and I don’t want people to think that I’m going to Columbia. It’s not the same thing. Moreover, my mom basically accuses me of inappropriate telling other people private family matters without specifying. I asked what is she talking about and she replied angrily “seriously why do you always need people to explain to you everything? You need to know from listening carefully.” Well the only reason that I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about is that I really don’t. Whatever came out of my mouth I make sure it’s appropriate. If I don’t think something is proper to tell other people I wouldn’t. Sure I may complain to people about the many things that I don’t like about my mom, my dad, or my family or their views, but I can’t recall my telling people a family taboo or something…especially when there is none. 3) If I argue back when she criticizes me it is not because I want her praise but because I don’t agree with her assessment of me. For example, she often calls me psychotic, which I obviously disagree and would argue back fiercely. If she criticizes me with good reasoning, which she often does, I never talk back. I told her, I just want you to tell things truthfully, not exaggerated or negatively biased. So of course I get upset when she distorts and exaggerates things although her intention is to praise me. She just doesn’t understand. And I really don't know what is there to not understand.