Saw some hurtful words that I do not wish to remember again but feel compelled to write something about it....

By chance I read one of my previous posts about "a letter to mom"...at first I couldn't recall why I was writing one to my mom...because she's usually a much more reasonable person to my dad...my complaints are almost always about my dad. And as I read that "letter" (of course never sent to my mom), I remembered that it was because during a fight that day, she called me so many things including a psycho...and my dad was like "you should really consult a psychiatric doctor" when he's the most psychotic, unreasonable person I've ever met. I still remember how much those words hurt especially because that was not the first time they say it. And it's not uncommon that when someone repeats something so many times you begin to accept whatever they say as the truth. I don't exactly feel this way now but I remember there was a period during which I truly felt really bad about myself and was convinced that I'm a psycho who is constantly suspecting the worse of everyone around me. Now I had learn to be stronger and be less influenced by what OTHERS think of me. I know who I am and what my values are--I may be flawed, just like everyone else, but I am not mentally ill. But I still hold on firmly to the belief that my dad is extremely immature and knows nothing about how to treat his family members with reason and respect. I don't expect kindness. I just don't want random insults and scolding at every little thing I do. He demands too much of others and too little of himself. No one is perfect and he should know that--so when we complain about something reasonable (this is kind of related to the last post I wrote) he should openly assess the validity of our complaints and change as necessary...but he never does. How can I look up to him as a role model? Neither of my dads are role models. And I think I've said this before. They are models though--who-not-to-marry models.