Mutual Understanding

China Executes Briton Despite Appeals
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/30/world/asia/30china.html?ref=asia
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It's interesting how people all of a sudden start showing clemency to drug dealers when it's about China. Ok, MAYBE a mentally ill drug dealer. Buh who knows? The news implies that neither side has provided solid proof to the suspect's mental state (but the suspect did claim that he and his family have no history of mental illness--ok, this might be all crazy talk, but again, WHO KNOWS?). All the British side said was that the family members claimed him to have a history of mental illness. But ESPECIALLY because this is an international crime, Britain really have to provide more than mere "family members'" talking--otherwise of COURSE the suspect's own words are more believable. And no one is obliged to believe words of professional issue from the mouths of likely biased nonprofessionals.

“The U.K. is completely opposed to the use of the death penalty in all circumstances,” Mr. Miliband said in a statement. “However I also deeply regret the fact that our specific concerns about the individual in this case were not taken into consideration, despite repeated calls by the prime minister, ministerial colleagues and me.”

This quote makes me absolutely angry. First of all, this is another typical example where the self-righteous "democratic" Big Name trying to impose its own values onto another culture. These big names think that they are the only ones on earth who know and exercise human rights the best--and all other "heresies" must change and follow them. In some articles it even said that Britain called for elimination of death penalty in China. But the thing is, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! First, China is certainly not the only country that uses death penalty, so does USA. Second, this is obviously an attempt to digress from the main road (is the drug dealer guilty and deserving of punishment) to an irrelevant attack on China. This is a political digression aimed to demonize China subtly. And then the same person says: "I also deeply regret the fact that our specific concerns about the individual in this case were not taken into consideration." WHAT?! To me, Mr. Miliband is implying that his way is the only MORAL way. If you don't follow his way, it's deeply disappointing to human conscience. Really? That sure sounds like some, again, self-righteous commander/leader/demagogue from movies and TVs who think that they are the ones that know what's the best for YOU. Their way is the best way for YOUR survival. ...yes...I am surprised too that these people are actually real.

I think when Britain tries to demand consideration and understanding from China, they should also try to understand others. Ultimately, these are two very different cultures. Like what happened in Avatar, horrible things happen when the strong (although Britain is not necessarily THE Strong anymore) tries to exploit the weak without any real understanding of the weak's culture beyond numbers and data. Yes, China has a very harsh regulation on drug trafficking. China also has a humiliating history of being exploited by European's (yes, BRITAIN) opium trade. Back then China was too weak to defend itself. And European criminals in China are rarely punished. Imperialists and colonists did whatever they want. Certain areas designated for foreigners are exclusively for them, with signs that say "No Chinese and Dogs Allowed" on the very land owned by Chinese. Perhaps we were once the sick men of Asia. But that's not the case anymore. There is no reason that any foreigner should be exempt from punishments for crimes. Things like diplomatic immunity is bullshit. And in this case, it's not just any crime--it's drug dealing. How DARE you come to other people's land trying to indirectly kill more Chinese people? Yes, I might be exaggerating but this is JUST like the Opium Trade. HOW DARE YOU do this again to China and demand clemency just because YOU SAY that the person is delusional and duped to carry to suitcase? Actually, most of the serious offenders of law are somewhat mentally ill.

NY Times is once again pissing me off by posting such biased article. It includes extensive quotes from self-righteous Britons but not one complete quote from Chinese authority (ex. about how Britain has no right to mess around with its own jurisdiction). Just like the Uighurs rebellion, this article is written based on the perception that China is at fault. That is ridiculous. BOTH sides are somewhat at fault. Chinese authority should have done some sort of psych test just to shut the Britain's mouth off. But how can an international but possibly mental drug dealer getting caught and punished in China (Thank God) be completely an immoral action done by the Chinese? Any logic here? Once someone decides to do something illegal in ANOTHER country, a responsible person would definitely prepare for whatever consequences his or her action would bring about. Again, things like diplomatic immunity (although not directly relevant to the current topic) is bullshit. You can't do something harmful and then expect to be exempt from the price that you have to pay just because you're from another country. In fact, you should be punished even more harshly if you're deliberately doing something harmful in another person's country. Knowing that your action is bad, and knowing the consequences that your actions would result in while still committing the action is purely taking advantage of the other country (and that's try to replace another country with your friend, neighbor, etc.)--THAT is IMMORAL.

I think the City on the Hill/manifest destiny needs to end SOMEWHERE. You can't impose your values on everyone else--and then call whoever doesn't follow your value (democracy) evil and THEN assume that whatever bad happen to whoever is whoever's fault and then try to demonize whoever whenever possible just because you don't like whoever.

And this is where mutual understanding comes in--people should go for the "middle way" and try to understand both sides' story. No one is ever absolutely right or absolutely moral--the person who is like that is god, but god does not exist. People should not be accustomed to thinking in that kind of patronizing, I-know-better-than-you attitude to anyone, to kids, teenagers, to followers, to the weak--the kind of attitude so common in adults and the ones who lead. There is value in everyone's opinion. And if other people's value isn't the same as yours--as long as it's not destructive (one may argue that killing a possibly mentally ill drug dealer who is possibly not a drug dealer is destructive--but I think that it's just justice doing its work to save more people from being "destructed" by drug) -- then people should try to live harmoniously alongside these different values. This is my utopia--a world of peace, harmony, and mutual understanding. I really don't think it's THAT hard to come about, but war and conflict still happen.

Two Kinds of Goodness, and the common people in between.

I don't know when this "theory" formed, but, at least at this stage of my life, I believe that there are two extreme kinds of Goodness, whereas most people are in between.

1) Stupid Good
Hold on--let's be more politically correct. How about, "Naive Good"? These people are characterized by sincere, above-the-top optimism and faith in humanity, or at least certain aspects of humanity, and a general above-the-top innocent view of the world around them. These people sometimes are not liked but the “normal people” not because these people are “nonconformists” (a term that could be manipulated to mean something positive) but because their views are so out of touch with reality and so “good” that their character becomes to appear “fake” and “pretentious.” Examples of people who are “stupid good” are: April and Kyu Chul.
Again, April is a “good” person; perhaps a VERY “good” one. But the problem is that she is not inspiring. The world around her is shaped by her “goodness” and even when she’s angry, she still does it in a “good” manner. There is no way to have a deep conversation with her because her thoughts stop at “badness”—she can’t see the “good” behind the “bad”—she can only grasp the superficial level, quite well, actually. I hate to use the kind of words Paul Kim once used to me: she is limited—she is at most a good mediocre person. The failure to go beyond what is normally perceived as “good” almost ensures that April is not going to be an inspiring friend or person. We know the normal “good”—the should’s and should-not’s. To be valued highly you need to go beyond that.
For Kyu—the most problem I have is his faith, of unknown source, in the ability of others. His praises come way too easily. I’m not saying that there are people who worth nothing. But Kyu certainly exaggerates people’s ability all the time. “Oh, He is VERY VERY good at XXX.” Really? No, not really. More often than not what he’s saying is very inaccurate. But he is just so optimistic and supportive all the time—even when the reality isn’t supportive of him.
Another thing not pertaining to “Goodness” is his mentality concerning people and their prospective colleges. It seems that he practically worships elite colleges (Ahem! Not gonna use the phrase Ivy League). He worships these schools to the extent that getting into them somehow makes you superior in everything all of a sudden. Ms. Columbia, Mr. Cornell—seriously? Is this even necessary? Sure, there is a reason that certain people get into elite colleges and certain don’t. But that doesn’t all of a sudden make them gods or goddesses.
Anyway…Kyu is not an inspiring person either. He may be very knowledgeable about the past, but he has never shown me anything completely original or thoughtful. I am awed by the little encyclopedia inside his brain, but I am certainly not inspired by anything he does or say.
2) Smart Good
This is the type of “Good” that I admire. I think the perfect example is Dr. Wilson from House M.D. Anyone who watches House knows what kind of good person Wilson is. House said that he is so kind that patients thank him for telling them that they are going to die. Wilson married three times simply because he wanted to make those miserable women happy—not because he liked them himself. This is stupid, but it’s not the kind of “stupid good” I talked about. Wilson is a VERY VERY kind-hearted person—BUT! He does not even nearly resemble April or Kyu Chul. Wilson is the paradigm of Smart Good. First of all, he is very intelligent and witty. He can carry on all these quick-witted conversations with House and occasionally spot the little tricks House pull on him here and there. He knows House, a weird and difficult person, extremely well, to the extent that he may sometimes manipulate House. But so can House manipulate him. Wilson is not an idealist. He is not naïve. For god’s sake, he’s forty-something. Wilson is kind because he truly thinks for others and act upon it—not because he believes in something like we all should be good people who never cheat, steal, or curse or that everyone on earth possesses some kind special ability that makes them superior. Wilson’s goodness doesn’t touch upon those subjects because Wilson knows that those are not true. Moreover, Wilson is flawed. He doesn’t pretend that he has no flaws. In fact, he can be pretty wild sometimes. (You gotta be special to be House’s friend) Wilson is bounded by traditional morals and customs but at the same time—he is not a believer of such morals and customs, unlike April. He knows that there are rules that you can break and there are the ones that you can’t. He doesn’t pretend to be perfect (most people do it subconsciously because they don’t want to be perceived by the “normal people” as “abnormal” or simply “rude”. He doesn’t pretend to be god. Wilson’s goodness originates purely from his own heart and he is able to maintain such goodness as well as a sober-minded, realistic view of the world and people around him. That is “Smart Good.”

Wait--But when is it ever timely?

When I first proposed the Grand Canyon trip to my mom, she agreed almost too easily.

"We practically have to pay nothing for your college; these couple of hundreds of dollars shouldn't be a problem."

And today, she suddenly questions me: "Why are you so hurried? Your life has just begun. You have more than enough time in the future to explore Grand Canyon. Why do you have to go now?!"

No, she is wrong. I don't have plenty of time in the future. It's not impossible that I simply drop dead tomorrow, get hit by a car, or fall on my head because of the slippery snow. And if that indeed happens, I will die without ever seeing what I considered the grandest natural beauty in the world. I've always dreamed to go to Grand Canyon--since forever--since the first time I saw it on photographs a long long long time ago. For plenty of people in the world, dreaming is all they can do. "I will go to xxx when I have time." "I will go to yyy after I graduate college." "I will do zzz once I get older."

NO. xxx, yyy, and zzz will never happen if all one can think of is "do" but "will do." These will-do's are for sure never going to happen. And these people are for sure going to die without ever doing the will-do's. I don't want that to happen. Now, my parents (or rather, just parent, because I haven't even told my dad yet) are supposedly not too harsh on money because they are exempt from the entire 50,000 dollars cost of college. I have the time right now. I'm done with college. And school can definitely withstand my taking a couple days of vacation during an actual break. Future? Who knows what's going to happen in college--would I really have time by then? I don't know what's going to happen. I might be too involved in the busy life of New Yorkers that I would have to push Grand Canyon year after year. And never get to see it. Again, if I had learned anything from the Japanese dramas that I watched a couple weeks ago--that is to embrace this present moment. Do it. Do what you want while you still can. Live the moment.

The following is a passage from Martin Luther King Jr.'s Letter from a Birmingham Jail...Although it's not exactly about the same thing that I was discussing...the big ideas are still similar..:

"We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse and buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience."

An Inspirational Quote from Jin, the drama

There's one quote in Jin that the producer intentionally emphasized:

God does not give you obstacles that cannot be overcome.

I don't believe in God. And I am not optimistic to the point that I believe nothing is impossible. I believe there ARE things that some people just cannot accomplish. But I tried to use doublethink to look at this quote from Jin. And it evokes some kind of special power in me. It doesn't matter that I don't believe in God. It doesn't matter that I knew there are difficulties that cannot be overcome. What matters is that these words give me HOPE at the MOMENT that I am in the obstacle. I think when you encounter something truly difficult, you need the kind of force that this quote gives to keep you moving. At that moment of hardship, I believe in God. And I believe in hope. Because I know that if I don't, I would have no hope, and what is waiting ahead of me will be 100% a dead-end. There is no point of life at dead-ends. Moving on--trying--is all we can do. So at the moment of difficulty, I choose to believe that "God does not give you obstacles that cannot be overcome."

Quotes: about GTO and 蜗居

Jackie has a Word document saved in her USB containing all her favorite quotes. I'm planning to do the same. I've read some very fine, thoughtful pieces of writing. There are things from these writings that I do not want to forget. That I want to "tener en cuenta" for the rest of life. So in addition to a Word file on my USB, I would like to keep them here, supposedly a blog about my thoughts...

……我最喜欢的一位老师说过，外表越辉煌的东西总隐藏着越多看不到的肮脏，就算GH楼那么大，它的阴影也很多，很黑。毕业的时候，班上一个同学说，感谢FD，我遇到许多导师，但他们导得对不对，我还不知道。我越来越不喜欢仰头看楼了，更愿意低下头看自己的路。越来越不在乎别人对自己的看法，因为开始懂得，对自己的期许很重要。
……
小时候，每个孩子都不想成为肮脏的大人。每一个肮脏的大人都是孩子变成的。沉沦的借口是永远可以找到的，更很容易理所应当的将它归诸别人，为了家人为了生存为了名誉……为什么不能为自己活得干净一些？每个人的干净成就干净的世界，只能是理想国？“有这么难吗？”我真想问一句，但这话，王家芝已经问过易先生。
　　孩子是最有是非观念的群体，眼里容不进一粒沙子。每一双眼睛最初来到世上时都水样清澈，尘世的污浊一点点看过，最后全都变得浑浊。我现在想起以前的老师，已能心生慈悲，因为惭惭理解的缘故，又或者，我的眼睛也已不复清澈。
　　大人者，有赤子之心。想说让我们一起做干净的大人吧，可实在很难，不忘初心清如水，庶几可矣。
- icancu，“大人者,不失其赤子之心”（GTO 剧评，豆瓣网）

I can't help but be touched by icancu's writing and thoughts. He spoke my mind. He expressed what I could not express eloquently in words. This quote is long but it's great. I even used some of the ideas in one of my self-discovery essay that I would post up here once I finish editing.


女孩要富养，性格才能高贵，这是一条硬道理，郭妈妈明白这个理。但她不明白，富养有时和钱没有多大关系，而是在于你是否给予你的女儿足够的关注。女孩在成长时是要比男孩精细很多的，如果你不能令她感到受宠，她很容易敏感自卑，潜伏下自轻自贱的性格。
- 魔法灰姑娘, “《蜗居》：如何将高贵、忠诚的价值理念给予下一代？”（豆瓣网）

I would like my dad to read and understand this, although I don't expect him to do so. Dads are supposed to be daughters' McDreamy, but unfortunately neither of my dads is my McDreamy. They are failures. And the faults of the one that I'm currently living with are just so glaring that I don't know what to say anymore. Dads are supposed to be models. My dads are models. What-not-to-be models.

So they say.

Today, Sue asked me why I applied early decision to Barnard and not Columbia or other schools. Many others have asked me the same question, and I never gave them a complete answer. To them, Barnard is an "inferior" school in one sense or another. And Sue said, Columbia students look down on Barnard students. Ok, this is not the first time I heard this. The last time was in College Confidential. And according to Sue and supposedly Beata's campus-visiting experience, "everyone" in Columbia "looks down" on Barnard. I don't know why. But "everyone" does. I mean, I understand that Barnard women on average are not as book-smart as the students from elite colleges. But that is not the reason one should be "looking down" on any college. Nothing is more elitist then this. And if anyone who attends a top university truly thinks that people are somehow less than he or she is just because they attend a college whose students' median SAT scores are not as high as theirs, then he or she truly does not deserve any respect at all. I mean, I'm all for the looking down of individuals. If someone speaks and behaves like a retard then for all means look down on him. But how can you make judgments about an entire student population of certain school based on merely numbers and what other people's subjective opinions.

Another question is, why did I apply to Barnard specifically instead of any other school. I've put considerable amount of time into this question. And I did not make my decision lightly. Ideally I would like to apply to a college with a good academic atmosphere (including programs offered, campus, surroundings, etc.); and the most important thing to me would be having interesting professors--perhaps like Arod. But how would I know where the professor(s) who would leave life-long impressions in me are? Plus, I assume that there should be memorable professors in all colleges, elite or not. Although I cannot accept the fact that Curtis is applying to schools not for himself but for another person, I have to agree with him that at this point, we rarely know which school's academic atmosphere is better than another other than information we solicit from rankings, numbers, stats--that I do not trust at all. To me, the Ivies and other elite colleges are the same to me. Who can really say which is "better"? It's obviously ridiculous to say that the entire University of Pennsylvannia is "better" than Columbia just because it's above Columbia on the ranking list provided by US News. We really don't know enough to determine which one is better. So the point is, the ideal method of determining which college is "better" (by looking at their academic program) is not going to work well. I don't want to go to a college only because of its location--something that we can decide if it's good for us--and financial aid package. I want to go somewhere because of something more. And that's why I resort to the idea/ideology of a college.

Frankly speaking, nothing about the Ivies or other elite colleges inspire me. Truly, nothing. I'm sure once I start attending these school I will find a lot of good things about them. But during the college searching process, I find nothing particularly attractive about any of these schools. They don't inspire me. They are no more than "good colleges." But Barnard is different. I like the fact that it stresses the value of women. The importance of being an independent and thinking woman. Choosing an all-women's college is not an easy decision. Our womenly instincts want men. We want boys and we want to flirt with them. But at the same time, we shouldn't forget that we are us. What's more important is the self-improvement of our selves and not whatever we gain from the depending on others. Going to Barnard is almost like making the statement that I understand this principle and I am there because I want to be a strong woman. I take pride in my identity and I want to be able to stand firmly in the real world as not just another person (in the ideal sexism-free world) but as who we truly are--women. I'm not saying that other women attending other schools do not have such willpower and sense of independence; I'm only saying that this independence and determination is the foundation of Barnard education. I'm assuming that all girls who chose Barnard have thought it through and have this idea in mind. This is their "core," their unique common value.

Still anxiously waiting for the decision to come...

Pre-Notification Darkness

This is a time when all kinds of thoughts flood my mind. Kind of like the Angelo y Diablo thing we did for Señora Metcalfe’s test this morning. The Angelo tells me that these thoughts are way too negative and filthy, and the Diablo tells me that there is nothing wrong with thinking this way--because what I think is true. I can't take it anymore. I need to throw them out. I need to be more positive, more tolerant. Otherwise, feel like I would be too unworthy for any college to accept me.

I told my mom that I am prepared mentally for my application to Barnard. Why am I expressing doubt? Because Barnard is definitely not a reach for me; it’s not my “dream” school—U Chicago and Georgetown are. I have to admit that it was probably somewhat of a mistake applying Barnard early; I should have just applied regular. But I am prepared. I’m not regretting it. I tried really hard to convince myself that this is not that bad. And I am convinced. I am prepared.

But this is not the problem. The problem is that I am having these dark and twisted thoughts originated from what Alejandro calls "competitive instinct." I realized that deep down part of me does not want dothers to get into my “dream schools” just because, in case I get into Barnard, I will not be able to do so myself. When I hear people getting into certain prestigious school, I feel bad; when I hear people getting rejected or deferred by certain prestigious school, I get this perverted feeling of joy. When I congratulated others, I was being a 100% hypocrite. I was not happy for them. I was secretly upset.

I am horrible. And I feel inferior. I feel Sick.

It's true that one's greatest enemy is oneself. There is a great battle going on right now.

Britney Spears - Still fierce!

Britney Spears is the first American artist that I know. When I was in elementary school, my dad has several Britney Spears's CDs. In the car if he doesn't play Enigma's songs he would play Britney Spears'. I absolutely fell in love with both of them: Enigma and Britney Spears. Ten years later, she is still the fierce and sexy singer that I know. I wish she would just keep on singing and singing and singing forever. She probably will. For some reason a couple of years ago when people ask me which singer do I love the most, and I answer Britney Spears, people would respond with "EWWW." I mean, I get it, she's a messed up mom. She does retarded things. She probably IS retarded. Who cares. Look at now, almost every single of hers is super popular. I mean what is important to a singer to is his/her songs right? Who cares about these celebrities' personal life. I gotta admit that I would be interested. But their personal lives shouldn't be a judgmental factor. As long as their songs are good who cares about whether they are good or bad. Britney Spears and others are celebrities--they are not supposed to be any kind of role model. If people actually look upon them as role models, then THESE PEOPLE are sad. Not the celebrities themselves.

Ok I digressed.

Yeah.

麻辣教师GTO进行中...

因为作业而不得不暂停看这部老剧....

不过我必须写一两句....

我很清楚GTO是曾经风靡一时的漫画/动画/日剧...就是一直不知道为什么。学生与教师的题材并不是我的最爱，我也没抱太大的希望来看这部剧，纯粹是为了我的日剧补完计划而看的。。。并且，这部片子的模式是很容易猜到的：个性老师逐一开导问题学生。让我惊讶的是，这么老的GTO竟然能使我在该笑的时候大声笑，该被感动时流泪。在那些很明显的煽情段落，我的泪水竟然不由自主的流了下来。回头想想，那些煽情感人的片段也没有什么特别的，为什么会感触到我呢？真是让人搞不懂啊。不过我算是明白了为什么GTO会如此红火。

Speechless.

Recently my dad is obsessed with this drama about Qin Shihuang or Shihuangdi, the ruthless first emperor of China. This morning I found him watching it again so I half-jokingly said: "wow you're addicted to this drama." Guess what my dad respond? He replied with confidence and disdain: "This is history! Do you understand? Do you even know who Qin Shihuang is? Hm! (did not even leave time for me to respond) You call yourself Chinese? Qin Shihuang is the first emperor of China...(blah blah blah blah)."

I stood speechless. Seriously? How can you get so much pride from learning something historical from a DRAMA? and plus, WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHO QIN SHIHUANG IS? Does he think that this is some kind of special and rare knowledge or something? And you know what, I actually learn about Qin Shihunag from real BOOKS, not these dramas that are known to exaggerate and make up things. Chinese historical dramas are not really known to be accurate and objective. Personally I would never hold too much belief in Chinese historical dramas. And here we have, a fourty five+ year old man, taking so much pride in this "knowledge" of history that he learns from a drama, trying to make fun of me by labeling me as ignorant of some basic Chinese history that even my American classmates would know. Seriously?

The only conclusion I have is that my dad truly has problems. I'm glad I did not refute him or anything because the further demonstration of his ignorance would only drive me insane.

浅海与结花

一开始并没想到结花就会这样死去，所以并没感到多少的悲伤。等漂流教室结束后，才恍然发觉--结花已经死了，浅海是在孤独的开拓新世界。突然间，我似乎也感觉到了浅海的悲痛，但却说不上是什么样的悲痛。就算有十几个学生结伴，浅海还是得与孤独为伴吧。就差那么一点点他们就能在一起了。真是难以描述的凄惨啊。

浅海，虽然你并不是一个真实的人物，我希望你能战胜孤独。我希望你能开心。

Drifting Classroom - Long Love Letters

First of all--I spent the past two days doing nothing but watching "Long Love Letters" (or "Drifting Classroom"). It's worth it though. I am so inspired by the messages of this story that I think my life has changed because of it.

1) Live the moment.
It's obvious that "live the moment" will be the central theme of the story the moment Asami writes this phrase down on the blackboard. Asami says that you can't change the past, and you can't change the future. But you can change the present. Don't let opportunity slide--if you like someone, say it. If something has to be done--do it. Live the moment. Embrace the moment. Love it. Appreciate it. In the end, Asami's life in the present is changed by his living the present; so is his future.

2) Human Nature
It's surprising and hard to accept that the adult teachers are the first ones to "crack under pressure". On the other hand, I'm not opposed to the idea that adults are sometimes more vulnerable than children because they tend to have a much more rigid standard of values and a much more limited imagination. Survival of the fittest in the barren future requires an extraordinary ability to adapt, which is something more likely possessed by children, whose minds are as innocent as blank pieces of paper.

Moreover, "Drifting Classroom" makes another really important point: cooperation is paramount. In the story, the people who only think about themselves (ex. robbing or stealing other people's food, refuse to contribute to group efforts that might make the situation better) did not do so well. With limited food (even if they rob those from others), they alone cannot survive because food is going to run out eventually. The other group of students, who worked together, came up with innovations, worked arduously, and took care of each other. This is especially important when resources are scarce.

The story suggested that the reason the future of the world is like this is that once resources became scarce (due to deforestation, pollution, etc.), various nations began fighting one another for food and energy, eventually leading to nuclear war and such.

Out of fear of death, there are always people who are going to harm others in order to procure food for his own survival. But the most effective, beneficial way for survival in the long run is undoubtedly cooperation. Human beings are group animals (whatever you call it). We thrive under a community. Although there are always going to be exceptions, such as one really tough person surviving alone for a very long time, it is not going to be the case when applied to everyone. Moreover, what makes us different from most animals is that we are driven by love and compassion. We live because we want to be with somebody or something that we care. Even when forced to live alone, we are kept alive by the wish that someday we will meet the people and things that we love again. The thing can be as abstract as hope: the hope that someday your life will get better. I can't imagine anyone living just for the sake for living.

Frankly speaking, under desperate situations, I probably would have considered harming other people for my own survival if I hadn't watched this show; but now I know that this is not only harmful to other people, but also harmful to me. Self-destruction among groups can only lead to total extinction. My utopia is a world where homo sapiens can overlook one another's religious, cultural, economical, or whatever differences, tolerate these differences, understand them, respect them--so that we can live together harmoniously.

Another thing is, in the end, Misaki wrote in her letter to the people living in the present that "you might feel it's good enough that you're living comfortably at this moment, even if the world is destined to turn into deserts in the future. But future is open: there are endless possibilities. Even in this world of nothingness, we're doing the impossibles. Even in this world, we still have hope."

She's saying that our actions do matter (however obvious this might sound). You never know what's going to happen, and what your actions will bring about.

3) Environment
The original author of the mango "Drifting Classroom" says that when we talk about the future, we tend to think of flying cars, laser rays, human-looking robots, and all kind of conveniences, but we cannot forget that these conveniences and any advance in technology come with sacrifices. The future is not guaranteed to be as bright as a lot of sci-fi novels pictured. It is not impossible that the future would turn out to be deserts. Endless deserts. It's nice to see people making an effort to conserve the environment nowadays, but this effort is much too minuscule at this moment. Plus, it's one thing knowing that we should conserve energy and protect the environment, and another to actually do it.

Sarah Moore.

I took this picture by accident. I was supposed to focus on Jonathan Portee but the auto-focus thing focused on Sarah instead. I thought she looked stunning, like a goddess. Curtis was picking on the makeup, the flatness of her face, blah blah blah. But I thought she looked very pretty. I would certainly be attracted if I were a guy.

he's and she's

Pogie Style:

- I should start talking to him. Four years--this has been so immature.
- I imagine myself meeting him accidentally ten years later; then we might begin talking like nothing has ever happened.
- She needs to stop stalking and thinking about and talking to him.
- He is a handsome jerk.
- He is just a jerk.
- His "Life is Wonderful" is so wonderful.
- I want him to be my son.
- I want him to be my husband.
- I want him to be my prom date.
- I feel so bad for writing this stupid thing and not doing INTEL for her.

To be continued...

So I hit the "submit" button.

8:16PM 11/15/09

Ten seconds ago I hit the submit button of my last part of application to Barnard. Before I did that, I announced it to my entire family plus Amy: "I'm going to hit the submit button!"--except no one cared. Oh well. This is a historic, personal moment.

So yeah.

《魔王》里领给诗织的最后一封信。

我从11年前的那天开始就一直孤独的生活着
信赖 羁绊 这些感情早已下定决心舍弃
甚至包括爱情和对他人的关怀也是一样
但我并没有做到
因为你总是注视着我
渐渐地感受到你温暖的关心
慢慢在融化我心里冰冷的刺
是你让我知道了
舍弃自己最重要的东西是多么的愚蠢
……

诗织 对不起
还有 谢谢你这段日子以来的陪伴。

A kinda horrifying scene from Grey's Anatomy long time ago...

A Prisoner on Death Row:

One Monday I slit this woman's throat.
I had been thinking about it for a while,
dreaming about it.
and one Monday, I just...
I had to do it.
I just...
really wanted to draw a knife across her neck.
And I-I thought it would be terrifying,
or..or sad or something, but it wasn't.
it was just...
kind of fun...
so i did two more on Tuesday,
another two on Wednesday
i was gonna go for three on Thursday
'cause I liked the alliteration,
But I got caught so I didn't

Could I get some Jell-o?
Or is that bad before surgery?

怀念北推。

在我还在小学里的时候，我曾是网易北京社区推理小说版的常客。我们叫它北推，BT。当我刚加入的时候北推正如日中天。不过有点像第二代。有一群“老”网友，像流星一类的，经常被BT的人提到但是我很少见他们发贴。这些是传说般的人物。然后我们这一“代”，对比同样是异常的熟悉。我们清楚彼此的写作风格，甚至彼此的个性。我们亲切的用网名称呼彼此，而不是楼主，楼上，等等。每个人都有自己的特点。我们有各自的网名写各自的推理小说。我们就像相识好多年的朋友一样一起探索推理的世界。在这个版里有许多爱情的开始（菊花和悠蓝），有许多爱情的结束（紫影和紫镜），也有一些最终修成正果（小草和杨）。 当时我还只不过是一个小学生，傻傻的什么也不懂。只是在一旁看着，观望着，为北推高兴着，悲伤着。我好崇拜这些我素不相识，却极有才华的人们。我好想念那段时间。好想好想。

在这里用杨的一个短文来总结：

杨威利为BT做过什么---整理BT历史——杨威利 [yuntaoo]


历史的长河总是会淹死许多人，但是他们留下的种种事迹却影响了一代又一代的BTers。
首先，让我们默哀三分钟，为了那些走了的BT们。


2002年年中。
2002-07-31 09:15:09。就是这个时候我加入了BT。在此之前的那拨人都是BT的创始人。可惜大多都骑鹤归西了。我加入的时候是7月的最后一天。是我们这拨人中最晚的一个。幸好搭上了末班车。可以这样说，我们这拨人中有许多都是后来BT的主力军。可惜现在活蹦乱跳的没几个了。这个时候也是BT原创最活跃的时段之一。最出名的就是茶茶的《荒岛之蛇》和旗子的《风吹百合》。后来我写的那个不入流的短篇就是仿照茶茶的文笔写的。也用到了日本战国时期的一些东西。
茶茶、菊花、悠蓝、沙蓝、深蓝、、流星、迷迭香、紫影、媚影、荆棘鸟、压抑的亡魂、枭影、旗帆、木须龙、bearbear（小熊）、蓝眸的恶魔、祁风、束缚与神秘主义、千湄、绛雪ぷ冰天、逆の鹰、天使情差、基督山伯爵、剑心追雪、布莉吉、紫镜☆幽影、杨威利....现在我尽我的记忆写出了以上这些人。当然还有一些我没有记住的，请原谅了。现在看到这些名字，不由的使我心中泛起对那个时候的向往。那个时候灌水的人很少很少，大家都埋头搞原创和死亡推理。

http://club.163.com/viewElite.m?catalogId=385274&eliteId=385274_100e22ec5c7000b

Barnard Interview: Boils

Why do women torture themselves just to look pretty?
Who even invented heels, waxing, and such?

The Barnard interview was so-so. It wasn't fantastic but I did the best I could. What I mainly got from this trip are four boils (two huge ones on the big toes). These are not fun. Goddamn the poorly designed heels. I CAN walk in heels. It's the SHOES' fault. 0o0

pogie style entry

as november rolls in...

1. Barnard interview tomrw!
2. I should be nervous about #1, but instead I'm excited.
3. Still should practice, though.
4. He said he liked my college essay even the first time.
5. Lost my wallet for the third time within three years.
6. License was gone with the wallet. Plus 20 dollars. Plus library cards and such.
7. Mom was getting me a credit card but with the incident #6 this becomes shaky.
8. Looked at something that I should not have looked at. Although I don't necessarily feel "bad" for my actions...I just feel guilty. I guess that's what you feel when you do something you know is wrong.
9. Will look at something that I also should not look at if it's not looked at by someone else tomorrow.
10. Need to figure out more question to ask the Barnard interviewer.
11. Peace.

The Sweetest Moment

Some things, I guess, can just melt your heart instantly. We hear about new moms talk about their affection for their cute babies all the time--and just how lovely and incredible these babies are. It sounded so cliche that I just didn't really care. Well, I have to admit that, after Julian is born, I'm experiencing all these cliches now. And one thing I learned from Julian is that the power of babies certainly goes beyond being adorable. The sweetest moment is when you play with them, they smile back. At this moment, you'd feel like everything is worth it. That you would do anything for them. I think what Julian "stimulates" in me is this hopefulness. I can't wait to see him grow up. I can't help but to imagine what his future would be like. In the past I might think that it's ridiculous for certain parents to want their children be what they want them to be, to not make the same mistakes they made blah blah blah...I completely understand now. Babies are like blank pieces of paper. I can't help but see them as clays..that can be molded into the most beautiful thing on earth. It almost feels like I can right all my wrongs if this baby grows up to be a better person or more successful than I am.

Well, first of all, Julian isn't my son. So he's not going to be raised the way I would like to raise my future child. Second of all, the rational part of me knows that it isn't healthy to be over-controlling. People should let children grow up naturally, whatever that means.

It's hard. But I enjoy the moment.

Upset.

Right now I'm very upset, not with anyone else but with myself. I think I'm losing self-confidence, and my over-sensitiveness isn't helping.

The initial incident is actually really petty and ridiculous. Before I left the newspaper room this afternoon, Ben Gong approached me with a copy of the Fortleeder, pointed at his name in the "Editors' Corner" and said: "Look, I'm THE man." At first I didn't even pay attention to him. About half a minute later I realized that I actually don't know what his position is in newspaper. I checked the newspaper and it is assistant-editor-in-chief, along with Bahar. Well, obviously Mr. Lawlor intended to make him the next editor-in-chief. But suddenly I became very upset because last year I applied for this position. I felt and still feel what I have done for past two years are practically assistant-editor-in-chief works. This might sound hypocritical but I really don't look upon titles with that much attachment but I do want my work to be recognized. I worked like a slave ever since I joined newspaper sophomore year. And I don't just do layout. I write, I think, I organize. Bahar has to ASK ME what to do on the days that she actually shows up. Ben Gong joined newspaper only a few months before last summer. He only wrote one, at most two, articles. I do believe he had a couple "impressive" conversation with Mr. Lawlor because apparently he is this political savvy. But other than the aforementioned, he did NOTHING else. And he would not do anything else if he were not given a position, knowing that he would almost definitely be promoted next year--just like Bahar, who is practically nonexistent during the most recent production. I doubt that she even likes newspaper. She loves a good college resume though.

Anyway, so from here, I can't help but think about why I was not "promoted." What did Bahar and Ben do to make themselves more deserving than me. What didn't I do? What did I do wrong? Was I obnoxious? Maybe to Chris, maybe to John Lee. But these are obnoxious people themselves. Was I not mature enough to take this job? Was I simply not fitting to be and do something that I practically have been doing since sophomore year? And then all I can think of is that I am not a person as worldly as other people are. I admit that I don't have as strong of an interest in current affairs as other people do. I am not as sociable as other people are. I don't want to be like this either. I am really trying HARD to overcome these weaknesses. And Ben's, Chris's constant mocking and condescending attitude are not helping at all.

I am the type of person that thrives under compliments but if you call me an psycho enough times I would actually believe that I am a psycho. I hate it when people look down on me and think that I'm just an idiotic bookworm who knows nothing beyond the books. But unfortunately I know that this is a large part of me. I am really ashamed about it and I try so hard to get out of my little cage and crawl a bit faster each time. But I just can't take certain judgments from other people anymore because they are breaking me apart.

Milton.

Milton sits behind me in AP Spanish. We've never been close friends, if not friends at all. The only class I had with him other than AP Spanish was probably Spanish II honors or something during freshmen year. At that time I didn't know him that well but I thought he was relatively normal. But apparently he became a flat-out idiot.

For some strange reason, every time Vanessa Bautista, certainly not the sharpest crayon in the box, does something stupid--however small it is (sometimes what she did is not even important or funny or stupid at all), Milton would make fun of her or make these weird noises that are supposed to mock her or something. CONSTANTLY. There would be constantly these horrible comments and he would just randomly shout out these stupid things here and there to make fun of Vanessa Bautista. Well I know VAnessa Bautista says and does a lot of retarded things but Milton's actions are just even more retarded. I mean, first of all, it's like he's some kind of genius. In fact, he's retarded. Secondly, people make fun of each other all the time, but why would you do this CONSTANTLY? And the remarks he make about Vanessa Bautista are not even smart or witty or ANYTHING AT ALL. They are just plain retarded, brainless comments.

Well one would argue that this is none of my business. But it is TOTALLY my business. Try to imagine a retarded person shouting out random stupid things while thinking that he is somehow less retarded than the person that he is making fun of. What's worse:the person sits RIGHT behind you! Don't get me wrong, I don't mean retarded or smart as in not getting straight As or possessing the knowledge to life, universe, or everything, respectively. What I mean by "retarded" is that he is not a "thinking" person. Things obviously don't go through his brain, if there is any, before he shoots them out of his ridiculous mouth. And the things he say are just incredibly thoughtless. And he never seem to want to take any kind of responsibility. Any. I mean, WHY WOULD YOU BEHAVE LIKE THIS? Have some dignity, seriously.

Plus, when I finally had had enough, I turned around and said: "you are not any smarter than she is." Milton gave me this "oh oh oh I'm so afraid" face. WHAT? Who still does this nowadays? Is he still living in his elementary school/middle school years? Seriously.

Bad turn Good

During the break of my SHP class this Saturday, i went up to the eleventh floor to get some skittles because I NEEDED the sugar. I inserted a dollar into the vending machine and then the steel ring thing starts turning. But it stopped. The pack of skittles was stuck. Obviously I was thinking "OH no this is NOT happening to me." But all of a sudden, the thing started turning again! So my skittle successfully fell down. BUT this is NOT where the story ends. The steel ring thing continued to move, and then one of the 3 musketeers that were stacked behind the Skittles fell down too!!! So I got two packs of candy/chocolate with just a dollar!!! MWAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH!

Got sauced by registration rules.

Today I suddenly realized that I can vote after Ben asked me whether I'm going to vote in the upcoming gubernatorial election. I got so excited that I printed out articles about Corzine and Christie and all so that I can be somewhat "informed" voter. But then, I found out that I have to register 21 days before an election to be eligible to vote. FML

John Lee Incident.

I have to admit that in newspaper I'm quite bossy and controlling; that's probably why I can't work with John Lee, ever--because he is so much like how I am.

Yesterday he asked me to do the layout for his page, I accepted. Well, because, frankly speaking, his aesthetic sense in layout did not impressed me much last year. I rather do it myself. Today we ran into a problem with a long comic (a vertical column strip). The comic was very detailed and look very impressive so I don't want to risk the quality by over stretching it although it would look much nicer if it's really big (maybe). I admit that I'm not too sure with how much exactly can a picture be stretched so I try to go with the comic's dimension as displayed in photoshop (6in) and try not to stretch it beyond 6 in long. John Lee, on the other hand, seems to have some unusual faith in the resolution of this particular jpeg image and believed that we can stretch it to fit almost the entire length of the tabloid paper without losing quality. I told him that I'm not going to do it because the artist spent A LOT of time on this I don't want to ruin it. His response was:
"hmm...ok. Can I change it then [after I do my layout]? I think I'm going to change it."

At this point I exploded and yelled at him. The underlying text is obviously "ok do whatever you want but I'm going to change it based on my opinion at the end anyway."

How am I supposed to continue working on this particular page if the editor implies that he's going to undermine my work anyway at the end? I was giving my "professional" opinion because HE ASKED me to do his page. I assumed that he gave me trust--and I was pretty surprised. But obviously he did not give me ANY trust. All he showed was skepticism and distrust. I can see how I'm trying to have things my way too, aka being a control freak, but I just don't understand how he can be so obnoxious like this.

Finally. Now I'm going to put this behind me.

Sports Photography. Ugh.

Sports photography...........is hard. This is what I've learned tonight.



Well, everything takes practice. I guess.



This is probably the best volleyball pic I took but the thing is that the girl belongs to the other team. :( fml

chatty Chinese

Prior to today I had always thought that Asian girls are usually shy, timid, and even if they are the loquacious type they won't be obnoxiously loquacious. But today this really chatty, in a negative way, Chinese girl who sat next to me in chorus and tortured my ears with her squeaky high register that was completely intolerable talked to me in the cafeteria, and the first thing she said was: "are you Chinese?...(blah blah blah blah blah...she's very talkative)" And I said yes. "OH I wasn't sure but I was like you must be Chinese...(blah blah blah blah)." I smiled awkwardly. "Are you a senior? 12th grade?"

Yeah.

"What school are you applying to?" She actually said it in Chinese.

WTF? Why do you care? Do I even know you? =_= I told her Barnard...but it just got really awkward so I left as fast as I could once I got my sandwich.

LOL drama

Today did not end with a good note. We had a Newspaper meeting afternoon, supposedly brief, mainly to assign articles and stuff. The thing is, we have a "short" LOL meeting at the same time too. So theoretically if I attend either one of them I'd miss the other. I considered this matter and decided to go to newspaper meeting first for the following reasons: 1) Newspaper is more important to me than LOL; 2) I have to talk to my group of layout ppl about the upcoming production; 3) BigA is not the type of person who would end a conversation like presenting LOL book in fifteen minutes. So within seconds after I stepped into the newspaper room, Bahar rushed in and told me that she only had a few people over there in the LOL meeting and wanted me to help out BigA and this meeting will be very short and blah blah blah. I was VERY reluctant and yet she dragged me to Mr. Lawlor and asked for his permission if she can take not only me but also Kyu Chul and Gene-or someone else who is at least an editor.

I mean, WHAT IS SHE THINKING? I have my own priorities and so does everyone else! Kyu has to assign articles and talk to his crew and SO DO I. Perhaps newspaper isn't her priority and as the assistant-editor-in-chief she doesn't have any personal duty at this meeting but OTHER EDITORS DO. I can't betray my own commitment just to accommodate HER needs so she can fulfill HER duties as the president of the LOL club. I was tried to talk to her about that outside the classroom and tell her that I can't leave the meeting because I'm sure by the time I come back everybody would be GONE! And the freshmen layout ppl would think that I'm an irresponsible ass! But Bahar for some reason did not hear me or did not bother to respond to me and just walked away without even turning back to see if I was actually following her.

For all means, I LOVE the SCP book. I MADE THAT GODDAMN BOOK. Yes LOL planned this meeting wayy ahead of time, unlike the newspaper meeting. But I still have my priorities and principles and I'm NOT responsible for whatever misery and embarrassment that she had to go through just because she isn't charismatic leader!

A bad day turning good day

As I blogged before, I was really upset about the fact that I did not do much of what I wrote for my paper but Mrs. Citrin really talked me through this process so I feel a lot better now.

And then it was Etra's lit hw. That really had an effect on me because I have no idea how to start revising that essay and I just can't revisit my research report before finishing revising the essay. So if Etra had not given me an extension I still would have done nothing till this moment because I just don't know how to start revising and I can't focus on either of them because both of them are equally important writings. Maybe not. but you know what I mean.

So now I have an extension. yeah that's good.

What's new? SHP...and Siemens anxiety.

After taking the goddamn exam three times, I finally got into this program (the ironic thing is that I have given up on the science path already). Half-jokingly (and the other half for curiosity, yes, curiosity), I decided to take the astronomy course, or so as it says on the course description. Between Cosmology and Astronomy I chose the one that seems to involve less math and physics but more theoretical, descriptive stuff on purpose (in this case astronomy) but apparently they called this course Astrophysics, which I only realized until I actually got there for the Orientation. Astro...PHYSICS? My immediate response was literally WTF?! I know nothing of physics and I have no interest in any math related to physics (although I understand that astronomy is basically physics). So what happened is I coerced Curtis into taking this class with me, and Amy Chen, probably not knowing anything about the physics part either, willingly put down this course becuz Curtis had it down. Now I feel really bad.

The class itself is quite interesting--in a bad way. The teacher/professor feels like he was once a nerd/geek (just like me, except better and A LOT smarter)...He tried to pull off jokes but the class was completely silent. In a way I thought that was really cute because I can totally connect with him. In Sage's words, I "feel" him--because people don't really understand my humor either. Well I just hope the class itself get better so I won't feel so guilty anymore. :(

One thing that really made me happy was I met Paul Han, a really nice friend that I made when I was at Jason Kim's Academy, immediately after I stepped into the Havermeyer building. We haven't seen each other in quite a while and the reunion can't get any better than going to the same program every saturday.

Now it's the Siemens anxiety. The worst section for me is definitely the Methods. The reason it is particularly hard for me to write up this section is that I did not do most of what I intend to write about. I feel like I'm cheating the competition, cheating my mentor, cheating myself (although I'm sure a lot of people do this). I'm so frustrated because I don't even understand half of the vocabulary used in the Methods and I'm basically copying of what my mentor wrote for his other paper. This is PAIN. and I'm so sick of it.

Revisit the College Idea

Just a minute ago I was talking to this friend H about college. Well, he talked to me about Penn at first, and how his school is really competitive and stuff, and how he doesn't want to go to any thing "lower than Carnegie Mellon." I told him that I don't think bad colleges exist, it's just how you'd use the resources of these The moment. He responded with "do you know the University of Bridgeport? median SAT 1200. WORST college out there." The moment he said it I realized that we have nothing in common. I think college is just one little stop in our long long long life (okay, maybe a little bigger than "jusat one little stop"), and it's more important to use our time wisely no matter where we are and learn how to be a decent human being during four or more years of college life.

Well, one of my dreams is to teach the younger generation my philosophy, to tell them that college isn't everything, SAT and GPA are even less so. Your value as a person is determined by what YOU do and what you think, not some numbers or some prestigious name on your job resume. And furthermore, no one is the best in the world, so there is no reason to look down on anyone or any thing. You must be tolerant of others' faults and shortcomings in order for others to be tolerant of those of your own.

recently and today.

OK so let me begin with the most recent story first. So there's this 11 grade girl Morong today in my gym class. She's new from China and doesn't really understand English so I translated for her. Later I found out that she not only comes from my hometown, her mom also works at Columbia Medical Center (my mom works there too), and even better, HER MOM WENT TO THE SAME COLLEGE AS MY MOM AND DAD (a medical college). What a small world.

Ok so yesterday was the last day of summer, and last day of summer = intensive cramming session. I wanted to pull an allnighter to do Etra's lit assignments but I fell asleep around 2:30 AM. I woke up at 6AM and started working again and finally I finished everything (though the quality was very poor) at 7:30AM. Physically, I was ten to fifteen minutes late to Arod's class; my soul remained in bed.

And lastly, last week I got my provisional license yay

Hmm...haven't posted for so long, so here's one.

took a bunch of pics of this pigeon in front of columbia's library, this is the most interesting one i guess.

btw it's just something little but I must say:

So I found this pigeon first, sitting majestically on where it sat in the picture. I started taking pictures of this pigeon from different angles but soon this random lady noticed what I'm doing and probably thought that this pigeon was interesting too so she also started taking pictures of this pigeon. Before she comes in it was a fun activity javascript:void(0)but I hate doing the same thing as other people or other people do the same thing as I so I got kind of annoyed (inside) and just stopped and left the campus.

Lastly...I really think the overlay function in photoshop makes this kinda marble/stone buildings look like something in those fantasy stories...here's another one using the same effect (St. John the Divine Cathedral):

Looking forward to...

After watching the trailer on TV I thought this would be just another crappy alien movie but surprising it's getting such good reviews. I'm so curious. I haven't seen a good sci-fi movie for so long. so yeah I'm looking forward to District 9.

100th post: A Newsletter made for Etra's summer assignment.

Click to view the PDF

After some trial and error apparently in order to have the best effect you must save as a new document and then open it again and go to View-Page Display-Two-up and also select "show cover page during two-up" option.

Breaking promise.

I promised Chris numerous times that I'd take the Mexican bus in the morning with him but after some serious contemplation and weighing of the pros and cons I think I'm going to break this promise again for several reasons:

FIRST: I simply can't wake up any time before 8:30AM. It's physically impossible.

SECOND: Mexican bus costs money whereas Columbia shuttle doesn't.

THIRD: I don't want to listen to Chris's random personal attacks and BS about his life. He was acting extraordinarily bitchy and obnoxious last night over AIM just because of some petty issue and I just know what's going to happen if I sit next to him for thirty minutes for three days. When my brother and I fight, my mom used to tell me if my brother doesn't want me to talk to him or look at him then DON'T. If I still talk to him or look at him then I'd be very 贱 (low and inferior), which is a very very very very very bad word Chris used to describe me last night along with some other words. If I know very well that he did and will continue to call a "friend" names like this just because he feels like it then why would I be so 贱 to voluntarily spend more time with him?

FOURTH: Although having a friend on the subway ride would be nice but instead of getting insulted and listening to Chris exalting himself the whole time, I rather have a nice conversation with Jackie and/or Gene for about twenty minutes each morning even though I'd be taking the subway and m66 alone.

So Chris, if you happen to read this post, know that I won't be there tomorrow because I am not a 贱 bitch. :)

An Incident that I forgot to tell

One day I was leaving my work place and I was crossing the street to get to the bus stop on the other side. At this moment some random guy biked across so I paused and we both looked at each other for a second but, unlike me, the guy didn't turn away from (aka couldn't stop) looking at me and seconds later he lost control of his bike and fell onto the ground.

I knew I have mesmerizing beauty.

An Adventure?

I went to Columbia for its campus tour and information session today. But this is not the story.

I left my house at 12PM and took the Mexican bus across the bridge and then A train--because I thought A trains runs local on the weekends. Even my mom said yes. But that's not the case. Apparently the A train is still express on the weekends. I realized that after it arrived at 145 street and I didn't want to wait for uptown A and then take 1 train downtown. So I got off at 125th street and got onto a local train for just one stop. And there I was, at 116th street. Well, I thought the 116th street stop on the A train line wouldn't be too far from the 116th street stop on the 1 train line since that's what the map appeared to show me. From the MTA subway map it appears that they are just a couple blocks away. Right, and WRONG. These two stops ARE in fact just "a couple blocks away" and Columbia IS situated right between them but so does a freakin' mountain!

So yeah, I did some climbing today. It wasn't that bad actually; it was really just a "mini" mountain. Plus I haven't climbed for quite a while so I actually got really excited as I fanatically running up the stairs.

Well, just one little reflection. The difference between the two "sides" separated by that mountain is huge to me. When I asked a woman how to get to Columbia she said something like "you mean the other side?" I didn't understand what she meant until I climbed over that "mountain" (and I hate to use the word mountain because it's really not a mountain). The East side where the A train runs seems dull and a bit shabby, whereas the Columbia side is much more lively and elegant in a sense. It's amazing how even within the UWS such a small area can be divided by just a tiny mountain, and develop so differently.

supposedly a response to Chris's blog post "you are all shitty people"

but somehow I couldn't comment so I guess it'd work for a blog entry.

To chris,

firstly, i think u meant WE are all shitty ppl.

secondly, let me tell you what i saw on the bus lol.
so one day i was taking the m66 to work. i didn't see how the thing began but all of a sudden i heard a middle-aged guy say:" no sir, let's not even go there. let's not even go there." apparently he's directing his words to a very old man w/ canes and all that. I think what happened was that this man, who also appeared to have two little children (6 ish?) occupied three of those seats that were designated for old sick and pregnant ppl. There were a couple old ppl who had nowhere to sit, so obviously that meant problem (the middle-aged man has a cane too but obviously not for him cuz i saw him walking just fine. but since he's going to sloan so maybe it's for his family member which is not good cuz sloan treats cancer patients.)

so the old man probably said something and the middle-aged (black) man said: "no sir, this is not even about the seats, you're just lazy."

at this point an old lady sitting across him said: "oh i hope your kids learn more manners than you have" (or something along this line)
and the man said: "oh don't you dare talking about MY kids. don't even start talking about MY kids." and i think he said this w/ some foul language.

so then the bus arrived at first avenue and most of those old ppl got off the bus and muttered "shame on you" on their way out. Throughout the whole time the man was on his phone and after the bus started again the man said to the person on the phone: "oh no it's nothing, just some fucking old assholes whining."

lol.

I'm a creeper.~~

'Exploited' Stage Troupe In Exploits of Its Own

A Bad Day.

Ok First of all, I'm supposed to split this job with Amy, and I could have earned more than four hundred dollars by the middle of August but this "smoking-rich" Chinese woman went back on her words and decided that it's OK to just change her mind at the last second. Irresponsible. Inconsiderate. Stupid. The lesson is never do business with Chinese people.

Second of all, for the first time I was told about (actually I asked for it) the contents of the shit that people talk about me. They weren't big deals actually. The sound that I make when I clear my throat, which is history. My opinion about McDonald. I can almost hear the conversation, though I do not understand how can this even begin:

"What? She doesn't want to work in McDonald because of that? That's so stupid."
"Yeah, it's not like anyone knows her anyway."
"Yeah, haha. Who does she think she is."

etc etc.

"Ah! You know the noise that she makes every time?"
"Yeah...(blah blah blah blah)"

I'm not angry or anything, because there's no point wasting my emotions on some idiots talking. I'm not happy though, that's for sure. Who can be happy about the fact that they just become a joke in other ppl's world? Yeah.

Well I did nothing wrong. And as of now, my way to cope with this shit is to actually view myself as higher and better than those ignorarmuses who are eventually going to die of drug-overdose or simply starvation due to their born-ineptness.

KFC got my hopes up.

I have to say this is kind of weird even to myself. Ok let me recap. I am desperate for money. For traveling, for Broadways, for clothing, whatever--I need money. I've been looking for part time jobs for quite a while. Yesterday I saw this deal: $70 for an orchestra seat to watch The Phantom of Opera! Wow! So basically I need to make $70 somehow by the end of August. My dad is certainly not paying for this. Luckily--and I am truly truly happy about this--I walked in to the KFC near my house today, and they actually put up a NOW HIRING sign. WOW! How fortunate am I! So immediately I filled out the forms. I really hope I get the job! The shift is 6PM-12. It might be a little bit tiring and even dangerous when I have to go home, but if I'm too picky I'd never get anything. And like what I said to Chris, I do think working at McDonald and even KFC is very demeaning in general and unusual for an Asian person like me. But, oh well, it's money. Time is hard, you can't ask for too much. Plus, more importantly, people from high school rarely go there (that's why my bottom line is NO MCDONALD, but not NO KFC), so I don't have to worry about getting exposed THAT much. :)

Where We Are on the Road of Learning?

*changed the title as requested by Curtis. Too much work would be involved if I change the name in the picture so I'll just leave it alone.



This is a visual diagram that I came up during the school. I think it quite accurately describes a couple types of people in my school.

First, normal people like me ask questions and then move on. But weird people do exist. Smart people like Gene are always ahead on the Road to Learning. Slow people like Jaims are always a couple miles behind. For example, when we talked about the Byzantine Empire, Jaims' mind would still be wandering somewhere among the ancient Romans. People like Robert and Wei stay on one specific topic forever--they just ask..and ask...and ask...It never stops. They will always come up with another question for the exact same thing. And the best is people like Jackie and Curtis. They ask questions that usually get the first response of "What the Hell?" "Where did you get that idea?" They are usually so far off the road of normal thinking that their questions becomes simply unanswerable.

I am worried...

...about prom.

I know very well that I score pretty high on the loser/fob scale when it comes to womanly things. And I'm not gonna lie, I am very worried about my prom date. Well, no matter how much of a loser I'm not going with Chris Wei or anyone that ppl kept talking about. That is my bottom line. Worse comes to worst I'd not go at all. I do have someone, maybe two, in mind but I just don't have the courage to ask. Well Girls are not supposed to be the one asking but considering my situation I don't think any satisfactory guys would ask me first. I'm like a weird guy magnet though. At the same time I'm very afraid that I'll lose my chance forever. Ugh. I hate things like this. And what's worse is it's so boring and ordinary.

Funny stuffs.

Ok so let me share w/ my imaginary reader a few funny/very funny stories I had/heard recently.

So let's start with today, which was pretty messy. Jackie, Gene, and I were at the shuttle stop around 4PM and it was raining pretty heavily at that time. The shuttle came and I was the first of the three (followed by Jackie, then Gene) on line to get onto the bus. For some reason water was pouring down like a waterfall from the top of the shuttle bus's door, it looked like some kind of entrance to a ridiculous water ride. Since it was pouring outside also, I, just like everyone else, wanted to get onto the bus as soon as possible. So as soon as I saw the woman in front of me stepped up the stairs I jumped right into the bus. Two things happened at this moment: 1) my head dipped right into the buttocks of the woman right in front of me--those were pretty big; 2) surprised by both the humongous buttocks AND the "waterfall," I paused at the door, and what happened was Jackie, who was right behind me, got trapped right under the "waterfall," and she was COMPLETELY soaked.

All right, next. So last week during lunch I overheard a woman talking to her friends about what she saw the night before.
"You know last night I was on a bus on first avenue, and all of a sudden, I saw this guy, or woman, or whatever it is, running fanatically on the street. Well, his face is so obviously male, but he was wearing a tank top. On top of that, at first I thought he was wearing some kind of tight pants, but when the bus got closer, I realized he had NO PANTS WHATSOEVER. You can see his two round, shiny butts! And you see other people on the street that he ran by looking back one after another realizing they just saw something kind of weird a couple seconds later."
I love NYC.


Ok now it's the bahar story. So, according to Bahar, her lab has two gorgeous looking guys, one named Brian, another--hmm I don't remember, let's call him Matt. Matt apparently has a girl friend for five years so he's out of the question. Brian, on the other hand, is single. Bahar seems to be falling in love with this guy Brian--"Oh listen, he has blonde hair, blue eyes, great muscles, great smiles, OMG HE'S EXACTLY THE GUY I WANT." So one day Brian was curious about Bahar's origin, and asks: " Hey Bahar, your name sounds exotic. What's your origin?"
"Hmm, guess!" Bahar says (flirts). After a series of guesses Brian finally said Persian.
"Oh! So you're Persian."
"Yeah."
"I dated a Persian before."
"Oh REALLY?" You can totally imagine Bahar's creeper eyes lighting up immediately . "What's her name?"
"No, HIS name."

Leila.

I think this will be the name I use in college. Yeah. :)

The first person I saw with this name is an anime character in Nana. She's cool. shown below:

I think my dad is going through menopause. Oh, wait, he's just being himself.

However great my dad, or step-dad, is or has the potential to be, he is exactly type of person I do not want for a friend. Just to make this clear, my despise of my dad isn't that type of childish teenage "oh dad my dad is so annoying" despise. I really can't stand his distorted personality and the frequent nonsense. There is absolutely no way to have a decent and logical conversation with him, especially when the topic is somewhat controversial.

For example, around seven o'clock today my baby brother suddenly started crying in the living room. My brother was upstairs in his room, and I was in the dining room. My dad was in the living room working on his computer, right beside my crying baby brother. For the first twenty seconds or so I thought my dad was trying to comfort my baby brother so I did not bother. Even though he was still crying, I did not go into the living room because it's very normal for a baby to keep crying for awhile even when someone is comforting him. And after about half minute I decided to check the living room because by then I was pretty sure my dad wasn't doing any comforting, and at the same moment that I got off my chair, my dad started yelling my and my brother's name, and said: "Hey! Come down! What's your problem? Your baby brother's crying!"

My brother and I got to the living room immediately and I was annoyed by the "What's your problem" and retorted: "I thought you were taking care of him, you're right next to him." And all of a sudden my dad's voice level was raised ten fold and yelled at me: "I'M WORKING! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME AND CHECK ON HIM?"

This ridiculous accusation actually got its way into the dinner. I don't exactly remember but probably some kind of trigger word such as "responsibility" led my dad to begin his rampage aimed at me and my brother: "Hmm! What's the use of you two? Not even coming downstairs when your brother's crying. So irresponsible. What's the use of you two?"

Nobody spoke. My mom, my brother, and I all remained silent. For one it was a ridiculous accusation; during daytime when my dad is out for work, my brother is like my baby brother's second dad. He not only helped my mom taking care of my baby brother, washed my baby brother's clothes, but also takes care of the chickens in our house. Although I do not do as much as my brother does, although I may deserve the criticism to an extent, it's certainly not to the point of "what the use of me?"

My dad's relentless soul obviously propelled him to bring up the same thing again after a long silence: "Seriously, tell me, What's the use of you two? WHAT THIS THE USE OF YOU TWO?"

It was at this point I could not hold myself back anymore, and began saying how I thought, by logic, that he was taking care of the baby in the beginning. I said I would have went to check immediately if he weren't in the house. I really see now flaw in my statement and yet my dad managed some nonsense, mostly the same thing--you're irresponsible--frankly speaking I didn't even understand what his counterpoint was, as usual. After that my mom got enough of it and told both of us to stop arguing, and he started saying something like I started this argument, which is completely not true and everyone knows that and only somebody as nonsensical as my dad would make such statement. And then I responded by pointing this obvious fact to him and he not only did not admit the mistake and apologize (which never happens, nunca jamas), he started saying "I was criticizing you, and when I criticize, you LISTEN!"

He then, again, started talking about how I always talk back and how I would have been beat to death if I grew up in the rural village where he grew up; he said it in a way as if I would have deserved to be beat to death. And I said, "even if I'm killed, it'd be your fault, not mine. I don't give a shit about getting killed, as long as I don't kill other people."

"You have a good life." Somehow the whole thing ended with his ridiculous remark which almost prompted me to continue on with this nonsense.

Good life? Nobody has a good life. Everybody has his or her own sorrows. Even people like Paris Hilton must have their own problems that trouble their souls. And I believe, the more successful one looks, the more pain he has. Just because the fact that you, in this case my dad, once lived in poverty and had to worked really hard physically and later academically and struggled through a lot of things (such as getting hot oil splashed onto his face and body by his crazy ex-wife) does not mean that you suddenly are morally superior than everyone else who does not have the same background. And over and over again my dad kept bringing up how poor he was and how good of a life I have right now and how I would have not survived that life he had. You know what? I would have survived. I would have survived better than he did. It's truly unfair to suggest me as morally inferior and accuse me of something as baseless as this when I have absolutely no chance of living the life he had. This is like the second type of unarguable argument I explained in the past blog entry. It' so ridiculous.

And speaking of morals, my dad finds moral issues in almost everything one does and says. If you ask him where something is, he is certainly going to say something along the lines of "Why are you so messy? How can you eve live independently later on? Hm! You're probably going to die being so lazy." Even if he knows where something is, he'd say "find it yourself! If you can't even find something as small as this, then how do you deserve to live?"

Once we were watching Chinese news on TV during dinner time, and the anchorman used a phrase that I did not know, so I asked my mom what that meant. And all of a sudden, my dad gave a demeaning laughter and started saying: "how can you not know this? Are you still Chinese? Are you stupid?" My mom told him that I only have a sixth grade Chinese vocabulary, and there's nothing wrong with asking for the meaning of something one does not know, the opposite is more scary. And my dad said: "Hmm, yeah, right, I bet if I ask any sixth grader in China they would know what this phrase means." and then proceeded onto the same stuff with even more scorn.

LISTEN. I may have only a sixth grade Chinese vocabulary but I was not a stupid sixth grader. If I don't even know what that phrase means then I'm pretty sure not many other sixth grader would know either. I don't know on what base, again, my dad made this ludicrous comment or it's just him not willing to concede, but I'm pretty sure with his rural education he probably didn't know what that phrase meant when he was a sixth grader either.

And as always, there's the college thing. He has been accusing me of only "knows study study study and nothing else, no life skill whatsoever" for a very long time. So obviously he does not want to become a nerd and wish me to be well-rounded, or something. However, after I told him my decision to become a photojournalist, he said: "HM! Forget it! You?!You can't even manage your daily life and you expect yourself to be walking around with heavy equipments all day? (he used to say the same thing about my being a doctor--"Forget it! You can't even cut or sew or do anything and you want to cut people in the future?") "You think being a photographer is easier than being a doctor? You're dead wrong! I think you probably should just be like your mom do research in a lab or something." he said.

And on another day he also said "You want to study history? Do you even know what the point of learning history is? DO YOU KNOW? It's to learn the mistakes of the past and not make the same mistakes again." implying that I should not study history, in this case, East Asian Studies, because of the mistake--not much profitable job opportunities in the future.

I don't know what his problem is. But for one as a father, his job is to be encouraging, even if sometimes when one's child is going astray on his path to life, a father should kindly correct, not harshly stomp and crash his child's confidence and everything inside. Secondly, I think he is in fact the one who thinks being something can be easy. NOTHING is easy. If America's Next Top Model had taught me anything then it would be that no career is easy. Just like how everyone has his or her own sorrows, every job has its own difficulties. There is no easy job. I don't make my decisions lightly, and he should not assume that I did. I know how limited my earnings would be once I'm out of college, and I'm very well aware of the fact that I could be living in poverty. Not that I'm not listening to his advice, I did. and I knew. but it doesn't mean I must follow it. Thirdly, of course one of the main reasons to study history is to learn the mistakes we make in the past and not to make the same ones again, but wait, did my dad just implied something like no one should ever study history?

Anyway, I think I'm currently on the verge of explosion. I don't think I can stand this for much longer. Thank goodness only one more year till I leave for college. I cannot stand nonsensical people who think they are always right.

A Response to Alejandro's Most Recent Post

After reading his recent entry "$$$," my first reaction was--F YOU. It is only during times like this I regret my decision to join science research. Why am I working seven hours a day, five days a week for two months as a freakin' volunteer when I could have been making thousands? I NEED MONEY TO TRAVEL! On the other hand, I can totally imagine Alejandro, this freakin' druggie, sitting in his office doing absolutely nothing productive and thinking about nothing but his beloved weeds. And he's getting paid!--to buy even more of his beloved weeds and the--"accessories." Someone apparently really wise wrote: "the ugly and the stupid gets the best of it in the world." Well, I shouldn't be so sarcastic about that actually; I'd be buying stuffs I love also with my money, so far only hypothetically speaking. As of now, I can handle my anger, or jealousy, because I know one day, when it really matters, I'll be earning much more than Alejandro--but wow, if the exact opposite happens...I don't know what I'll do. Strangle him, maybe. No, actually, rob him.

Afterthoughts: Harry Potter 6

AH. It's hard to imagine that one day, eventually, when mentioned the name Harry Potter, a teenager would say "what? Who's Harry Potter?" Not only the teens today, but also adults, elders--we all grew up, or old, with Harry Potter.

I went to watch the movie with high expectations, mainly originated from online reviews. Considering the reviews for past several movies of this series haven't been all that great, HP6's seem to be quite good. I, however, wasn't really satisfied. "The ending was brilliant!" Someone says in his review. I thought the ending was too flat. Although I don't remember exactly the ending in the book, I still remember that gloomy, yet epic-like feeling. The movie ending feels abrupt, and shallow. I don't think enough emotion/scene is given to Dumbledore's death, nor does Harry involve in enough fighting at the end. It just...ended.

But this movie made me want to actually finish that gigantic last book of Harry Potter sitting in my brother's room. Yeah, it needs a closure. One more to the summer reading list:

Dorian Grey
Dr. Jekyll
Metamorphosis
Cuckoo's Nest
Double Helix
Predictably Irrational
Colossus
HARRY POTTER 7

and numerous other technical books. FML.

Xinjiang Riot

I haven't really experienced any ethnic tension when I lived in China. Perhaps I was too little then to sense such tension, but what I thought and still think is that Han Chinese like myself are jealous of the lives of minorities like the Uighurs. They live in the most beautiful places in China. They get a boost in their college entrance exam, sort of like affirmative action. They can legitimately have more than one child. They get lots of financial support from the government--basically the perception is the fewer people you have in your clan, the less you have to work. It's more important for you to reproduce and to continue your culture since you are "scarce."(contrary to the accusation that the Han Chinese are trying to take away their culture) Being multicultural has always been what Chinese government try to advertise. Oh have fifty six ethnicities that live harmoniously under the rule of the Communist party; propaganda often show these fifty-six minorities all dress in their unique clothing. I don't think anyone in China would want to take away anyone else's unique culture. It's just ridiculous. Why would anyone do that? Sure the government forced these people to study mandarin, but what's wrong with a standardized language? It'll only help the Uighurs in finding job opportunities and all. Plus it isn't like anyone's forbidding them from speaking their own language.

I'm really sorry for the economic disparity but again I think this comment to an article in NY times really sums it up:
"The real resentment is economic disparity. But that's not just Xinjiang, but everywhere in the world now. Han Chinese are the new Jews, hard working and frugal, focusing on education, and end up having a better economic life. For that, many people resent them."

Well, back to the riot itself.

I'm appalled. What kind of human being can just go up to the street and just beat random pedestrians to death? What kind of human being would dare to ORGANIZE such thing? I don't object to violence, because sometimes it is necessary. But I believe if you have a problem with government policy or the society, you either try to change it the right way,e through government and politics, or you fight the soldiers, who are essentially paid to die fighting. Killing innocent and, more importantly, ARMLESS civilians is the ultimate act of cowardice; this is what terrorists do. I think the Uighurs who participated in the riot should be utterly ashamed because they just totally destroyed every Uighur's hard-built reputation.

discrimination, intolerance, injustice...I wish one day people could overlook one another's differences.

Rest in peace, the people who should have not died but did in this never-before-seen idiocy.

there's a reason that I don't like Ben.

(Ben's MSN status was "Uighur rioters=terrorist," so I changed my status to "Han Chinese='New Jew'," which is a quote from a comment on NY Times. And the following conversation begins with Ben's response to my status.)


[22:14] † [福] | 爱 †: why would you even say that about your own people
[22:15] BIRD.: hmm u don't get it?
[22:15] BIRD.: hold on let me find this NY times comment
[22:15] † [福] | 爱 †: i get it
[22:15] † [福] | 爱 †: but you're basically calling yourself derogatory term
[22:15] † [福] | 爱 †: if someone else does it let it be
[22:15] † [福] | 爱 †: but why would you
[22:15] BIRD.: wat?
[22:16] BIRD.: Han Chinese are the new Jews, hard working and frugal, focusing on education, and end up having a better economic life. For that, many people resent them.
[22:16] BIRD.: " "
[22:16] BIRD.: i don't see how it's derogatory.
[22:16] BIRD.: you don't get it.
[22:16] † [福] | 爱 †: calling another person a jew isn't really a compliment
[22:17] BIRD.: you have to read things within context
[22:17] BIRD.: since i gave u the context it's really pointless to keep saying it's derogatory
[22:18] † [福] | 爱 †: so you're saying that person wrote that to compliment chinese people
[22:18] BIRD.: wat? is ur world black and white or something?
[22:19] BIRD.: just becuz it's not derogatory doesn't mean a statement becomes a compliment
[22:19] BIRD.: do u seriously need me to explain to you the nature of that quote?
[22:19] BIRD.: the tone
[22:19] BIRD.: the style
[22:19] BIRD.: the purpose
[22:19] BIRD.: seriously. stop 鸡蛋里挑骨头.
[22:20] † [福] | 爱 †: here's the esl student arrogantly looking down upon others again
[22:20] BIRD.: when did i look down "upon" u?
[22:20] † [福] | 爱 †: right now
[22:20] BIRD.: i don't understand why ur giving me this attitude when i have no intention of attacking my nation and my people
[22:21] BIRD.: whatever you believe im sure i totally agree with you i don't understand why you keep challenging my status when it is in fact for Han Chinese
[22:21] † [福] | 爱 †: hmm you simply writing that blatant phrase han chinese = the new jew sure gets you a lot of attention doesnt it
[22:22] BIRD.: wat?
[22:22] BIRD.: look, you have problems
[22:22] BIRD.: and let me tell you what your problem is.
[22:22] BIRD.: you think that no one else besides you has the authority to discuss political issue becuz no one knows better than you
[22:23] BIRD.: and when I start to make a comment
[22:23] † [福] | 爱 †: wait i think your problem is the esl student learned a couple of new vocab words and phrases and decides to think she graduated from columbia school of journalism
[22:23] BIRD.: wat?
[22:23] † [福] | 爱 †: "you don't get it."
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: "is your world black and white?"
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: arrogant
[22:24] BIRD.: 小人之心度君子之腹.
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: yeayeayea
[22:24] BIRD.: i can't discuss anything serious with you
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: look
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: if you want some serious debate
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: make an acct here
[22:24] BIRD.: because it always turn into this stupid childish accusation session
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: asiafinest.com.forum
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: asiafinest.com/forum
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: intelligent unchildish people
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: unlike myself
[22:24] † [福] | 爱 †: are there
[22:25] † [福] | 爱 †: let me see how you argue your point with them
[22:25] BIRD.: wow.
[22:25] BIRD.: ur like
[22:25] BIRD.: one of those 愤青 in those chinese forums
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: yup i am
[22:26] BIRD.: i hope u grow out of it some day. cuz i did.
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: so go to that forum and lets see how other people judge you
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: should i even start a topic
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: Han Chinese = The New Jew
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: topic title
[22:26] † [福] | 爱 †: ?
[22:27] BIRD.: wat
[22:27] BIRD.: oh
[22:27] BIRD.: sure
[22:27] BIRD.: buh remember to put that quote
[22:27] BIRD.: thx
[22:27] † [福] | 爱 †: what quote?
[22:27] † [福] | 爱 †: the quote from nyt?
[22:27] BIRD.: yeah u can't just put a phrase out there becuz ppl like you will take it the "derogatory" way
[22:28] BIRD.: btw u used the term derogatory first not me the esl student
[22:28] BIRD.: and the fact that u kept calling me ESL student
[22:28] BIRD.: suggests arrogance
[22:28] † [福] | 爱 †: well im childish
[22:28] BIRD.: and looking down
[22:28] BIRD.: you are
[22:28] † [福] | 爱 †: im a 愤青
[22:28] BIRD.: you are
[22:28] † [福] | 爱 †: so i guess im allowed to call you an esl student
[22:29] BIRD.: you're never prohibited
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: and you cant retaliate because supposedly you grew out of that phase
[22:29] BIRD.: exactly im not retaliating
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: and btw
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: in ur status box
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: you didnt put the entire quote
[22:29] BIRD.: hmm sure.
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: just putting han chinese = the new jew is pretty blatant
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: so im just gonna put that
[22:29] † [福] | 爱 †: w.o the quote
[22:30] BIRD.: wat?
[22:30] † [福] | 爱 †: and lets see the people's responses
[22:30] BIRD.: this is the type of things the manipulators do
[22:30] BIRD.: like
[22:30] BIRD.: romano
[22:30] BIRD.: who take things out of context and then twist it the other way
[22:30] † [福] | 爱 †: hey you wrote it first
[22:30] BIRD.: im sure ur not that type of perosn
[22:30] BIRD.: sure i can put the whole quote in
[22:30] BIRD.: if ppl like you complain
[22:30] BIRD.: just hold on
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: LOL WHO WROTE HAN CHINESE = THE NEW JEW without the entire quote?
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: no dont
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: leave it
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: freedom of speech
[22:31] BIRD.: hmm exactly
[22:31] BIRD.: so i'll put it back
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: if u put the entire quote i wouldn't have said anything
[22:31] BIRD.: then why are you so angry?
[22:31] BIRD.: wow
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: but just putting that little phase in there is undoubtedly to cause trouble
[22:31] BIRD.: lol you just don't want to lose
[22:31] BIRD.: or admit that you didn't understant
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: you lost already lol
[22:31] † [福] | 爱 †: dont worry
[22:31] BIRD.: you're so pathetic im sorry
[22:31] BIRD.: no
[22:31] BIRD.: wait
[22:31] BIRD.: im not sorry
[22:32] BIRD.: you're just plain pathetic
[22:32] BIRD.: there's only one truth
[22:32] BIRD.: and even if other ppl take it your way
[22:32] BIRD.: the wrong way
[22:32] BIRD.: i know what i mean
[22:32] BIRD.: and i know im right
[22:32] † [福] | 爱 †: wow the girl who grew out of 愤青 is calling others pathetic
[22:32] BIRD.: so i don't care what ppl think just by looking at it
[22:32] † [福] | 爱 †: im sure intelligent people wouldn't use those words
[22:32] † [福] | 爱 †: whatever, you probably have an enlarged inferiority complex problem
[22:32] BIRD.: hmmm...your logic has becoming increasingly difficult to understand
[22:33] † [福] | 爱 †: hating yourself, its ok
[22:33] † [福] | 爱 †: g'night
[22:33] BIRD.: nitee
[22:33] Meebo Message: † [福] | 爱 † is offline


I knew this would happen. Ben is the easiest type person to read. I know he likes politics. In fact he is very involved in things like this, but I'm not. He's the type of person who, when involved in a conversation regarding politics with the "normal people," would think other people are talking about crap and don't know anything at all because he's the politic savvy. I knew he never took me seriously when it comes to thing like this. In fact he probably views me as an idiot who only knows bio chem and math and couldn't care less about the world around me. Just like how Chris gets offended when other people try to intrude "his land"--humanities, politics, and history, Ben obviously disdains most of the people other than himself when they try to talk about politics.

When he first sees my status I knew he probably thought something like "wow this nerd does NOT know what she's talking about." What I did not expect is how he starts calling me ESL student, which has absolutely nothing to do with the whole Uighur riot or anything I said. He reminds me of those 愤青, meaning angry youth, that I see in Chinese forums, who always have some kind of angry, often extremist, opinions about the world the society and are never at peace. They always argue and argue and argue. Neither party of the argument ever concedes and neither considers the logical part of each others' argument. They just pick on the "flaws" and use those to continue to argue, argue, and argue more. There's a reason that I don't like Ben.

I just knew how much he'd like Arod next year. So predictable and pathetic.