However great my dad, or step-dad, is or has the potential to be, he is exactly type of person I do not want for a friend. Just to make this clear, my despise of my dad isn't that type of childish teenage "oh dad my dad is so annoying" despise. I really can't stand his distorted personality and the frequent nonsense. There is absolutely no way to have a decent and logical conversation with him, especially when the topic is somewhat controversial.
For example, around seven o'clock today my baby brother suddenly started crying in the living room. My brother was upstairs in his room, and I was in the dining room. My dad was in the living room working on his computer, right beside my crying baby brother. For the first twenty seconds or so I thought my dad was trying to comfort my baby brother so I did not bother. Even though he was still crying, I did not go into the living room because it's very normal for a baby to keep crying for awhile even when someone is comforting him. And after about half minute I decided to check the living room because by then I was pretty sure my dad wasn't doing any comforting, and at the same moment that I got off my chair, my dad started yelling my and my brother's name, and said: "Hey! Come down! What's your problem? Your baby brother's crying!"
My brother and I got to the living room immediately and I was annoyed by the "What's your problem" and retorted: "I thought you were taking care of him, you're right next to him." And all of a sudden my dad's voice level was raised ten fold and yelled at me: "I'M WORKING! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME AND CHECK ON HIM?"
This ridiculous accusation actually got its way into the dinner. I don't exactly remember but probably some kind of trigger word such as "responsibility" led my dad to begin his rampage aimed at me and my brother: "Hmm! What's the use of you two? Not even coming downstairs when your brother's crying. So irresponsible. What's the use of you two?"
Nobody spoke. My mom, my brother, and I all remained silent. For one it was a ridiculous accusation; during daytime when my dad is out for work, my brother is like my baby brother's second dad. He not only helped my mom taking care of my baby brother, washed my baby brother's clothes, but also takes care of the chickens in our house. Although I do not do as much as my brother does, although I may deserve the criticism to an extent, it's certainly not to the point of "what the use of me?"
My dad's relentless soul obviously propelled him to bring up the same thing again after a long silence: "Seriously, tell me, What's the use of you two? WHAT THIS THE USE OF YOU TWO?"
It was at this point I could not hold myself back anymore, and began saying how I thought, by logic, that he was taking care of the baby in the beginning. I said I would have went to check immediately if he weren't in the house. I really see now flaw in my statement and yet my dad managed some nonsense, mostly the same thing--you're irresponsible--frankly speaking I didn't even understand what his counterpoint was, as usual. After that my mom got enough of it and told both of us to stop arguing, and he started saying something like I started this argument, which is completely not true and everyone knows that and only somebody as nonsensical as my dad would make such statement. And then I responded by pointing this obvious fact to him and he not only did not admit the mistake and apologize (which never happens, nunca jamas), he started saying "I was criticizing you, and when I criticize, you LISTEN!"
He then, again, started talking about how I always talk back and how I would have been beat to death if I grew up in the rural village where he grew up; he said it in a way as if I would have deserved to be beat to death. And I said, "even if I'm killed, it'd be your fault, not mine. I don't give a shit about getting killed, as long as I don't kill other people."
"You have a good life." Somehow the whole thing ended with his ridiculous remark which almost prompted me to continue on with this nonsense.
Good life? Nobody has a good life. Everybody has his or her own sorrows. Even people like Paris Hilton must have their own problems that trouble their souls. And I believe, the more successful one looks, the more pain he has. Just because the fact that you, in this case my dad, once lived in poverty and had to worked really hard physically and later academically and struggled through a lot of things (such as getting hot oil splashed onto his face and body by his crazy ex-wife) does not mean that you suddenly are morally superior than everyone else who does not have the same background. And over and over again my dad kept bringing up how poor he was and how good of a life I have right now and how I would have not survived that life he had. You know what? I would have survived. I would have survived better than he did. It's truly unfair to suggest me as morally inferior and accuse me of something as baseless as this when I have absolutely no chance of living the life he had. This is like the second type of unarguable argument I explained in the past blog entry. It' so ridiculous.
And speaking of morals, my dad finds moral issues in almost everything one does and says. If you ask him where something is, he is certainly going to say something along the lines of "Why are you so messy? How can you eve live independently later on? Hm! You're probably going to die being so lazy." Even if he knows where something is, he'd say "find it yourself! If you can't even find something as small as this, then how do you deserve to live?"
Once we were watching Chinese news on TV during dinner time, and the anchorman used a phrase that I did not know, so I asked my mom what that meant. And all of a sudden, my dad gave a demeaning laughter and started saying: "how can you not know this? Are you still Chinese? Are you stupid?" My mom told him that I only have a sixth grade Chinese vocabulary, and there's nothing wrong with asking for the meaning of something one does not know, the opposite is more scary. And my dad said: "Hmm, yeah, right, I bet if I ask any sixth grader in China they would know what this phrase means." and then proceeded onto the same stuff with even more scorn.
LISTEN. I may have only a sixth grade Chinese vocabulary but I was not a stupid sixth grader. If I don't even know what that phrase means then I'm pretty sure not many other sixth grader would know either. I don't know on what base, again, my dad made this ludicrous comment or it's just him not willing to concede, but I'm pretty sure with his rural education he probably didn't know what that phrase meant when he was a sixth grader either.
And as always, there's the college thing. He has been accusing me of only "knows study study study and nothing else, no life skill whatsoever" for a very long time. So obviously he does not want to become a nerd and wish me to be well-rounded, or something. However, after I told him my decision to become a photojournalist, he said: "HM! Forget it! You?!You can't even manage your daily life and you expect yourself to be walking around with heavy equipments all day? (he used to say the same thing about my being a doctor--"Forget it! You can't even cut or sew or do anything and you want to cut people in the future?") "You think being a photographer is easier than being a doctor? You're dead wrong! I think you probably should just be like your mom do research in a lab or something." he said.
And on another day he also said "You want to study history? Do you even know what the point of learning history is? DO YOU KNOW? It's to learn the mistakes of the past and not make the same mistakes again." implying that I should not study history, in this case, East Asian Studies, because of the mistake--not much profitable job opportunities in the future.
I don't know what his problem is. But for one as a father, his job is to be encouraging, even if sometimes when one's child is going astray on his path to life, a father should kindly correct, not harshly stomp and crash his child's confidence and everything inside. Secondly, I think he is in fact the one who thinks being something can be easy. NOTHING is easy. If America's Next Top Model had taught me anything then it would be that no career is easy. Just like how everyone has his or her own sorrows, every job has its own difficulties. There is no easy job. I don't make my decisions lightly, and he should not assume that I did. I know how limited my earnings would be once I'm out of college, and I'm very well aware of the fact that I could be living in poverty. Not that I'm not listening to his advice, I did. and I knew. but it doesn't mean I must follow it. Thirdly, of course one of the main reasons to study history is to learn the mistakes we make in the past and not to make the same ones again, but wait, did my dad just implied something like no one should ever study history?
Anyway, I think I'm currently on the verge of explosion. I don't think I can stand this for much longer. Thank goodness only one more year till I leave for college. I cannot stand nonsensical people who think they are always right.
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