Bubble of Idealism

Like the many people of my age,
I have idealistic visions of my life and the grander world.
I believe that I would be happier in the future
working for something I genuinely enjoy
than working for something I do not enjoy
but is promised with great monetary reward.

I have faith in human rationality,
and I believe that there is a poignant and meaningful story
out of every seemingly retarded choices that people make everyday.

I think if I work hard enough,
I would make a difference.
And that's all it matters in the end.

But I am experiencing this ever-growing anxiety
that this bubble of idealism of mine
will gradually grow bigger and bigger and then...
burst.

It's a strange feeling...
Right now, I am more certain than ever about my idealistic visions
At the same time, though
there is something very unreal about idealism
just by definition.

I'm deeply afraid that one day,
maybe one, three, ten years later,
I'd wake up and realize these things that I now believe in are all untrue.
or maybe they are still true,
but I would have already been so worn out
by the cruelties of adulthood and reality that I no longer believes in these beautiful ideas.

Frightening thought.
To the me now,
it's like living without a soul.

Like death.