Four essays. Two down, two to go.

Finally at the end of year we got something fun to write.

For English, On Writing and This I Believe.

For Arod, My Great Depression.

For LOL, Grandma story. :)

Lots of work but lots of fun too.

no more fun next week though, SAT SAT SAT.

So much to say, nothing.

I have so much to write about recently. and yet I don't feel like writing any. Just gonna send some pics, to record my life. -->

can't help

Recently I just can't help but think about my future career choices....sorry to bother my nonexistent readers again and again with this mumbling. But today I found this college called New York School of Interior Design. It sounds interesting. Its courses sound very interesting. The application requires a portfolio, but I'm not a born artist or anything so I can't really draw...let a lone anything related to "interior decoration." But they also have a basic program for those ppl who got admitted without a portfolio of art works, in which they teach those ppl the basic stuff and the second year these ppl have an opportunity to apply for a higher program. It sounds like the sped program in the interior design world but seriously, I won't mind if I actually decide to go to that college. Those introductory courses sound interesting too, space planning and all.

Strangely, if someone asks me to be a nurse, I'd view that as a waste of my talent, but if I actually have the opportunity to become an interior designer, I don't think this way at all. In fact, I envy those artistic ppl who actually do interior design for a living. I wish I'm as talented as they are. ugh.

On the other hand I also looked up the lifes of epidemiologists. I think this is exactly what I want if I happen to be a doctor. It just sounds really interesting. It's like a battle...a mind game...between men and virus. It's great.

I really wish science was never among my career options. cuz if then I'd jump right into design without a second thought. Now I'm just a messed-up person.

what's passion

Last night, i realized something new. I realized that I spend more time voluntarily on reading about and playing with photography, interior design, layout, filming--than doing things pertaining to medicine or science. It scared me. As of now my life seems to be definitely on the pre-med track, but that's not my passion. Or is any of the things listed above? I don't know which ones are hobbies and which ones are passion anymore. But I know I have no passion for science. I don't learn about nature for fun, but I do layout for fun. I don't just start experimenting with everything I have, but I do try eve rything I can to do some interior design, for example, by playing Sims :)

Anyways, the thought that I might be going into something that's not for me is scary. Really scary. I don't want to wait till my forties to realize that what I'm doing is not making me happy at all. I don't.

But another thing is, I remembered I wanted to study infectious diseases. I want to outsmart the bacteria and the virus. This is probably the only aspect of medicine that excites me. But in order to outsmart virus I need to do lab research, which I hate...

Life is a series of decision-making, and I'm stuck.

Random day, random stuffs.

The bench outside Orthodontist's office.


Mom-made pizza.


Dress for the Performing Arts Dinner

NHS Induction Ceremony

Tuesday was the induction. I wasn't particularly happy or excited because I knew I was going to be in the National Honors Society. So basically the rehearsals and stuff took me out of classes at the exact right time and were canceled at the right time as well. These days might be a bit busy, NO, EXTREMELY busy, but it's more stress-free than the past, in general. I don't know why know. It's probably the AP exams. It's always the AP.

Anyways, Bahar was one of the speakers during the ceremony and part of her speech was about how courageous the students who were at the board meeting were and stuff. Seriously, she has to stop taking in other people's "praises" and thinking that she actually did something extraordinary. What she said was polite, which was necessary considering the circumstance, but the "politeness" really made that particular part frothy and vapid. Together with the rest of her speech, there were really nothing memorable enough for me to register in my memory. Seriously. She has to stop thinking she did something brave and special.

Gene's speech was not bad. For the first time he talked calmly, different from the past "demogogue-ish" style he had adhered to so persistently. Thank god. It was plain and simply, which is good (unlike leke and amy's speech. I did not understand a thing.). But wow, at the end of the ceremony Mr. Hymson quoted Gene's speech three times and no one else's. That is so wrong. Gene's speech is probably the best one out of the bunch but a teacher cannot just quote HIS speech THREE TIMES and NO ONE ELSE's. I'm not eliminating the possibility of jealousy, but I just don't think teachers have the right to elevate one particular student to a god-like status. That's just ridiculous. Gene IS smart. But there are other people who are just as good, if not better than, he is. It is not the teacher's job to elevate a student's status in any way.

Oh, almost forgot. Jackie was the one who was originally voted to be the speaker for "leadership," and Jackie kindly decided to share her speech with someone...and the someone happened to be Bahar (though Jackie regretted later, she didn't know it was Bahar). But somehow Bahar, out of her nature, took over the control over this whole speech thing, and became really bossy about Jackie's speech as if she was the one elected. I don't think Bahar did it intentionally. I understand she just wanted to make the speech good and stuff, but the way she took advantage of Jackie and bossing her around is really annoying.

And that was NOT what I thought was the worst. During their speech, Bahar started off with this three minute speech and said THANK YOU at the end. But the problem is Jackie had not spoken a word yet, how could Bahar say thank you? After Bahar's thank you the audience began clapping and the situation got kind of awkward for Jackie. Yeah I think Bahar need to get out of her little circle and start to think about the others. The world does not revolve around you OK?

OK, tomorrow's the tripp. Ultra-excited. Dumplins for lunch :)

Before going to do hw.

Last week was crazy. Day after day was INTENSE studying, or, more precisely, cramming. The sickness/cold/whatever that started during that three days is still following me like a ghost. And today it's headache, and some dizziness when lying face up on the bed. ugh.

But the thing is, I have never felt this relaxed since the year began. The "post-AP" period is like a period of irresponsibility, indulgence, nothingness. Last weekend I did not feel like doing A THING. and I did none. I watched Chinese dramas and Japanese cartoons all day, plus playing OMGPOP. Yeah, that felt good. doing nothing.

And then the school begins, again. Without APs, without a goal, school felt like pointless. It's as if there's nothing to study for anymore. So today, the first day, is a boring day. A very boring day.

Looking forward to the St. John the Divine trip Friday. YAY.

I remembered why I'm here.

Everyone who comes to America has a dream--or a goal. To earn lots of money, to go to college. My dream is supposed to be the latter, but it's not. I remembered telling myself--don't waste this precious opportunity, make friends, lots of friends, different friends. I wanted to make friends with all kinds of people, of various ethnicity, of various religion, of various personality. I wanted, in the future when I'm an adult, to still be around and hang out with all kinds people, not just Chinese or Asian people. In a way what I want is to fit into the American society. My worst nightmare would be other people's seeing me as the nerdy, awkward Chinese girl with a horrible accent--and then subconsciously trying to not talk to me. That would be terrible.

I tried to stay out of those little Chinese circles/cliques. I feel once I fall into one of these little circles I'd never be able to get out--I'd be constantly speaking Chinese and alien myself from the rest of the America. Why would I come all the way here just to be alienated? I don't understand why some Chinese people willingly live in Chinatown when they have a choice of living elsewhere. Why would you go through all this trouble of leaving China and coming all the way to America just to be back in China again? I know that, inevitably, my friends would be predominantly Asian anyway, but looking back on the past year, I feel my dream could come true one day.

Little me.

Ms Osbourn wants some pictures of the members of SCP project with their grandparents and stuff. So I asked my cousin and got these pictures. lol.







Hmmm...I WAS A BOYYYY.




And then I became a girl.

the power of coupons and such

Bought a pair of new shoes today at Macy's. Well, it's just a pair of new shoes, but the thing is, the original price was 80 dollars, and then it was on sale so it becomes 70 dollars. and then my mom had a 25% off coupon PLUS a $30 off thing that she had accumulated over the years through buying clothes and stuff from macy (for every $100 macy gives back $10) so in the end we bought this pair of shoes for an AMAZING

$15!!!!!! mwahahhaahhahha