I remembered why I'm here.

Everyone who comes to America has a dream--or a goal. To earn lots of money, to go to college. My dream is supposed to be the latter, but it's not. I remembered telling myself--don't waste this precious opportunity, make friends, lots of friends, different friends. I wanted to make friends with all kinds of people, of various ethnicity, of various religion, of various personality. I wanted, in the future when I'm an adult, to still be around and hang out with all kinds people, not just Chinese or Asian people. In a way what I want is to fit into the American society. My worst nightmare would be other people's seeing me as the nerdy, awkward Chinese girl with a horrible accent--and then subconsciously trying to not talk to me. That would be terrible.

I tried to stay out of those little Chinese circles/cliques. I feel once I fall into one of these little circles I'd never be able to get out--I'd be constantly speaking Chinese and alien myself from the rest of the America. Why would I come all the way here just to be alienated? I don't understand why some Chinese people willingly live in Chinatown when they have a choice of living elsewhere. Why would you go through all this trouble of leaving China and coming all the way to America just to be back in China again? I know that, inevitably, my friends would be predominantly Asian anyway, but looking back on the past year, I feel my dream could come true one day.