i decide to keep this as a permanent blog...for myself.

I've long noticed that I tend to talk to myself when I'm alone. I'd talk about things that I am thinking at that moment as if I'm talking to another person. I'd talk about things that I'm planning to talk about with another person. It's weird. And I feel ill when I do that. So, I decided, instead of talking to myself aloud, perhaps I should just make a blog for myself. Not for anyone to read, just myself. So I can stop this abnormal behavior.

Also, I feel when I'm around other people, I talk about myself wayyy too often. So hopefully this blog would help me in eliminating that annoying trait.

OK.

The topic of today is Bad mouthing one's fatherland.

I don't like it. and I can't bring myself to do that. I feel uncomfortable when my mom starts saying how only Chinese could do certain acts because they are so backward and conservative and how America is so much better because it is so much more liberal, wiser, etc. etc. I don't like how she always 上纲上线 about everything. Last night we're watching this chinese movie, a divorced village woman was pissed at her ex-husband because he is remarrying another woman. So on his wedding day, this woman went there and acted crazy, scolding at him and complaining how she never complained when he wanted a divorce or when he let her take care of all the child, and yet he decided to remarry, which is apparently extremely embarrassing to her. And she says how their children, though little, are crying hysterically because they feel the same shame as well. And I knew it, I just knew my mom would start criticizing China at this moment.

"This type of thing would only happen in China! How does their father's second marriage have anything to do with his ex or children? Stupid! So backward! American people never care about such thing, they treat their step children like their own."

I felt really uncomfortable. Above all, I don't think "the backwardness" was the film's point. In fact, it appears to be the conflict. I'm sure the film would end in a more "acceptable" way by her standards. Second, many many women get pissed when their ex remarry, no matter if they are white yellow or blue. I don't understand why my mom always associate bad things with China-only. The highway is not as developed...the city is dirty...blah blah blah. and that's all because of the bad political system, corrupted government, over conservative people....

Her claims might hold a lot of truth, but I don't think this is the right way to treat things, to treat anything. I think people, esp my mother, should acknowledge the good sides of bad ppl and bad things more often. Everyone's flawed, but few of those flaws are actually fatal. She's not perfect either, but no one should start completely annilhating her character just because he or she caught one of her flaws.

I don't like it.