I'm bored. So pictures.

It's pink.


Wonder Girls...haha


偷刘谦的台词....

Frost/Nixon.

Frost/Nixon
My Rating: A
Comments:
I had expected films of this genre to be dull and boring. Although the trailer seemed extremely intense, I prepared to endure through a totally different movie--than the one I just saw. The movie was extraordinarily engaging, there wasn't a second available for you to breathe.
"Well, when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal."
What a line.
I gave it an A instead of A+ only because I found Frost turned the whole game over to his advantage too abruptly. Just an emotional phone call and your last day became a huge success? I don't buy that.

I like Slumdog Millionaire more though, however disturbing it is.

No trip to NYC.

Oh well, I guess no city air in a while then.

It's not that good anyways.

So I read shooting the elephant this morning. I don't know...Interesting...but that's it.

I desperately need to develop some literature nerves. I don't understand them.

Hmmm...maybe I should go out anyways. At least two books are waiting for me to pick up and one book waiting to be returned.

Tomorrow and To-Do's.

Tomorrow I'm going to NYU for a lecture w/ Jackie.

GOD I miss the non-Fort Lee air.

So, I'm gonna take lots and lots of pictures...probably.

So, tomorrow to-do:
bring camera, cell phone, metro card, and pen and pencil.

Weekend to-do:
write up the research description thing for English.
Math HW.
Chem HW.
Science Research Project.
Spanish HW. (DONE)
edit SCP story.

So this weekend is not that hectic...that means LOTS AND LOTS of HSPA, SAT, AP, and even Sci. League and InDesign studying. OK. Let's do it!

So I donated blood today.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as I had expected.

Before donating I was required to stuff down a bagel and a bottle of Poland spring, and I did that in about ten minutes. Guess what, water was actually much harder to finish than the bagel.

Giving blood hurts. And that's probably it. The worst thing is that they asked you to squeeze every five seconds in order to let the blood flow faster. The needle alone hurts already, and squeezing every five seconds is like asking you to consciously decide to yourself every five seconds. But luckily mine whole donating process only took like about 5 minutes. I heard some people were there for 15 min because of narrow veins of something. And then they had to apply cold packs and stuffs because it took them so long. Mine was pretty fast. So I'm glad.

I saw people looking really tired and dizzy after giving blood. I was prepared to get dizzy, faint, or anything because I had fainted twice before (once while standing another time while watching a kid getting stitches)....so I carefully monitored my conscious level during the process. And it didn't change. I felt the same way before and after donating one pint of blood. wow. ok, maybe slightly lightheaded, but just SLIGHTLY. I mean, it's one pint of blood.

So, after being a heroine for the rest of day, disappointment comes when I start calling my parents. I wanted to do this secretly in the beginning, but I didn't remember my social security number so I had to tell my mother. I called her again in the afternoon but her attitude was really cold and uncaring, as usual. I actually called because I want to know if she's feeling better but oh well. So I am still left with the option of not telling my dad but I called him anyway before that is how I've been for the past seventeen years--I always tell my parents what I do. So, interestingly, however frequently he had described ME as an psychotically over-sensitive and suspicious person, he himself immediately took my informing him of what I did today as bragging to him that he was wrong, as going against his will. Yes I went against his will, but I wasn't trying to say "HAHA, you see? I didn't faint as you suspected. Loser." Again back to what I've been saying a few days ago, I hate people trying to guess what I think, especially when they are wrong and frequently wrong.

I went against my parents' will because I don't want to regret. If I don't do it this year, the regret is going to grow and grow and become an emotional burden on me. I want to know my blood type as well.

But oh well, at least now I can freely wear the "superhero" t-shirt.

Sick and coughing.

Mom is sick and coughing. I'm concerned...anyone would be concerned....all that coughing....but I haven't really talked to her these two days because I'm afraid. Once Grandma was sick and coughing, she was never really recovered from the sickness and the coughing. And she died.

Yes to Donation

I decided to donate blood tomorrow.

Eunice said that Priya said that the school won't contact my parents if I faint. So, that's good. and I'll do it.

Why? I think...I just really want to know my blood type.

And I feel good knowing that part of me can save lives.

English Journal.

Before the essay: It seems that I talk about my mother very often here. I have to justify, to myself, that I don't hate my mother. She is a great mother and teacher of life, how to be with other people. But I do feel uncomfortable about many things that she does and think. I feel uncomfortable about even more things with my dad, especially his temper and illogicality, but the only reason that I talk about my mom so much more here is that...I think it is that...she is more influential in my life.

My mom is a racist, period. She thinks White and Black Americans’ characters are just as white and black as their skin. She doesn’t overtly show favoritism towards Whites but she surely has strong dislike for the Blacks. And by the way, the Hispanics are considered to be in the Black team too. Of course, a racist like herself can’t live without a laundry list of prejudices, and among many of those is that Blacks and Hispanics are lazy.

Lazy is just an one-word summary of her numerous complaints—they always want to work as little as possible and earn as much as possible, they always don’t want to learn and therefore always mess up at work, they are rude and not focused, they are stupid probably because they did not work hard enough when they were in school……As you can see, most of these complaints are associated with work, and therefore I can safely assume she developed these prejudices while observing Blacks and Hispanics at her workplace. I am sure she is well aware of the fact that there are indeed very successful and respectable Blacks and Hispanics out there somehwhere, but somehow she still has some kind of innate disgust for these two groups of people. And I think that is what made her more than just a person holding prejudices. (Once I responded to her racist comments--that she denied were racist--by asking her..if it's Obama, is it ok for me to marry a Black person?--No, not even that. She answered briefly.)

I do not deny that many Hispanic and Black Americans are indeed immensely lazy as I’ve observed everywhere. But people of all races and nationality can be and are lazy. Some Whites are lazy, some Muslims are lazy, some Asians are lazy, some Chinese are lazy. Some Hispanics are more hard-working than most Chinese, and some Blacks are more successful than most Whites. Making a conclusion like “Blacks and Hispanics are lazy” based on observing a small group of people being lazy is like saying a drug is effective just because one experiment done on three people provides positive results.

The scariest thing about prejudice is when one is so overwhelmed by the generalization that he or she begins to deny exceptions. Everyone holds some sorts of prejudice against others, and that is normal, because our brains are made to think andhave opinions. However, it is always important to remember that there is always someone who is a total counter-argument to one’s prejudice. This may sounds paradoxical but it's just a way of double think. And double think is especially important here because it prevents us from being devoured by our own inevitable flaws in rational thinking.

Anxious about what is waiting for me to complete TONIGHT.

so, how about today?
I don't know, let me think....

thinking...thinking...

Hmmmm.
so second period Spanish, nothing worth noting.
third period English, nothing.
fourth period Science Research...Hmmm...I wish we could talk more freely in the classroom. It's no fun anymore when what we always have to do is always "focus." I think conversation helps us become a more close-knitted "family."
fifth period, nothing.
sixth period, gosh..the volleyball hurts. but it's ok.
seventh period, nothing.
eighth period, nothing.
ninth period, nothing.

Oh mann, what an uneventful day.

buh.

Tonight:
Finish Science Research Project
Study for Spanish Test tomorrow
English Homework "Prejudice" journal
Finish suburbanite
Finish chem ch.12 notes.
get check for class clothe sale
send my transcript to columbia SHP

long term:
study for ap world history
study for SAT
study for science league.

short term problem:
should i or should i not donate blood tomorrow?

So, let the task begin....

Lots of work. Starting 7 o'clock.

Nothing really happened today. No conflict to talk about. Got caught sneaking into the printer room so I had to carry that stupid math textbook home.

speaking of which. damn i have so much hw to do. no time for free thinking and ranting here.

I was going to say that's it for today, but let me just have a quick review for slumdog millionaire...

so..

Slumdog Millionaire
My Rating: A+
Comments:
First impression: disturbing...second impression: disturbing and horrifying...It's not a good feeling to watch this movie at 2 o'clock in the morning, but the movie is mesmerizing. So realistic, so sad. And I think the little kid should win the oscar's best male actor. What a crazy movie.

25 random things, posted on Facebook

25 things...wow why am i doing this.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. hmmm I'm supposed to be revising my persuasive essay right now, but somehow I ended up here.
2. I feel like I'm a half-done person, therefore by extension, garbage: I can do all types of things well, but never really master any of them.
3. I ABSOLUTELY love softball. And I ABSOLUTELY enjoy the awesome feeling and the "PONG" sound that come when I hit a ball all the way to the outfield. Unfortunately, again, I'm not good enough to play. Half-done garbage's sadness.
4. I watch all kinds dramas. Chinese, Korean, and mostly Japanese. And I think this is good because it really allows me to observe different cultures, and therefore what would have been prejudice and stereotypes are now valid opinions. I personally prefer Japanese dramas for their conciseness and emphasis on human minds, etc.
5. I'm a huge anime fan. but more like, an old anime fan. The Legend of Galactic Heroes, Dragon Ball, Slamdunk, Conan, Hunter X Hunter, Twelve Kingdoms.....I felt kinda out of touch nowadays because I haven't been watching all these new anime. The most recent one was Lelouch, but anyways...the old classics keep me satisfied.
6. I love America's Next Top Model for a reason. Arod and Alejandro might never understand but I do believe it's an excellent show to an extent. ANTM makes me appreciate everyone's effort in excelling their job. It makes me realize that no job is superficial or BS, as Alejandro once said; all jobs require effort, and I appreciate those ppl that take their job seriously, no matter what it is. Also, I like all the heavily Photoshopped photos. They are pretty.
7. I am a hardcore Falcom fan. I rarely play other company’s games. Their games—sora no kiseki, Ys, etc—have the best graphics and story-line I’ve ever seen. I love it love it LOVE IT. Oh, and I only play PC games and some gameboy games on simulator. Even in this era of playstation and stuffs, I still believe PC games rule.
8. I don’t know why I don’t really pay attention to song’s lyrics. Maybe because, again, I listen to all types of songs—from Jazz to Rock to New Age, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Jewish…I guess I’m so used to these songs in foreign languages that I have no idea of that I instinctively pay more attention to the melody instead of lyrics.
9. I prefer to be alone. Vacation alone, shop alone, eat alone……I don’t like when I have to cope with other ppl and their opinions. Generally speaking, I hate group projects. But I had the best group project experience with Reem, Gene, Brian, Yan, Nidhi, Jasmine, Kyu, Robert (did I miss anyone?)!!!!!! Our The Things They Carried Group is the best forever!! Fried Chickens lol!
10. I’ve never finished any hw before the last day of any break—An All-Time procrastinator’s confession.
11. I try to be as prejudice-less as possible at all times. I like to judge people and events, but always based on what I’ve observed. I’m very opinionated once I feel my observations are sufficient and sometimes I can be very bitter and harsh. Jaims knows all about it.
12. I suck at Language Arts, and I hate it. I like making up stories but I hate writing them. I’m better at math and science but I don’t really like these subjects. Sometimes they appeal to me because they are much more rational and logical than…let’s say…language arts and history…but I don’t really enjoy studying them.
13. Other half-done garbage’s confession. I like graphic design but I don’t draw well. I like photography but I can’t take a picture without shaking. I can match pitch but my voice sucks. I like studying foreign languages but I don’t have a talent for that.
14. I love detective stories, especially those classic, pure, whodunit novels. Agatha Cristie, Queen, etc. And Japanese detective stories are really really really good as well. But I don’t have time to read those now.
15. I will buy an ebook reader like Kindle once they allow Chinese characters.
16. I improve by hearing compliments. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that is truly how I improve. I get satisfaction and I strive for the better. I’ve been almost constantly telling my dad this. But the stubborn him has deep-rooted faith in the Asian method of teaching. And that is not working.
17. I like to guess what other ppl think, but I hate when ppl, esp my mom, trying to guess what I think, esp when she’s wrong.
18. I don’t like how my mom always criticizes China for it’s backwardness in certain areas and conservatism and how America is good in this and good in that. I think such sentiments can easily make people biased and not see the goodness of bad things.
19. I don’t like how my mom permits my step brother to say rude things about his biological mother, although his biological mother is indeed a crazy woman. I believe when one feels OK to insult the person who created him, he has the potential to say anything to anyone. And that is true because my brother now feels no restraint to say anything to me, things that he know and don’t know what they mean.
20. I acknowledge the unpleasant aspects of China, but I can’t bring myself to hate it or say bad things about it…because I’m Chinese. And no, Jaims, I’m not a Chinese parasite who is trying to feed off the American resource to benefit China. I like the environment here. But if a large-scale war does happen between China and USA, I will go back to Chinaor join some kinda international organization.
21. No offense but I think people who take French, a practically useless language unless ur a translator or something, in the United States are self-righteous and pompous. Ok, this might be an over-generalization but I just don’t understand why someone would take it here…probably it sounds elegant and stuff…but….
22. I don’t think there is such thing as “the most beautiful-/worst-sounding language.” People often say one language sounds prettier than the other. Japanese sounds better than Chinese, French sounds better than Spanish. But the more I study Spanish the more I appreciate its beauty—the beauty in its sounds and the way it works, the conjugations, everything. I don’t think it’s any less beautiful than Japanese, Chinese, or French. I think every language, from tribal to dialect to ones like Spanish Chinese etc, is an innovative, ingenious, and respectable creation. It’s simply shallow and stupid to categorize them as beautiful or not beautiful as if we’re having a beauty contest.
23. I buy wayyyy more books than I actually read. It feels good to see your bookshelf filled with books. And I’m absolutely OCD about no-writing in the book and no-bending-of-corners. I think everyone should love his/her book like loving his/her babies.
24. My painful memory with Ycre has left me a deep emotional scar. So deep that I can’t help but mention her here.
25. The End. Now, Persuasive essay….

Day 2.

So, the before-the-topic rambling.
The reason I want a blog read by only me is that this way I'd have no restraint in writing my opinion. I used to have blogs, but those were sooo temporal because I can't find anything to write...anything that wouldn't offend other ppl or make ppl think negatively of me. However, in this blog, I can write whatever and however I want. No one's judging me. I'm free.

Ok, so the conflict of today is sleeping.
Last night I slept at 2:30AM because I was working on my Suburbanite article. So, this morning I decided to wake up a little bit late...not because I woke up late...I woke up early, but I just want a little more sleep. So I got up at 8AM, and as I expected, my mom began yelling at me for staying up and getting up so late...as if I wanted to do this. But this is ridiculous. There shouldn't be any conflict at all. I agree with her by all means. I know sleep is important, I know sleep deprivation is harmful to body. BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE. I HAVE TO DO WORK. I really really really want to sleep at 9 everyday but I couldn't. I don't like the way my mom scolds at me for sleeping late as if the only reason was that I was playing game or something. Like day before yesterday, the Oscar night. I don't even watch Oscar on a yearly basis. I think it's a waste of time. But that night at 10 I was hungry and I know I won't be able to go to sleep until at least two or three hours later so I went down to get some food. Meanwhile I figured maybe just watch ten minutes of Oscar and see what it is. My mom apparenty woke up by my footsteps, and came down furious, "What the hell are you doing? Watching Oscars? Are you kidding me? Do you know how to plan your time at all? HURRY UP AND GO TO SLEEP! Seriously, I don't understand what's wrong with your brain!"

I would like my job to be as comfortable and relaxing as my mom's (as of now), but it isn't. I can't just "go to sleep"...like Alejandro..because then I'd be missing hw or sucking at essays so I won't have the grades and everything that's appropriate for applying to decent colleges. I don't think she should be expecting her daughter, who is obviously not a prodigy and therefore has to work really hard to accomplish things, to succeed without working "till the sunrises"...A similar ridiculous thing is how my dad wants me to look sophisticated and yet opposes me going shopping.....Everything you wish comes with a sacrifice, and I think my mom and dad should be pleased that sacrificing is not their job anymore. I have to sacrifice my sleep to work hard and to become a person that they are proud of and I don't think they should be constantly yelling at me for that. There should be more understanding and sympathy. I'm hoping for more understanding and sympathy.

i decide to keep this as a permanent blog...for myself.

I've long noticed that I tend to talk to myself when I'm alone. I'd talk about things that I am thinking at that moment as if I'm talking to another person. I'd talk about things that I'm planning to talk about with another person. It's weird. And I feel ill when I do that. So, I decided, instead of talking to myself aloud, perhaps I should just make a blog for myself. Not for anyone to read, just myself. So I can stop this abnormal behavior.

Also, I feel when I'm around other people, I talk about myself wayyy too often. So hopefully this blog would help me in eliminating that annoying trait.

OK.

The topic of today is Bad mouthing one's fatherland.

I don't like it. and I can't bring myself to do that. I feel uncomfortable when my mom starts saying how only Chinese could do certain acts because they are so backward and conservative and how America is so much better because it is so much more liberal, wiser, etc. etc. I don't like how she always 上纲上线 about everything. Last night we're watching this chinese movie, a divorced village woman was pissed at her ex-husband because he is remarrying another woman. So on his wedding day, this woman went there and acted crazy, scolding at him and complaining how she never complained when he wanted a divorce or when he let her take care of all the child, and yet he decided to remarry, which is apparently extremely embarrassing to her. And she says how their children, though little, are crying hysterically because they feel the same shame as well. And I knew it, I just knew my mom would start criticizing China at this moment.

"This type of thing would only happen in China! How does their father's second marriage have anything to do with his ex or children? Stupid! So backward! American people never care about such thing, they treat their step children like their own."

I felt really uncomfortable. Above all, I don't think "the backwardness" was the film's point. In fact, it appears to be the conflict. I'm sure the film would end in a more "acceptable" way by her standards. Second, many many women get pissed when their ex remarry, no matter if they are white yellow or blue. I don't understand why my mom always associate bad things with China-only. The highway is not as developed...the city is dirty...blah blah blah. and that's all because of the bad political system, corrupted government, over conservative people....

Her claims might hold a lot of truth, but I don't think this is the right way to treat things, to treat anything. I think people, esp my mother, should acknowledge the good sides of bad ppl and bad things more often. Everyone's flawed, but few of those flaws are actually fatal. She's not perfect either, but no one should start completely annilhating her character just because he or she caught one of her flaws.

I don't like it.