return to the past, but still moving on

I've been meeting up with friends in the past couple of days, doing things that we used to do, hanging out at places we used to hang out. I really like that kind of feeling. It's as if time has stopped. It's always going to be this summer. Under the sun, we just talk, hang out, play with no stress, no worry of summer assignment or anything. At the same time, however, we are all obviously moving on. The things we talk about have changed. Will we still have things to talk about in another few months?

妈的，五点了。

倒时差计划第一天宣告失败。

八点多睡着，一点多醒来。。。午睡？

经过了不少于二十四小时的折磨之后，终于平安回家。多次搭乘飞机后，发现这回自己对颠簸习惯了许多。颠得最厉害的时候也没有怕得冒冷汗，一遍遍地摸着手上的木珠。

这次回国玩了很多，感触也很多。因为这次的许多经历，隐约之间我似乎做了很多决定。





二零一零年八月九日

这次九寨归来，我脑子里唯一的想法就是“我要回去”。那里的山和水就自然不用说了，我更怀念的是那里的人。我怀念我们的迷你五人团队。我怀念细心善良的小何导游。我怀念谈笑风生的殷师傅。我想就那样永远的继续下去，下车看美景，上车聊天地。我想要长住那里，亲身融入进他们纯朴的生活，大部分时间平淡如茶，却又偶尔热闹非凡。昨晚在黑暗中我终于明白了我想要的是什么。我哭了，为那离我越来越远的不贫困潦倒的一生。

Travel Journal 07.08.10

After nineteen hours since I woke up this morning, I finally landed in Hong Kong, at which it’s still morning. A day had passed by inside the airplane and I felt like I wanted to die. This sixteen-hour trip was the longest plane ride ever for me. Sitting in front of two giddy and loquacious little kids who behaved as if they had never been in a plane before (and they probably never have been) wasn’t helpful either. I must admit Cathay Airline’s entertainment system is the best I’ve seen. The only good part of this plane ride was blasting K-pop and J-pop and watching Liar Game the movie (I didn’t even know that it was out). The collection was huge and I’d make sure to take full advantage of it on my way back to the U.S.
I have an active imagination especially when I exchange glances (coincidentally) with random handsome boys. There was one such boy in the plane and he looked like the Kevin Zhai of Columbia. I told myself that if he happened to transfer to Fuzhou then I’ll talk to him. It didn’t happen that way and I wouldn’t have spoken to him anyway.
Hong Kong is a strange place. I expected to see skyscrapers and such. And I did. I saw clusters of them. For some reason, perhaps the location, the area surrounding the airport has clusters of really (really) tall, identical buildings scattered throughout, amid really (really) short buildings, ports, and a greenish water body. This view certainly reminds me of my bacteria cultures. After applying antibiotics, only cells with a particular resistant gene survive and they form separate colonies. Each colony (cluster) is different. But every cell in the colony is identical.
Hong Kong is a confusing place. After landing, I asked an airport staff a question in Chinese. She told me she doesn’t speak English. Fine. Next time I asked another staff questions in English. She told me she doesn’t speak English. This pattern repeated several times and I just never seemed to get it right. Some people seemed to be fluent in English and some were obviously not so much so. Some speaks Mandarin perfectly whereas some speak Cantonese only. All these people work at the same place but I feel like I’m at a different place each time I talk to them.
One hour till the flight to Fuzhou departs and today’s journal ends here.

Travel Writing

A couple things happened recently that tipped the balance I had for considering my future. For one, I am reading Peter Hessler’s Oracle Bones, a book about his encounters in and reflections about China during his stay in the foreign land. This particular travel writing is incredibly fluid, observant, and thoughtful. It is a page-turner. There is nothing fancy about his style of writing. But I get a sense of earthliness from the words and sentences. He’s sincere. And he’s honest. He’s not only writing about China but also writing a “self-discovery essay” about himself. In the last blog post I mentioned I haven’t done any creative writing in quite a while. I feel like my “thing” with writing, if there is anything to begin with, is slipping away. After reading Peter Hessler’s book, however, I realize that this could be the type of writing I can do. Observing my surroundings and reflect upon it. I think that is what I’ve been doing, but what distinguishes Peter Hessler from me (haha, yes, me) is the details that he notices. The clothing of the people he interviews. The facial features. The way they talk. There is a story—there are stories—in everyone. Not just anyone can dig out these stories from any other person. But Peter Hessler can and he uses these personal tales and his own thoughts to weave together a moving image of a dynamic nation, giving us readers something to reflect upon even further. It’s amazing work.
This afternoon Nidhi sent me a text message saying that her mom came upon The Voice by chance and later told Nidhi that she read a story so good that she cried. It was my story about my grandmother, the last piece of writing in which I actually invested considerable energy and time. For a writer, I think there is nothing better than hearing that my own writing has stirred such intense emotions in my readers. It means I succeeded. It’s a huge encouragement. I just might be good at writing this type of things if I work hard on it.
I’m leaving for China in three days. This is a perfect opportunity for me to practice travel writing. But I have quite a few weaknesses that I must overcome. For one, I have to be more observant. I am a very self-centered person and I often have problem with noticing other people’s emotions and the more unnoticeable but no less important details of my surroundings. Secondly, I have to be present myself better and just be a more social amicable person. I am generally an awkward person but when one has to dig stories out of others he or she cannot be awkward. Lastly, I have to significantly improve my writing. Even after three years of honors and AP English classes and a Scholastic award, I still constantly feel frustrated because I just can’t seem to write down my thoughts in a natural way. I can sense the wall of language barrier every time I write these blog posts. There are just times when I can’t think of the right word or the perfect way to construct a particular sentence. This difficulty with language is a great obstacle standing between me and good writing.

Anyway—in conclusion, life is good and I look forward to more.

Back.

I haven't posted for a while. But unlike previous times, I know this time it isn't because I've been "censoring" myself so much that I am left with nothing to write about. It's just that things are going on in my life, good or bad, and I just don't feel the need to tell my blog about it anymore. My discontents with life also seem so petty that they just perish minutes after the incidents that trigger them. I guess I'm just not so lonely anymore and able to deal with surroundings more easily.

Ugh, I made my inaction (not writing blogposts) sound so good when I really have not a clue why that is. Oh well.

There is one frustration though. I can't seem to write anything creative. Ever since The Figure on the Balcony I seemed to completely walked away from story-writing or writing things that are weird and descriptive. This is not a good sign...