An important lesson learned after 8 years

I’m not ashamed to say that I consider myself a very nice, considerate, and tolerant person. I am capable of putting up with all kinds of nonsense and difficult persons and still feel no particular resentment. There is one thing, however, that really brought the worst out of me, and in this wonderful country called the United States, the people often force me to go out of my way, and especially my character, to be a bitch—annoying, whiny, obnoxious, aggressive—so that I can have even the slightest chance of getting what I rightfully deserve. It seems that, if I don’t squeak, I am certain to get no oil and am left there to just die. A lot of times, the things that I must fight for are rather “dumb”—they are stupid things that really should have never happened, but some Americans get so caught up in some sort of system that, eventually, the system triumphs over reason, logic, and common sense. And then shit happens. I guess, I really should thank America. It’s been almost eight years bonding with this country, and the biggest lesson I learned is if I don’t get what I want from certain people, then I must annoy the hell out of those people to the point that they have to deal with me. In the past, when I was still a good, obedient Chinese, I try not to make trouble to others and if the problem isn’t too serious, I would suck it up and digest it then poop it out of my system. But America has taught me how to be squeaky and not feel sorry about being so annoying to other fellow human beings at the same time, because here, if I don’t speak up for myself, I will never get what belongs to me. And even though this ugly side of America has had empowering effects in me, I wish for a society where I don’t have to complain to make the simplest things right—where people get paid US dollars to do real work using their brains—where people take responsibility and care for those anonymous others they’ve never met.

A note on badass archery

So I went to Proline today with Chris...and a nice black old man called PeeWee, yes, really, who was like Coach Derek helped and instructed me. During one round when we went to retrieve our arrows, I saw two of his arrows were together on top and three were REALLY close together on the bottom. And he casually commented: "Oh I purposefully shot off-aim because I don't wanna break my really expensive arrows."

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Changed address

I changed address a while ago because one of the few ppl with whom I share this blog's link actually talked to me about the things I wrote and judged me based on it...I guess the fact of sharing this blog with others is a form of my asking to be judged, but I still feel really uncomfortable. This is a place where I write what I think that might represent who I am for a long period of time or who I am for just a few minutes of anger or confusion. I don't share it with the public for the exact reason that I do not want to take responsibility for what i say here. I guess, I'm just being a hypocrite every time I share this address with other people. I know they will judge me, but I don't want them to say it in my face.

I've straightened out my priorities

I think I finally came to realize my priorities and limits. I learned from my mistakes and debacles and I have faith that this coming sophomore year of college will be a better year, if not the best.

This summer, I began to care

about 9/11, the war, the civilian deaths, the soldiers' deaths, veterans, loss, death penalty, healthcare system, flaws of capitalism, the poor, the sick...basically, OTHER people with whom I share nothing. Thanks, Michael Moore, and the movies and books I watch and read.